What do I say????

oliversmom03 · July 2012

So this is my fourth child, and boy oh boy, are my college girlfriends excited because they all don't have children of their own yet. I'm just wondering if I should allow them to throw me a shower. My first two children are with my ex, and the second shower was thrown by my college girlfriend, the first by my exes fam. My family never goes to any showers bc they do not understand the concept of respecting other people and this is not a get drunk, and make an ass out of yourself event. My college friend planned a shower for baby number three bc she is my bff and said she was gonna do it anyways! LOL!!!!! My daughter had heart problems that they found when I was pregnant and she came early, and was in the NICU for weeks, so they cancelled it with plenty of time to where nobody gave us gifts, which was fine, bc everyone showed support at the hospital. So my BFF wants to plan a shower for this one, and I told her it was too soon, but she is doing it more for my hubby's fam. WHat do you think guys?

Sherbet Lemon · August 2012

Say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but I wouldn't feel right having a shower for my fourth child."

MelleTX · August 2012

Sherbet Lemon:
Say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but I wouldn't feel right having a shower for my fourth child."

THIS. I know she is excited, but it's a bit much. Maybe she can just do a girls lunch or mani/pedi day or something with your close friends, no gifts.

oliversmom03 · August 2012

That' what I say. Francesca is 3 months and I have everything. Even so, my hubby wants to have this one have the same stuff as her, which we designed ourselves. To be honest, I hate being on the spot. That's why I said NO WEDDING. Court was just fine for me.

phq2011 · August 2012

oliversmom03:
That' what I say. Francesca is 3 months and I have everything. Even so, my hubby wants to have this one have the same stuff as her, which we designed ourselves. To be honest, I hate being on the spot. That's why I said NO WEDDING. Court was just fine for me.

Suggest to your hubby a "Meet-the-Baby" party. It offers more opportunity for your family to celebrate LO without gift pressure.

moonrose2715 · August 2012

Here's my take. Say whatever makes you happy, but I can speak from the excited girlfriends perspective. A friend of mine had her first baby back east. They moved to California before her daughter was one. None of the local friends were around or available for the first baby. So when she was pregnant with her second, myself and another friend really wanted to throw her a shower. Yes, it was another girl. Yes, they had some stuff (though not a ton since they did in fact drop it when they moved). But at the very least, you always need diapers and wipes, and we wanted to celebrate this baby too.

When my friends came to me about having a second shower, I shared my discomfort with it. At the end of the day though, it is just a celebration. You can go against etiquette and say "no gifts necessary" on the invite, or call it a diaper shower/sprinkle. The hosts wanted to host. If someone was invited and thought it was tacky, they can choose not to attend. There are a ton of ways to have a celebration for a baby (yes, even a fourth) that isn't gift grubby. Because after all, isn't that our issue with it? The expectation of gifts? So take that away to the best of your ability, and remember that every baby is worth celebrating. Enjoy it.

eav2c · August 2012

Sherbet Lemon:
Say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but I wouldn't feel right having a shower for my fourth child."

This. I'm sure you don't really need anything anyway since you have a 3 month old already. You could do a meet the baby.

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

Sherbet Lemon:
Say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but I wouldn't feel right having a shower for my fourth child."

This.

rhubarb123 · August 2012

You have a 3 month old and you are considering saying "yes" to another shower. Wow! That's pretty gutsy. I agree with those that say "just say no". I can see friends who have no children being excited. Maybe you could have them take turns sitting your 3 month old. lol No way would I allow another shower thrown for me if I had a 3 month old. If you want a party to "celebrate the baby" then have a "welcome baby party" after your LO is born. Can't celebrate something that doesn't exist (isn't born) yet. KWIM?

gnomemom · August 2012

Wow, you're only 5 weeks pregnant? At 5 weeks, I was way more concerned about making it through my first trimester. To each her own, I guess.

Having a baby shower for a 4th child when you have a 3 mo. old would be really inappropriate. I would politely decline.

PurpleDrewbie5 · August 2012

MelleTX:
Sherbet Lemon:
Say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but I wouldn't feel right having a shower for my fourth child."
THIS. I know she is excited, but it's a bit much. Maybe she can just do a girls lunch or mani/pedi day or something with your close friends, no gifts.

Both of these. A girl's day is a great idea.

Jillwithani · August 2012

gnomemom:

Wow, you're only 5 weeks pregnant? At 5 weeks, I was way more concerned about making it through my first trimester. To each her own, I guess.

Having a baby shower for a 4th child when you have a 3 mo. old would be really inappropriate. I would politely decline.

Yes

shipsshoessealingwax · August 2012

I'm also in the "just say no" camp, BUT love the idea of a ladies' day - or if the girls REALLY want to plan a "party" b/c they are so excited, let them plan the meet the baby! You'll be exhausted anyway, lol

RachieTK · August 2012

MelleTX:
Sherbet Lemon:
Say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but I wouldn't feel right having a shower for my fourth child."
THIS. I know she is excited, but it's a bit much. Maybe she can just do a girls lunch or mani/pedi day or something with your close friends, no gifts.

This.

oliversmom03 · August 2012

gnomemom:

Wow, you're only 5 weeks pregnant? At 5 weeks, I was way more concerned about making it through my first trimester. To each her own, I guess.

Having a baby shower for a 4th child when you have a 3 mo. old would be really inappropriate. I would politely decline.

Yes, that is a thought on my mind about having a baby just survive. My Best friend and MIL know everything and I tell them everything. They are the one's already bringing it up, not myself. The reason why I am asking bc my husband's family have never had a shower for their son. My first two are NOT his, and my third was born sick and early so it was cancelled. Yes, I realize that it is tacky, but my friend and MIL are well off and are wanting to plan a party like no other and plan waaaaaay ahead. I told them no today, but I told my hubby, they are probably going to go againist it, and do a "surprise" one. I think my MIL just wants to throw a party for her only son. That woman has more baby fever than I do.

earthmama2011 · August 2012

That's really nice that they are so excited and want to do something special for you and your hubby and the new baby. Like others have said, perhaps you could suggest a "meet the baby" You can always say that you don't want anything before as you're worried about having another sick baby and would rather celebrate after the birth when you can relax more?

Congratulations!

MelleTX · August 2012

oliversmom03:
gnomemom:

Wow, you're only 5 weeks pregnant? At 5 weeks, I was way more concerned about making it through my first trimester. To each her own, I guess.

Having a baby shower for a 4th child when you have a 3 mo. old would be really inappropriate. I would politely decline.
Yes, that is a thought on my mind about having a baby just survive. My Best friend and MIL know everything and I tell them everything. They are the one's already bringing it up, not myself. The reason why I am asking bc my husband's family have never had a shower for their son. My first two are NOT his, and my third was born sick and early so it was cancelled. Yes, I realize that it is tacky, but my friend and MIL are well off and are wanting to plan a party like no other and plan waaaaaay ahead. I told them no today, but I told my hubby, they are probably going to go againist it, and do a "surprise" one. I think my MIL just wants to throw a party for her only son. That woman has more baby fever than I do.

Well, if its a surprise and you don't know about it, then you are doing nothing wrong. I would have DH gently suggest that if she does do this that she limit it to his side of the family only.

oliversmom03 · August 2012

Thanks ladies. I'm really liking the girls day out with mani's and pedi's and some good food. lol Why can't I just do tht every single week from here on out until LO is born. lol Ahhhhhh, that would be so nice!

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