What would you do? (A little long, sorry.)

MrsCK · July 2012

As many of you know, we got the news of our failed first IVF yesterday. Needless to say, I'm still reeling from it -- and really not in the best shape emotionally. I was able to take today off from work, which helped -- but I don't have the luxury of doing that too many more times. (We're a single-income family at the moment; and we also need to start saving more money if we're going to move forward with another cycle of treatment.)

Here's the other piece of my "problem": I'm the children's ministry coordinator at my church, so working means being surrounded by little ones aged preschool all the way up to 5th grade. I LOVE the kids, but right now, they'd be a painful reminder of what I lost. But requesting time off means I'd potentially have to explain the reason for my absence to others (kids, parents, etc...) and I really don't want to share our IF struggles with everyone.

So what would you guys do? Lose out on some $$$ to preserve your sanity, or tough it out to maintain your privacy? I'd love to hear your input. Thanks!

MBfromBMC · July 2012

Obviously, I can only speak for myself, but I don't think that taking time from work will make you feel any better about your situation, just worse.

I also work with kids and, frankly, I don't really think about it in relation to my IF issues very often. Now that I am home for the summer, I find that IF actually hurts more. I find myself spending all this free time thinking about what I would be doing with my children and fixating on the unfairness of it all. When I am at work, I am busily working at a job of which I am very proud.

Also, your job is your financial means to treatment, so you may really regret that decision in the future. IMO, sitting at home just makes IF hurt more, not less.

(((hugs)))

maggie2324 · July 2012

MBfromBMC:
Obviously, I can only speak for myself, but I don't think that taking time from work will make you feel any better about your situation, just worse.

I also work with kids and, frankly, I don't really think about it in relation to my IF issues very often. Now that I am home for the summer, I find that IF actually hurts more. I find myself spending all this free time thinking about what I would be doing with my children and fixating on the unfairness of it all. When I am at work, I am busily working at a job of which I am very proud.

Also, your job is your financial means to treatment, so you may really regret that decision in the future. IMO, sitting at home just makes IF hurt more, not less.

(((hugs)))

This! You obviously need to grieve, but I don't think taking time away from your job will help. You are going to encounter children everywhere and it's going to be painful sometimes, but unless you have a backup job available, I think you should confront the situations and your emotions head on.

Good luck in making your decision!

Kiki33 · July 2012

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been avoiding kids for a year now. The last time I tried to attend a 3 year old's birthday party - I spent half the day crying in the car, and I am a fairly strong person.

I personally think your #1 priority should be yourself and how you feel. This process is hard enough on you emotionally and physically - there is no reason to make it worse unless the $$ is essential.

Also, in regards to the privacy - I know most women are very private about their infertility experiences. I tend to be a bit of the opposite. I was very private through Clomid and my first IVF cycle, but now I talk about it a bit more freely and find it quite theraputic. I feel good educating others on the infertility treatment process. Most people have no clue. I have also started volunteering for a couple of infertility organizations which has helped me through this process as well.

Good luck!

MrsCK · July 2012

You've raised some really strong points, and given me some good things to think about. Thanks for being voices of wisdom.

LuClo · August 2012

Whether or not you take more time off from work, you don't owe anyone there an explanation. Everyone needs days off now and then, share what you feel comfortable with. You can tell them you're sick (emotionally), that you just have some medical things to take care of (true), or that there was a loss in your family (also true). Everything feels so intense in the moment, like there's a giant spotlight on you, but the truth is that most people outside won't worry to much about why you were out.

stinkerbell6879 · August 2012

I understand your hesitation to go back to work, but at the same time I agree with PP about going in! I used to teach preschool and actually I used to do better about my IF woes because I was so focused on my kids in the class, now that I have been out of teaching and in the legal field it's actually been harder on me then before. Plus it was nice to have the come back of "I have 24 children everyday..." when people were nosey ;-)

Ms H13 · August 2012

Do what you need to do for you. After my failed IVF I took a day off - I know I wouldn't have been able to be at work, and didn't want to see anyone (kid or otherwise). I went back when I felt ready, my boss did ask what was up I just said I didn't feel well (totally true). Everyone is so different in how they deal with bad news and how they can begin to heal emotionally - do what is best for you. Many hugs.

What would you do? (A little long, sorry.)

Re: What would you do? (A little long, sorry.)

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