Re: open/semi-open vs. closed
I have a question for people who are pro open and semi-open adoption. The post below got me thinking along with some opinions I've heard from "friends" recently too.
How do you feel about international adoptions? Since those are usually always closed, do you feel this is a disservice to the child(ren) and families involved?
I've heard some strong opinions about this and how IA should stop and children should never leave their country of origin. So nothing will likely shock or offend me here.
My personal opinion is that every single adoption situation should be handled individually. Every single arrangement should be made in the best interest of the child and family. Maybe that means most should be open or semi-open, maybe it means closing that chapter of their lives.
That being said we have gathered as much possible information about the birth family as possible and will try to get more information when we go back for trip 2. I don't think that closed has to mean never knowing.
Re: Re: open/semi-open vs. closed
IMO it's apples and oranges. While ideally every child would find a loving and capable home within their own culture, I don't believe that dream is very possible, so I admire those who take the adventure of IA. It's also rare, in most countries, to have an open relationship with birth parents.
With DA, I suspect it may be harder in some cases for children to understand why most of their adoptive friends have some understanding of who their BPs are... if they are in a closed relationship. I know life is not equal but I also have a heart to helping kids be as well-adjusted and secure in who they are. When the trend is open/semi-open, and when info is available, share it IMO.
As with the definitions of open and closed, I don't think you can do a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. What if the child came to an orphanage, for example, from an abusive or alcoholic family? Do you want your child to have a relationship with them? What if they were living with their family and it was a case of extreme poverty? Would that benefit your child, having them know the details of their birthfamily? What if the child was left on a doorstep? Would it ever really be possible to find out more than that?
As for whether children should stay in their home country, in a perfect world that may be great. But if there aren't adoptive families in their home country, and their only other options are a lifetime in orphanages or being adopted out of their country, shouldn't IA be an option? And what if the culture frowns upon adoption and adopted kids?
Lot to think about for sure. Definitely a HT.
Thanks for the answers. I appreciate your insight!
I agree that there isn't a one size fits all and that's what I'm getting at. Someone actually said to me (they didn't know that I am currently pursuing IA) that it would be better for the children to be left in orphanages than adopted to a family of a different heritage/culture.
And I just don't think that's true. I think that a loving family, no matter who or where, would be better than no family or a bad family.
True. But one could also make the point that a loving family who ignores a child's birth culture may be doing them a disseervice as well. Not saying you'd do that, but I'm sure there are cases where that happens. Or that parents go overboard in the other direction and try to immerse their child in their birth culture, when their child clearly has no interest in it.
I understand what you're saying but at least with my experience - my agency pushes you to understand and learn some of the culture that you are planning to adopt from. I actually know another family (we went to the same beginning seminar) and they were kindly asked to find another agency when they made negative comments about certain countries. Maybe not all agencies require cultural training, but I've found that many do.