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Multiples
telling family about twins
Hi All -
I am almost 8 weeks pregnant with twins. Just curious what have your experiences been with telling family about multiples. We haven't told anyone we are pregnant yet. We'll tell our parents at 11 or 12 weeks and then others once the trimester is over.
I just keep on debating if we should tell family about twins right away or wait for as long as it's not obvious (or even til they make their appearance!) My husband and I are married for almost a year, but given my medical situation, I have always known that I'd need help. My parents and only a select few friends know this, but definitely not my husband's family. I just wonder if when you announce you're having twins, no matter how long you've been trying or married, do people always assume or ask if you've had help? I really don't want to deal with that as it's none of anyone's business. Ironically, my husband has twin aunts from his mom's side so his family is constantly waiting for someone in the family to carry it on and have twins. Twins run on a mom's side though so no one will chalk it up to that. Ironically, my aunt had twins, but she had help as well...though it's not really known so much (especially within my husband's family).
So now...I'm just wondering what you ladies/men think. I really don't want to hear for 6-7 months how it's AMAZING how someone in the family is finally having twins. And since I'll have to tell them about it "running in my family via my aunt"...all I'll hear about is how amazing and ironic it all is. I'd rather just be pregnant in peace. I just wonder if maybe it's better to prepare them for the fact that there'll be 2 new additions to the family?
Thanks for listening!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: telling family about twins
We had always planned on waiting for a while anyways, but when we found out it was twins we decided to wait until 11/12 weeks just save our moms from worrying a little. Once we had an u/s at 11 weeks and OB confirmed that things looked fine then we told everyone.
We also told everyone it was twins right away because at that point if something were to happen I would want my family's support vs keeping it to myself. And I also was sick of living in fear that something would happen with the pregnancy and just wanted to be excited about it.
As far as people asking - quite a few did ask if we were surprised, if it ran in the family, etc. Twins did run in DH's mom's side of the family for a while so that side was convinced that's why we were having twins (and I didn't get scientific with them that his sperm doesn't make me ovulate two eggs). When his very Catholic grandma looked concerned and asked if they run in my family I just said 'no' and she didn't ask any further questions. That's the basice approach I've taken - I say 'no' and if someone has the guts to ask further questions and I feel comfortable sharing info then I'll elaborate. It's totally up to you what you want to share, don't stress about it. I think in general people are excited about twins and curious, and sometimes clueless.
Good luck!
*Siggy Warning*
About me 2007: Started TTC. 2008: OB prescribed clomid, went to RE and was Dx with PCOS. 2009: IUI #1 w/follitsim and trigger = BFP. B/G Twins born at 33 weeks. 2012: TTC #3, Round 2 of Letrozole w/TI = BFP, missed m/c at 8 1/2 wks. Currently on the bench as we make plans for a new home. Anxious to start TTC #3 within the next year!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! We have had people ask us whether we had help and I think it's SO RUDE! As you suspected, one of the first things people ask is about family history. You know your family better than anyone so it's ultimately up to you. I personally think they would want to celebrate with you! I think people will formulate their opinions regardless, and you have to learn to let it go. As you will see on this forum, we are always posting silly questions and comments from well-meaning people! It's fun to share and have a good laugh!
My situation is different than yours because my husband and I didn't find out until 20 weeks that I was carrying two instead of one, but I completely understand how you feel. People ARE nosy, and they are going to be nosy (some more subtle than others) whether they find out when you're 12 weeks or 36 weeks. It usually comes across in the form of the question "Do twins run in your family?" which is easy enough to deflect. Some people flat out ask you if you were using fertility treatments, which I think is rude and insensitive. If you did have help, infertility is not something most people feel comfortable discussing with random people asking about your pregnancy.
As for me, I'm uncertain as to how our twins were conceived. I have a very strong family history of multiples on my side (my grandmother had spontaneous fraternal triplets, and the list of cousins who have had twins is a mile long), but I was also on 50mg of Clomid for three months. I'm tempted to think it was a little bit of both, and that the Clomid helped along my genetic predisposition, but we'll never know. And frankly, it doesn't matter. You have two wonderful little people on the way, and that's something to celebrate!
All this is to say that, in my opinion, do what you're most comfortable with. "Hiding" the fact that it's twins buys you some time from the questions, but you're going to get those later in pregnancy and probably even for years after the twins are born. So it's up to you whether you want to embrace that sooner rather than later! But it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Inevitably, people (even people you don't know!!) will ask if you used fertility treatments or if they run in your family. It's usually the first question I get, and when I say "neither" they look at me like "well, then how?" I think people are just naturally inappropriately nosey when it comes to pregnant women. You will get so many highly personal questions from family, friends and strangers, along with a lot of unnecessary "advice."
Personally, I don't like attention. I knew I would get a ton of calls and messages as soon as I told people, so I waited as long as I could. Thankfully, the novelty wore off after a little while, and I only get the occasional gushing now. (I think only because I'm incredibly petite, and they are truly wondering how I will carry two babies, as I am myself haha).
Remember that you only have to tell them what you want to tell them though! Nobody has to know that you had help, and you don't owe explanations to anyone.
And Congratulations!
People will always ask if they run in your family. I tell them the truth - which is no, because even though they do run in H's side, we know that our fraternal twins were a result of my two eggs. And as much as my MIL wants to take credit, she can't. I like to prove her wrong
But that's a whole other post!
I've only had a couple people ask if we used infertility treatments. They've always been well meaning and I honestly don't think they know how insensitive and rude the question can be. It really is none of their business, but like PP said, people are fascinated by twins.
As for telling family - that's up to you. You may have some hurt feelings if you wait a long time to tell them, but again, that's not their problem. We told our parents and immediate family we were pregnant at 6 weeks. We found out it was twins at 11 weeks. My mom is the one who found our twins by surprise. She is a sonagrapher. We then called the in-laws and texted the picture of the ultrasound to our brothers and sisters which clearly showed two babies even then. It was fun to see who could tell and who had no idea what they were looking at
Boy/girl twins born at 37w1d and 37w2d
I agree with all the previous posters, we told family we were pregnant at 10 weeks and found out it was twins at 20 weeks. It was like someone had opened the flood gates as soon as the family knew we were having twins, all the family stories of twins, everyone trying to chalk it up to their side of the family. As far as the questions about did we have help like the other ladies said someone is always going to ask, and it's not really any of their buisness. I have learned that the general public (and my family ) think multiples are the most fascinating creatures, sometimes when I go out I feel like a circus freak with strangers asking questions, and oooing and ahhing over them. I dont think anything surprises me these days, you learn just to kind of laugh it off.
As far as your family goes- I would tell them when you are comfortable, you don't want to be stressed out. Multiples are amazing and you should enjoy your pregnancy and focus on growing those babies!
I do the "they do now!" statement
We told parents about the pregnancy after the blood test result and the twins after the first u/s. I knew that if anything happened, I would need the parents support.
Thanks ladies for all the replies!
I believe in the "What to expect when you're expecting" chapter on multiples one witty comeback was - "that's what we get for trying twice in one night!" I could so see my husband using that line.
I really do hate attention and the idea of all the questions, but seems like I can't avoid it forever, only question is if I want to prolong it just a little longer. Guess I'll just wait and see how I feel when I tell them and if we want to share more.
It's pretty obvious to everyone who meets me that I had help in getting pregnant with twins (or getting pregnant at all) seeing as how I am single. However, not a single person has asked me exactly how they got in there. A few have asked if twins run in my family, but I have learned that it is not usually an attempt to ask if I did fertility treatments. It is just a natural question that people ask. I think people like hearing neat stories about multiple generations of multiples. I always respond with the "they do now" line and that makes the person laugh. The next questions are usually about if they are identical and do I know the sexes yet.
I told family and close friends I was pregnant right away (5 weeks) and I told them all when I found out it was twins (7 weeks). It wasn't public knowledge for strangers, but I wasn't intentionally keeping it a secret. I did the Facebook announcement at 14 weeks.
My primary reason for waiting until 14 weeks to announce to the whole world was that I went on a girls trip to Las Vegas at 12 weeks and thought it best to wait until I was back before I announced. I didn't want people to be questioning what I was doing in Vegas while pregnant. (I was enjoying the pool and the spa at Ceasars Palace).