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August 2011 Moms
melissa0726
member
When you leave LO with a babysitter...
melissa0726
member
What's your approach when you leave LO with a babysitter? Do you wait until he or she is distracted by the babysitter and then scoot out of the house, or do you let him or her see that you are leaving?
Here's why I'm asking... we don't go out a lot and DD is SUPER clingy with me on a constant basis right now. So, a couple times a day, I do have to "sneak" away from her in order to get five minutes without her hanging on me. We went to dinner last week for my birthday and I really wanted to sneak out while she was playing with my FIL. But my MIL is big on this belief that it's important for the baby to see the parents leaving. So there was a huge production at the door with DD crying and reaching for me while they were waving good-bye to us as we pulled away. I felt bad the whole time we were out and thought it could have been avoided if they had let us sneak away while she was playing happily. As for DD, she they reported back that she was miserable most of the time we were gone, and I felt like her crying fit set a bad tone for the visit. She is generally very comfortable with spending time with my ILs. We have a wedding this weekend, and I'm not really looking forward to a repeat.
Anyway, what does everyone else think? Do you think it's important for your LO to see and know that you are leaving? Or are you ok with sneaking off while he or she is happily playing?
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Re: When you leave LO with a babysitter...
You do what you think is best for your kid and the particular situation.
I can walk away from both of my boys, but knowing what you know about your babe, I would never walk away.
I would have snuck away. Your LO will not cling forever, and there's no need for you to force LO to adjust to letting go of you at this age, IMHO.
Next time MIL has a bright idea that doesn't jive with what you know of your LO, I'd just come up with a way of telling her thanks, but no thanks.
Good luck!!
I just think that long before there were books and scientific studies and other NOSEY ASS people, parents had instincts. I think that all of the contradicting information out there drowns out your instinctual voice telling you that this doesn't feel right.
But, OBVIOUSLY, I have said this enough already.
Perhaps I should post this under UO........After working in a daycare I HATE when parents 'sneak' out the door. Yes, the parents get to avoid the long drawn out, tearful goodbye, but the child is usually left wondering what happened to mom and dad and even at this young age they can be aware tha mom and dad aren't here anymore. This can (but doesn't always) lead to anxiety/ fear of abandonment creating a bigger issue with mom and dad leaving.
What I've found works best what another poster said a quick goodbye, mom and dad leave and then the sitter happily/energetically directs the child's attention somewhere else, or before mom and dad leave the tells the child "when mom and dad leave you and I are going to do XYZ". Clearly the second is if the child is old enough to understand.
Also to add to things I totally agree with J&K and I think our instincts tend to get drown out by all of the information we have thrown at us. None of the information that we receive as new mothers/mothers is right for every single baby, including my opinion above. Trust your instincts and what feels right for you and your child.
I feel it's important for me to say "buh bye" and wave to him, kiss him goodbye, let him know I'm leaving.
That said, leaving my son is pretty easy on him. So what's important to me (that he sees me go) might also be a real correlation to what works for us and is easy (that he's okay with seeing me go). If you're miserable and your baby is miserable, no one but you knows what that feels like...including your MIL who is not the mother to your child in that moment and may have had babies who easily were left. So definitely follow your mom gut and do what is best for you and your baby. Politely tell your MIL that what's important to her wrt parenting is second to what's important to you. Period. Good luck.
You can find good articles about this online. I am of the drop-and-go style for babysitter (and naps) - a quick "Bye. I love you and [if I am talky] Papi will pick you up in 4 hrs, I will see you tonight." The last part is probably for me more than DD.
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This is exactly what I was thinking. At this age, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by the situation we were in last weekend. It's not like she is learning anything from the experience, so the angst on both our parts seemed pointless to me.
I completely agree with everyone who said a quick kiss good-bye with a "mommy loves you, see you soon" and a swift exit. That is what we are going to do this weekend, hopefully it won't turn into a great debate. Luckily, I did casually mention my concern to DH earlier today, and he agrees with me. These things are much easier when he and I are on the same page!
I will definitely check online for some info, thanks for the idea! I'll do a little research now, just in case I need some articles with my MIL for some backup on my point of view