I think you need to do what works for you. If you do find out the sex, but don't want to tell, I would simply tell everyone that you're keeping it a surprise. Then you won't have to worry about "slipping" or have people constantly hounding you.
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We're doing this. We were team green with DD and DS. As far as everyone IRL knows, we aren't finding out this time either. We liked the surprise of being team green, and this time we are looking forward to having a secret only we know about.
its only lame if you keep telling everyone that you know and arent saying anything... that would be really annoying to me and almost like youre looking to annoy people on purpose... I think it will be hard to know the sex and not say he or she at least a few times.
~Formerly~AngnShaun~
~~Transferred 2 Perfect Embryos 5/28 - BFP 6/4~~ HAILEY ELIZABETH ~2/16/13~ 6:39am ~ 6lbs 2oz ~ 20" long ~ 1 Year ~ 20lbs 14oz ~ 29.25"~
My BIL and his wife did this with their first LO and it was SO annoying. I wish they'd just said they didn't know, but instead they would answer very smugly that they knew, but weren't telling. It always came across to DH and me that we weren't good enough to know, or something like that.
I think if you want to know and keep it a secret, the secret should be that you know at all.
All of this.
We aren't planning on keeping it a secret, but if it is a girl... we might. I really don't need her closet to look like Lily Pulitzer threw up in it. (Which is exactly what my MIL will make sure happens.)
I actually did this with DD but not on purpose. OB accidentally told me what we were having during one of my routine appointments even though we were team Green. I kept the secret to myself and didn't even tell DH!
I don't think it's lame - no one will even know you know except you and your DH.
Totally just my opinion so take it for what it's worth..but I think it would be realllly hard to not accidentally let slip " he or she" or " him or her" especially with pregnancy brain, so for me I would either be team green or not rather than try to hang in the middle, but totally do it if you want!!
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My BIL and his wife did this with their first LO and it was SO annoying. I wish they'd just said they didn't know, but instead they would answer very smugly that they knew, but weren't telling. It always came across to DH and me that we weren't good enough to know, or something like that.
I think if you want to know and keep it a secret, the secret should be that you know at all.
we are finding out but not telling aside from our best friends until the baby shower, which will be 2 months before my due date.
we decided to do this mostly because my MIL has a big mouth and was unable to keep the secret of me being pregnant even though she promised to. now any other further announcements or info is going to be 100% under our control.
we also want to avoid getting super gendered gifts we don't care for or that aren't very versatile. (we are fans of very plain/neutral things in general)
I don't think it's bad, but I think it would be better if you lead people to believe you don't know, otherwise it comes across as pretty smug as others have said.
But, I think it would be very difficult not to slip with pronouns. Friends of ours found out and didn't tell (they didn't "brag" about knowing but not telling, so it wasn't annoying), but at about 30 weeks the dad slipped up and referred to LO as "he." I don't think anyone else noticed, but I did, and sure enough, at 37 weeks our godson was born. It wasn't a big deal and I didn't rub it in their faces (although I did mention it once after the baby was born), but I think it would be really hard to always keep your language neutral once you've put a sex to the baby.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
My sister told very few people because her husbands grandma thought it was bad luck to find out and they wanted to keep it from her, but she ended up slipping before her due date
we are finding out but not telling aside from our best friends until the baby shower, which will be 2 months before my due date.
we decided to do this mostly because my MIL has a big mouth and was unable to keep the secret of me being pregnant even though she promised to. now any other further announcements or info is going to be 100% under our control.
we also want to avoid getting super gendered gifts we don't care for or that aren't very versatile. (we are fans of very plain/neutral things in general)
This! DH and I also don't want super gendered gifts as well. I can only imagine what my family will buy.
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I agree with everyone else that it is pretty lame, I can see people getting mad that you say you know but you wont say anything to anyone. If you do this, tell everyone you are staying team green.
My DH's parents are the types that buy gifts to show love. We know the type of toys and things we want (high contrast, bright colors, no pastels, and complex patterns that babies like) and I think if we were to say girl we'd get
pastel-pink-princess gifts and that is something I want to avoid for as
long as possible. So if a girl, we will for sure keep our lips shut. We have already decided to just not say we know.
I think we are going to do it this time! We found out with LO and told and my mom (who is a bit of a crazy lady) went a little nuts with the buying of stuff we didn't need. We kept his name a secret though. This time, I kind of want to find out, but I don't want to tell anyone else (except DH of course.) I'm a planner, but I think everyone else needs it to be a secret for my own sanity. If it's a girl, my mom will lose her mind.
I agree with PP that if you are going to keep it a secret, pretend you don't know either. And be aware, you will still get gender based items, after the baby is born.
My BIL and SIL decided to find out but wouldn't tell my BIL's mum. It really hurt her feelings and made her feel extremely excluded and disconnected from them. It's not like she's nuts and would tell everybody, or go and buy tonnes and tonnes of pink or blue stuff. But it has had a major impact on their relationships. I'm not sure what we will do, but if we find out and don't want others to know I think we will declare team green so no one gets hurt.
My BIL and his wife did this with their first LO and it was SO annoying. I wish they'd just said they didn't know, but instead they would answer very smugly that they knew, but weren't telling. It always came across to DH and me that we weren't good enough to know, or something like that.
I think if you want to know and keep it a secret, the secret should be that you know at all.
All of this.
We aren't planning on keeping it a secret, but if it is a girl... we might. I really don't need her closet to look like Lily Pulitzer threw up in it. (Which is exactly what my MIL will make sure happens.)
I am surprised how many people are so annoyed by this. Why do you feel entitled to know the gender of someone else's baby, if they want it to be a surprise? It's the same when people decide the name and wait until the baby is born. Who cares?
For the record - we will find out what we're having - and not likely to tell anyone either And the name will be under wraps until his/her sweet face emerges!
almostjennifer
member
Re: Finding out the sex, but not telling. Lame?
Do whatever feels right to you. It's not about what makes everyone else happy.
Sure, you'll get flack for it, but you're going to get flack for something anyway, so keep it a secret if you want.
I think you need to do what works for you. If you do find out the sex, but don't want to tell, I would simply tell everyone that you're keeping it a surprise. Then you won't have to worry about "slipping" or have people constantly hounding you.
All of this.
We aren't planning on keeping it a secret, but if it is a girl... we might. I really don't need her closet to look like Lily Pulitzer threw up in it. (Which is exactly what my MIL will make sure happens.)
I actually did this with DD but not on purpose. OB accidentally told me what we were having during one of my routine appointments even though we were team Green. I kept the secret to myself and didn't even tell DH!
I don't think it's lame - no one will even know you know except you and your DH.
My bro and sil did this and it really sucked... felt like we werent worthy of knowing
Totally just my opinion so take it for what it's worth..but I think it would be realllly hard to not accidentally let slip " he or she" or " him or her" especially with pregnancy brain, so for me I would either be team green or not rather than try to hang in the middle, but totally do it if you want!!
This reminds me of this YouTube video
https://youtu.be/vIixVt4PFz0
Eta: dang...I'm on my iPad and selected the wrong link. Go on YouTube and type in " pregnant women are smug" it's so freaking hilarious!
we are finding out but not telling aside from our best friends until the baby shower, which will be 2 months before my due date.
we decided to do this mostly because my MIL has a big mouth and was unable to keep the secret of me being pregnant even though she promised to. now any other further announcements or info is going to be 100% under our control.
we also want to avoid getting super gendered gifts we don't care for or that aren't very versatile. (we are fans of very plain/neutral things in general)
I don't think it's bad, but I think it would be better if you lead people to believe you don't know, otherwise it comes across as pretty smug as others have said.
But, I think it would be very difficult not to slip with pronouns. Friends of ours found out and didn't tell (they didn't "brag" about knowing but not telling, so it wasn't annoying), but at about 30 weeks the dad slipped up and referred to LO as "he." I don't think anyone else noticed, but I did, and sure enough, at 37 weeks our godson was born. It wasn't a big deal and I didn't rub it in their faces (although I did mention it once after the baby was born), but I think it would be really hard to always keep your language neutral once you've put a sex to the baby.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
This! DH and I also don't want super gendered gifts as well. I can only imagine what my family will buy.
My DH's parents are the types that buy gifts to show love. We know the type of toys and things we want (high contrast, bright colors, no pastels, and complex patterns that babies like) and I think if we were to say girl we'd get pastel-pink-princess gifts and that is something I want to avoid for as long as possible. So if a girl, we will for sure keep our lips shut. We have already decided to just not say we know.
I think we are going to do it this time! We found out with LO and told and my mom (who is a bit of a crazy lady) went a little nuts with the buying of stuff we didn't need. We kept his name a secret though. This time, I kind of want to find out, but I don't want to tell anyone else (except DH of course.) I'm a planner, but I think everyone else needs it to be a secret for my own sanity.
If it's a girl, my mom will lose her mind.
I agree with PP that if you are going to keep it a secret, pretend you don't know either. And be aware, you will still get gender based items, after the baby is born.
Home in the bush.
I am surprised how many people are so annoyed by this. Why do you feel entitled to know the gender of someone else's baby, if they want it to be a surprise? It's the same when people decide the name and wait until the baby is born. Who cares?
For the record - we will find out what we're having - and not likely to tell anyone either
And the name will be under wraps until his/her sweet face emerges!