Mean kids on playground

tarahnpaul · July 2012

I take my daughter to a playground close by that is for many ages, I like it because it's shaded and she won't wear a sun hat. That being said, I almost don't want to go there anymore. She's very little, so I'm pretty close by her the entire time, but even so, I have to constantly intervene with other kids trying to be aggressive with her. Hitting, pushing, you name it. The parents or nannies or whatever gabbing away on their phones or nowhere in site. I take her to an AP play group and this kind of stuff does not happen.

What the heck?! Does anyone else experience this? Do you ever say anything to the caregivers or just remove your child from the situation asap?

KateLouise · July 2012

No I've never experienced that.

When DD1 was really into hitting/pinching/pushing other kids (when she was around 2) I hovered really close by so I could intervene and re-enforce nice behaviour. I think some parents thought I was, "that Mum" being over-protective of her child, they didn't realise I was getting ready to save their kid from my kid.

Are these kids who are old enough to know better like 5 yr olds? Or toddleres that are doing typical toddler hitting etc?

I have been in situations where kids have innocently been too rough with DD1 like trying to pick her, or knocking her over in their exuberance. I just explain they can't pick her up, or remind them to watch out for littlies.

If a kid was being aggressive, I think I'd happily tell them to knock it off, and remind them of nice behaviours. If they complained to their Mum then I'd happily explain to their Mum what was going on.

tarahnpaul · July 2012

She gets a lot of the older kids trying to pick her up, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's almost always a ~3 year old boy with little to no supervision. I have told several kids to stop with the hitting or shoving or whatever, and then I pick DD up and we go to a different part of the play equipment. They are really not at an age where they could even verbalize to a caregiver what happened. I told a little boy to be nice to her one day and found him in another part of the playground crying 15 minutes later. I felt bad for him, and I also felt like "where the heck are the caregivers??"

KateLouise · July 2012

tarahnpaul:
She gets a lot of the older kids trying to pick her up, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's almost always a ~3 year old boy with little to no supervision. I have told several kids to stop with the hitting or shoving or whatever, and then I pick DD up and we go to a different part of the play equipment. They are really not at an age where they could even verbalize to a caregiver what happened. I told a little boy to be nice to her one day and found him in another part of the playground crying 15 minutes later. I felt bad for him, and I also felt like "where the heck are the caregivers??"

It's one thing I hate about being in a play area with a small toddler because I always felt like I became the default adult supervision. Because I'm obviously watching my toddler, I'd end up watching the 2, 3 and 4 yr olds who are largely ok to play by themselves but not entirely.

It really shouldn't be your job to parent all the children at the playground.

I feel bad for the little boy crying too, but like you wonder where the caregivers are.

SchroederMommy2Two · July 2012

I have this happen!! My son is just over 2 and there have been kids from 3-5 at the playground who shake the bridge when he is on there and even throw woodchips at him and the parents just watch!! I try to redirect him to play with other things so the other kids can leave him alone but if they persist I just leave, it's not worth it even being there and we just go to a different park. It's so tough when your kid meets bullies at the park and the parents/sitters don't do anything. Ugh. I hope you don't have to deal with anymore child bullies!!

neverblushed · August 2012

I find this to be one of the toughest aspects of parenting, but I have learned to deal with it over the years.

As toddlers/preschoolers, my kids were pretty cautious and reserved. Also, I really work with them on good citizenship skills: being considerate and respectful, solving problems by talking things out instead of resorting to aggression. I think this makes me a pretty good parent. But the reward for my "good parenting" turned out to be that my kids were always coming out on the receiving end of other kids' bad behavior in public places like parks, playgrounds, and pools.

I find it very frustrating when other parents and caregivers just accept rude, pushy, aggressive behavior in their kids. It's worse when they subtly or openly encourage these behaviors, which also happens.

Over the years I have learned to relax a little about this. Our kids have to live in the world, and the world is full of nice people and mean ones. We can't keep our kids sheltered in a bubble of like-mindedness forever -- we wouldn't be doing them any favors. Also, I have learned to help my kids become more assertive in play situations without being aggressive.

I try to let them handle things as much as possible, then intervene and model how to solve problems assertively and diplomatically when my kids are stuck.

I have to run an errand, but I will try to come back and post an example situation later today.

nosoup4u · August 2012

fredalina:
I've been lucky with mostly really nice older kids at playgrounds. When she was that age, I would leave with her. Soon I started coaching her what to say if she didn't like something, and I would reinforce it to the others: "She said stop. She doesn't like that. You need to stop." Now I reinforce less and just coach her on what to say (or we leave).

Yeah, I remind my kids to say "stop" or "no" if someone is bothering them. I also don't feel bad telling big kids to leave the little ones alone. You can always say things like "be gentle" that isn't straight-up reprimanding.

It drives me nuts when big kids are being jerks, and their caregivers can see it happening, and they still don't do anything about it.

tarahnpaul · August 2012

neverblushed:
I find this to be one of the toughest aspects of parenting, but I have learned to deal with it over the years.
As toddlers/preschoolers, my kids were pretty cautious and reserved. Also, I really work with them on good citizenship skills: being considerate and respectful, solving problems by talking things out instead of resorting to aggression. I think this makes me a pretty good parent. But the reward for my "good parenting" turned out to be that my kids were always coming out on the receiving end of other kids' bad behavior in public places like parks, playgrounds, and pools.
I find it very frustrating when other parents and caregivers just accept rude, pushy, aggressive behavior in their kids. It's worse when they subtly or openly encourage these behaviors, which also happens.
Over the years I have learned to relax a little about this. Our kids have to live in the world, and the world is full of nice people and mean ones. We can't keep our kids sheltered in a bubble of like-mindedness forever -- we wouldn't be doing them any favors. Also, I have learned to help my kids become more assertive in play situations without being aggressive.
I try to let them handle things as much as possible, then intervene and model how to solve problems assertively and diplomatically when my kids are stuck.
I have to run an errand, but I will try to come back and post an example situation later today.

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to help her with conflict resolution versus just not putting her in a situation where it's just straight-out one-sided aggression, like seems to happen at this park with this group of kids. There's not an actual conflict going on, like they're trying to work out sharing a toy or something. It's like a kid is standing next to her and comes over to her and shoves her out of his way and then hits her. Crap like that. Or like the PP above, their kid is on the bridge and kids are throwing rocks at them?! As adults, we don't have to deal with unprovoked physical aggression, I'm just unsure about why children have to. Thoughts??

Angela814 · August 2012

Charlotte's at a pushing stage, so I'm always right by her to make sure she's behaving. She also tends to get more timid if there are a lot of kids around. If I'm not there, her big sister is taking her around and looking after her.

Usually our parks are pretty deserted. I'm not sure why since there are tons of kids in the area, but there are also a lot of parks too.

Bride-hilda · August 2012

I would tell the bullies not to do what they did because it hurts so-and-so and that they need to apologize or I would tell their parents. Then I would tell their caregiver, if DD did not receive an apology, and if the caregiver gave me attitude, I would go to another park. I mean, what else can you do? It's sad how limited we are when it comes to safety and consideration.

I actually don't have kids yet, (7 more months!) but I had a kid push ME at my work, while her mom watched on and did NOTHING! I couldn't believe it!

[Deleted User] · August 2012

tarahnpaul:
As adults, we don't have to deal with unprovoked physical aggression, I'm just unsure about why children have to. Thoughts??

We don't? Have you never been mugged?

Children face unprovoked physical aggression from other kids because....those other kids are kids. Children are not the most naturally wise or rational people. They experience their world physically to a greater extent than adults do. They react physically more than adults do. Yes, it's up to us to teach our children that they can't act like the sociopaths they want to be, but in the mean time, getting knocked down on the playground is not something that is possible to avoid entirely.

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