- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
November 2011 Moms
mama&baby
member
The mommy guilt trip...
mama&baby
member
So how do you ladies deal with this? Sadly, I'm talking about guilting yourself, not anyone else guilting you!
For example... recently LO seems to have regressed to his colic stage. He woke up early this morning and if he isn't entertained 99% of the time he has been crying. This is normally when the guilt trips begin. "Well... I could put on sesame or the animal song over and over and that will make him stop!" but then that voice creeps in to say "You're treating the TV/Computer as a babysitter, rotting LO's brain, and that makes you a bad mommy". Then it's "I'm ready to pull my hair out, I am going to let LO cry in his crib for a few minutes where it's safe so I can rest for a minute"..... but the voices won't let me "You are a bad mommy for not being able to cope with this and not being able to play with him all the time. You are doing something that's making him cry!". Etc... etc. I have seen how cruel other moms can be to each other.... but why am I being so cruel to myself? I know it's easy to say "just give yourself a break, you deserve it" but I can't seem to get over this guilt trip. Anyone else?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The mommy guilt trip...
First, if he wakes early, be sure to put him down for nap early as well.
Second, the guilt isn't worth it. Being a "bad mommy" isn't the result of 1 decision it's a culmination of decisions, and the fact that you're worried about one morning of TV rotting your kid's brain by definition puts you outside of the bad mommy category.
~Working Mom~Breastfeeding Mom~Cloth Diapering Mom~BLW Mom~
Blog - No Longer on the DL ~ The Man Cave
Shawn and Larissa
LO #1 - Took 2 years and 2 IVFs ~ DX - severe MFI mild PCOS homozygous MTHFR (a1298c)
LO #2 - TTC 7 months, surprise spontaneous BFP!
CMMO and Adanessa - I second this thought! Even having family and friends for support, it's the toughest job in the world. You will always second guess yourself; always wonder what you did to screw up your kid; always have some kinda mommy guilt. This isn't just because of how you two are feeling, though being alone can probably multiply those feelings.
If you have mommy guilt about putting on tv for a break, then interact with your baby and the tv. I do. We keep the sprouts on in the background for most of the day, but when certain shows come on that I know DD loves, like Super Why....I crank up the volume so we can hear it and we dance to it. It's something that zaps her attention and quickly out of a mood and it's something we do together so she's not zoned out. We've made TV an interactive, get-up-and-move type of thing. There are ways you can make mind-rotting things ok to give yourself a break.
This makes me sad, too! I want to give you hugs! I know you are great moms by the way you contribute on here: the questions you ask, sharing your experiences.
I've been thinking a lot about mommy guilt lately...I don't even know if it's "mommy" guilt...it may just be women guilt because some of the same thought patterns I had pre-LO. Why do so many (not all) women have it and what causes it? It's so annoying. I've been dealing with my own mommy guilt but I try to accept that I do the best I can, make the best choices I can at the time, accept that and move on. I try not to dwell...but it's hard. (And it's not always stuff related to LO....it's life stuff, too....which is why i think sometimes it is woman guilt.)
Can you use the internet (like meetup or something) to find mom groups in your area? I'm thinking of doing that here. Or maybe you can create one! A friend of mine just created one in her area!
What's the saying? "Do one thing every day that scares you?" Having DD was certainly a decision to do something scary. But I try to do other scary things when I think they will benefit her. Like a few weeks ago I went to a La Leche League meeting (if you BF, see if they have meetings in your area!!). I was totally nervous as going to things like that I would normally shy away from, but I figured it might be an opportunity to meet other moms and that would be good for me and that in turn would be good for DD.
Remember - if it's good for you, it's good for your LO. A happy momma is a happy baby.
Hugs to you all!
Mommy guilt trip was starting to hit hard about a week ago. DS had been super fussy and not willing to be content. Friends and family kept commenting about how grumpy and unhappy of a baby he was lately.
I tried to not let it get to me but I did stop hanging out with those people who made me feel like I was a horrible parent b/c LO was not happy 100% of the time.
After going on vacation with DH and DS I realized that he just needed some time with both of us while we were relaxed. Totally changed everyone's attitude. I realized that I wasn't a horrible mom for letting him watch a little bit of TV while I regained my composure/energy level or letting him cry for a few minutes while I laid down after being up for 8 hours straight in the middle of the night. He knows he is loved and cherished (you can see it when DH or I walk into the room) and that's the best thing I can give him.
Chin up buttercup. If it doesn't get any better I would recommend at least mentioning it to your doctor. PPD can strike any time during the first year and being a mother is HARD work!