XP: What would you do? (A little long, sorry.) — The Bump
Trouble TTC

XP: What would you do? (A little long, sorry.)

As many of you know, we got the news of our failed first IVF yesterday.  Needless to say, I'm still reeling from it -- and really not in the best shape emotionally.  I was able to take today off from work, which helped -- but I don't have the luxury of doing that too many more times. (We're a single-income family at the moment; and we also need to start saving more money if we're going to move forward with another cycle of treatment.) 

Here's the other piece of my "problem": I'm the children's ministry coordinator at my church, so working means being surrounded by little ones aged preschool all the way up to 5th grade.  I LOVE the kids, but right now, they'd be a painful reminder of what I lost. But requesting time off means I'd potentially have to explain the reason for my absence to others (kids, parents, etc...) and I really don't want to share our IF struggles with everyone.

So what would you guys do?  Lose out on some $$$ to preserve your sanity, or tough it out to maintain your privacy?  I'd love to hear your input.  Thanks!
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Married June 2007, TTC since May 2010. Me=40, age-related infertility, DOR, low prog, low AMH. DH=37,low morph.
IUI#1 (Dec. 2011)=BFN, IUI#2=unexpected early O=TI=BFN. Official IUI#2=BFN.
IUI#3=3/17/12=BFN.
Stims for IVF#1 started 7/6/12. ER done 7/15/12. ICSI and AH. Transferred 2 embies 7/17/12. Stick little ones, stick! Beta 7/30/12=BFN HcG less than 2.
Surprise BFP while deciding next steps! EDD: 5/10/13
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: XP: What would you do? (A little long, sorry.)

  • alb245alb245
    Ninth Anniversary
    member

    First, I'm so sorry to hear about your failed cycle. (((hugs)))

    Second, I think you need to do whatever is best for you emotionally right now. If you think you can tough it out and keep working, I would keep working. But if you feel like you're on the verge of tears everyday OR in a very bad place emotionally or mentally, then I would seriously consider a little time off (if you can swing it financially). 

    I've often thought about this myself, as I work with kids (and lots and lots of babies) every day. Occasionally it makes me a little sad, but I'm so thankful I've been able to continue working without having any extreme negative reactions or emotional breakdowns. I'm actually terrified of this happening, but I've already decided if it got to that point I would take FMLA and tell people I am dealing with a medical issue that I'm not comfortable discussing. 

    GL with making your decision! 

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    ~~PgAL March Siggy Challenge - Pet Shaming~~
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    TTC #1 since Feb 2011 Dx: MTHFR C677T Homozygous, Antiphospholipid Syndrome, LPD
    BFP #1: 8/4/11 c/p 4w5d
    BFP #2: 9/4/11 c/p 5w0d
    BFP #3: 1/16/12 c/p 4w0d
    BFP #4 8/9/12 m/c 7w3d
    BFP #5 11/2/12 ?EDD 7/16/13? PLEASE grow sweet baby!!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • You shouldn't need to do any real explanation of WHY you're taking medical leave if you chose to take it.  If you have "vacation" time that you're using, you don't have to explain yourself at all.

    That said, I'm married to a clergy and used to work as my synagogue's youth advisor, so I totally know how the lines between your faith community and your job can get blurred.  Remember, they are all ON your side and want to be there for you, especially if you say you're taking leave for medical reasons.  At the same time, don't feel that you have to share it.

    Honestly, if you feel you need the time, take it.  (I know I wasn't making all that much as the youth advisor... so I hope it won't be a huge financial burden to really "preserve your sanity" if you want.) 

    Baking Blog | TTC Blog | Pinterest
    TTC #1 since October 2010 | Began Testing in January 2012
    DH SA - low motility with 0% morph; varicocele (repaired); low T (on Clomid)
    IVF w/ICSI (long Lupron w/ Repronex and Follistim) in September 2012

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  • I really appreciate hearing everyone's wisdom and feedback on this. You guys are truly my sounding board during this time of recovery when I'm not thinking all that clearly...thanks!
    image
    Married June 2007, TTC since May 2010. Me=40, age-related infertility, DOR, low prog, low AMH. DH=37,low morph.
    IUI#1 (Dec. 2011)=BFN, IUI#2=unexpected early O=TI=BFN. Official IUI#2=BFN.
    IUI#3=3/17/12=BFN.
    Stims for IVF#1 started 7/6/12. ER done 7/15/12. ICSI and AH. Transferred 2 embies 7/17/12. Stick little ones, stick! Beta 7/30/12=BFN HcG less than 2.
    Surprise BFP while deciding next steps! EDD: 5/10/13
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • If you feel like you need to take some time off, . I don't think you have to explain your request for leave of absence other than "medical reasons."

    In fact, a few years ago I was going through a very hard time mentally, emotionally (in an issue totally unrelated to TTC). I got my doctor to write a letter saying that for my health I needed to have a short leave of absence, and my work accepted that and gave me my time. So if I was in your shoes and I truly felt I needed to take some time, I would do it that way. You shouldn't have to explain the exact reason, and if your boss presses I would just say you'd prefer not to discuss it. I wouldn't quit my job over it because money is essential to survival, but at the same time a small amount of money isn't worth emotionally punishing yourself if you can afford a short leave.

    That being said, I am a teacher of 4 and 5 year olds and I am just like you- I love the kids,  but they are painful reminders sometimes. I have numerous parents and even the kids ask me harmless (but painful) questions like "Do you have kids? Why don't you have kids yet? Do you want to have kids?" etc. This past year my co-teacher was pregnant and the students asked my co-teacher questions all the time, and would then ask me questions like "Do you have a baby in your tummy too? Are you a mommy too?"

    On Mother's Day, there are usually several parents who give all the teachers presents. This year one student's mom asked me "Oh so you have kids, right? Happy Mother's Day!" When I said, "Nope, no kids yet" she went ON and ON about "Oh why not?! I thought all teachers loved kids. I figured you would have kids!" So there are a TON of weird, painful moments but I just push through it, sometimes have a little cry in the bathroom if I need to, and move on. I just keep telling myself it's not their fault that I am dealing with this, and since they don't know/undestand my situation I can't expect them to know the right/wrong things to say.

    However, I haven't dealt with what you are going through, so it is perfectly understandable if you feel like you need a little time off for now. Good luck with what you decide.

     

    TTC from May 2011 to Jan 2013. Due 9/11/13
  • I also think that if you really need to take time away from the kiddos, then you should. I also think that if you love that part of your life, and it makes you happy to try to stick with it, regardless of the little ones. I work as a nanny to 3 kids, and most days I'm happy to be around them! They put a big smile on my face, it doesn't make me feel I've lost anything to be around them, it just shows me what I will gain someday. Hope you feel better soon!
    Patiently waiting for our 1st since 9/2010.
    Dealing with MFI, good count, good motility, 3% morph-HSG all clear, all other test results came back normal, IUI is our next step
    May 2012- Clomid 50mg + IUI = BFN
    June- Cycle Break
    July- Forced cycle break due to cysts
    August- Femara, Trigger, IUI#2= ?
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  • If it's what you need to do to keep your sanity, then I think you've answered your own question.  And I agree with the others that if you explain it's a private medical issue, and you'd just like them to be understanding and pray for your family - I'm sure everyone would understand.  Big (((Hugs))) as you search your soul for the answer.

    TTC since July 2009. Dx MFI & LPD. 
    IUI#1&2&3 (2011 & 2012) BFN
    IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
    IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
    IVF w/ICSI Oct. 2, 2012 - 13R, 11M, 7F, 1 frozen blast 4BB grade - - - FET Nov 15, 2013
    BFP! Beta 1:104 @ 10dp6dt, Beta 2:178 @ 12dp6dt,  beta 3:366 @ 14dp6dt
    Saw heartbeat twice before missed M/C at 8w3d on 12/27/13, missing my little angel boy
    JUNE 2014 IVF#2;  5R, 2M, 1F Three day transfer 6/7.  Beta 6/18 - BFN
    Child Free Now?
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