Now that the trauma of childbirth is fading...

meg_2006 · July 2012

For those who aren't done, when are you thinking about trying again for another?

We've been discussing next summer. That way the baby would be born the following spring. As a teacher I could take 3 months off work, and then I'd get 3 more off for summer! That would make our kids a little over 2 years apart, which is what DH wants...I don't care personally. Just no less than 1 yr. apart!

CharlieTheUnicorn · July 2012

We are trying again in the fall.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

The user and all related content has been deleted.

namara5532 · July 2012

We want another, but we've decided to wait until DS is at least a year old before we discuss it. Initially I said we'd wait until DS was potty trained, but I'm not sure I want to wait that long. Part of the issue is that our trailer only has 2 bedrooms (although we're shopping for a bigger place with some land), so that may put baby plans on hold for now. Ideally, 2 years apart sounds good, but if we don't have things in order for a few more years, I don't mind them being further apart in age.

ryry1977 · July 2012

I think we are going to start when she turns a year old.

Jessiree · July 2012

We won't try again for another two years or so. I'd like the next baby at least 3 years apart from C, and I need more time to heal and forgive myself from her birth experience.

caitie2002 · July 2012

I'm kinda thinking I'd like to wait til DS is old enough to help out around the house. Or at least old enough to be fairly independent. DH has suggested maybe we shouldn't have another, but I'd like DS to have a little sister!

aboynamedbarry · July 2012

We're thinking next summer we will start trying... I wouldn't mind starting to try sooner except that I was so sick with this one and I want her to be at the very least able to walk before going through that again... but hopefully the next time around I won't be so sick! one can hope!

GingerWife · July 2012

I would like to start trying again in about a year to make them a little over 2 years apart. DH would like to wait a little longer, but, let's be honest, he won't refuse "trying" if it's offered.

Huahine · July 2012

ryry1977:
I think we are going to start when she turns a year old.

That's our plan too. We need to wait that long to be considered a viable VBAC candidate.

Huahine · July 2012

Jessiree:
We won't try again for another two years or so. I'd like the next baby at least 3 years apart from C, and I need more time to heal and forgive myself from her birth experience.

Jessiree- This makes me so sad. It took me months to start to get over my emergency C. And I'm still not there yet. Would talking about it here help?

meg_2006 · July 2012

namara5532:
Initially I said we'd wait until DS was potty trained, but I'm not sure I want to wait that long.

Yeah, I wasn't potty trained until I was 3 1/2 so you may not want to go by that logic! Note it was through personal stubborness...I wasn't stupid haha.

sanbry · July 2012

At least a yr and a half but hopefully no more than 2.5 yrs. we may be trying around a deployment:/

shortstuff15 · July 2012

We prevent for a year using condoms & temping and then it's whatever, whenever. So while I do have slight baby fever, I am loving my baby time with her and in no hurry right now to stop the preventing.

raefre · July 2012

As much as I want another baby right this second, I cried when I thought I missed my period because I didn't want to be pregnant again.

Ideally, I want the next child born in spring/summer 2014 so we'll probably start trying Fall 2013. This will make DS a little under 2.5 when #2 shows up. It will also give me time to save a bit more for the next child--at least now I have a good idea how much it will cost.

Finally, since I am the sole income earner, I need to save more sick/vacation time to get me 8 weeks paid. By 2014, I can have anywhere between 3 and 6 weeks vacation (just need to plan to give birth at the end of April to get the 6 weeks) and another 4 weeks of sick pay (I accrue 2 weeks per year).

dizzycooks · July 2012

FarmBoysWife:
We are trying, have been trying, and continue to try.

This, as much as it's possible while EBF...We will do another IUI this winter when I finish BF if I'm not PG by then. However, I am having a hard time imagining not nursing DD each night before bed so that might delay us a bit more if we don't get pregnant on our own.

talitha712 · July 2012

We are on the same timeline as you for the same reason! I'm hoping to be able to SAH with our next but if I can't a spring baby would get me the rest of the school year off plus another 8 weeks for summer break.

Jessiree · July 2012

Huahine:
Jessiree:
We won't try again for another two years or so. I'd like the next baby at least 3 years apart from C, and I need more time to heal and forgive myself from her birth experience.
Jessiree- This makes me so sad. It took me months to start to get over my emergency C. And I'm still not there yet. Would talking about it here help?

Logically I know that C's birth ending in a C-section was the safest option. We discovered in the OR that her cord was wrapped around her neck and around her shoulder, and the shoulder wrap was creating a 'leash' preventing her from fully descending AND she had a true knot in her cord as well that my OB believes would have caused an emergency C had I actually been able to push her any farther than I was able to.

Emotionally, I am unable to forgive myself for agreeing to the induction because of the cascade of interventions that followed - all of the things I didn't want going into her birth. I am so plagued with 'what if's' and can't seem to rationalize that no matter what I did, no circumstances could have changed the cord wrapping and knot and resulting C. It is one thing to know it logically, but another to feel it emotionally.

Complicating everything else is that I know the guilt and bad feelings I had about her birth really impacted our bonding in the first few weeks of her life, resulting in more guilt and bad feelings, and so I know I probably won't attempt to VBAC, because if I don't end up with the birth I want again, I don't want to relieve those weeks of guilt. AND it is even harder to even want to VBAC because besides from the delay in my milk coming in from the C, my physical recovery was an absolute breeze and very easy.

So as it stands now, I doubt I will VBAC attempt, meaning I will never have the birth that I dreamed of for so long, which is yet another way I feel like my body has let me down. Honestly, I really think I need to find a counselor before becoming pregnant again and try to process through these feelings. A chapter of ICAN just started in my county and I am thinking about going just to talk to some other women and see if I am the only crazy person who feels this way.

Can I ask what you are doing to try to get over your experience?

jnickers98 · July 2012

We are "one and done." It was something that we both agreed on before marriage and confirmed again before we bought our current house (there are only two rooms on the upper level). Although I have slight baby fever, reminiscing cuddle time, I know that I'm 100% happy with one.

bigbear · July 2012

We first thought we'd wait 3 years or so but are now excited to start trying when DD turns 1

michaelaskedlauren · July 2012

We plan to start trying again in June 2013 (making them a little over 2 years apart).

Sascha3 · July 2012

We are going to start trying in a month or two. I am in a huge wedding in September back East, so initially I didn't want to risk not fitting in the dress, but I am also worried about morning sickness which was so bad for me last time. I knew I wanted to wait at least 6 months so this is just a little bit longer. But I don't want to wait too long because I am 40.

Plus, this may sound bad, but I really want to reach my goal weight first. I worry that getting pregnant with extra weight will just make it harder to lose. I am only 2-3 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight, but when I got pregnant I was about 10 lbs heavier than I like being. I am mostly concerned with at least weighing what I did before I got pregnant and I am almost there. But if waiting another month or two puts me at my goal weight I won't complain!

And every month I have alone with this little beauty is bonus time!

Huahine · July 2012

Jessiree:
Huahine:
Jessiree:
We won't try again for another two years or so. I'd like the next baby at least 3 years apart from C, and I need more time to heal and forgive myself from her birth experience.
Jessiree- This makes me so sad. It took me months to start to get over my emergency C. And I'm still not there yet. Would talking about it here help?
. . . . .
So as it stands now, I doubt I will VBAC attempt, meaning I will never have the birth that I dreamed of for so long, which is yet another way I feel like my body has let me down. Honestly, I really think I need to find a counselor before becoming pregnant again and try to process through these feelings. A chapter of ICAN just started in my county and I am thinking about going just to talk to some other women and see if I am the only crazy person who feels this way.
Can I ask what you are doing to try to get over your experience?

Our experiences are heartbreakingly similar. I was so dead set on avoiding the cascade of interventions that could lead to a C-section that I transferred to a birth center and a midwife's care half way through my pregnancy. I studied hypnobirthing to prepare for a natural childbirth. Even after my GD diagnosis, I campaigned to remain at the birth center to avoid what I viewed as an unnecessary, major operation.

So when LO decided not to show up on time, I was in the perfect place for him to stay in there an cook a while longer. Any other place in this city would have scheduled my C-section at 38 weeks based on my GD and age. The catch is, I didn't have any amniotic fluid left. So every time I had a Braxton Hicks, the cord that was wrapped around him would get crushed. And his oxygen supply would get cut off. We have no idea how long that was going on.

I felt tremendous guilt about the damage I might have done to him by seeking an alternative birthing experience.

I never went into labor. 11 days past my due date I went into the clinic for a standard NST. A few minutes into it the nurse hit a button on the wall and suddenly the room was filled with medical personnel asking if she needed oxygen, flipping up the sides of my gurney and wheeling me up to L&D.

LO was cut out of me shortly after that. He was blue.

There is this picture of my hand, with about 15 hospital id bracelets around it holding his little blue hand. For weeks I couldn't look at that shot without crying. I still tear up thinking about his little blue, oxygen-deprived hand. But now I love that photo. It sums up everything we went through together for him to be here.

He was a very sleepy baby for the first few weeks of his life. He kept losing weight and we had to wake him to feed him. Taking off his clothing to rouse him would make him so cold. He didn't have the body fat to warm back up. It was a vicious cycle.

For a long time I was anxious about the long-term effects of the hypoxia. But every time he hits a milestone, I become more relieved and more relaxed.

The thing that helped me get over the guilt was getting back the lab results on my placenta. Turns out, it was tiny. Like 5th percentile. At some point, it just stopped supporting him. I had no way of knowing that, so I couldn't have planned for it. 5 ultrasounds during my pregnancy at various facilities, and nobody noticed how freakishly small it was. So it isn't all on me. That knowledge helps me. And knowing that, next time we'll be monitoring my placenta as closely as the fetus to make certain that it is up to the task. If not, I'll be the first one to suggest the RCS.

My midwife recommended a counselor to me who specializes in helping people through traumatic birth experiences. I ended up not going to see her, but perhaps she could recommend someone in your area.

https://www.reproheart.com/Counseling_Postpartum.html

You are definitely not alone. Many, many women need help accepting prior birth experiences. I avoided this board for at least a month after my son's birth. I couldn't handle reading about everyone else's successful vaginal deliveries.

I think your idea of going to your local ICAN meeting is a terrific one. I hope you find someone, or some people, to talk to.

LittleMissSplendid · August 2012

Huahine:
Jessiree:
Huahine:
Jessiree:
We won't try again for another two years or so. I'd like the next baby at least 3 years apart from C, and I need more time to heal and forgive myself from her birth experience.
Jessiree- This makes me so sad. It took me months to start to get over my emergency C. And I'm still not there yet. Would talking about it here help?
. . . . .
So as it stands now, I doubt I will VBAC attempt, meaning I will never have the birth that I dreamed of for so long, which is yet another way I feel like my body has let me down. Honestly, I really think I need to find a counselor before becoming pregnant again and try to process through these feelings. A chapter of ICAN just started in my county and I am thinking about going just to talk to some other women and see if I am the only crazy person who feels this way.
Can I ask what you are doing to try to get over your experience?
Our experiences are heartbreakingly similar. I was so dead set on avoiding the cascade of interventions that could lead to a C-section that I transferred to a birth center and a midwife's care half way through my pregnancy. I studied hypnobirthing to prepare for a natural childbirth. Even after my GD diagnosis, I campaigned to remain at the birth center to avoid what I viewed as an unnecessary, major operation.
So when LO decided not to show up on time, I was in the perfect place for him to stay in there an cook a while longer. Any other place in this city would have scheduled my C-section at 38 weeks based on my GD and age. The catch is, I didn't have any amniotic fluid left. So every time I had a Braxton Hicks, the cord that was wrapped around him would get crushed. And his oxygen supply would get cut off. We have no idea how long that was going on.
I felt tremendous guilt about the damage I might have done to him by seeking an alternative birthing experience.
I never went into labor. 11 days past my due date I went into the clinic for a standard NST. A few minutes into it the nurse hit a button on the wall and suddenly the room was filled with medical personnel asking if she needed oxygen, flipping up the sides of my gurney and wheeling me up to L&D.
LO was cut out of me shortly after that. He was blue.
There is this picture of my hand, with about 15 hospital id bracelets around it holding his little blue hand. For weeks I couldn't look at that shot without crying. I still tear up thinking about his little blue, oxygen-deprived hand. But now I love that photo. It sums up everything we went through together for him to be here.
He was a very sleepy baby for the first few weeks of his life. He kept losing weight and we had to wake him to feed him. Taking off his clothing to rouse him would make him so cold. He didn't have the body fat to warm back up. It was a vicious cycle.
For a long time I was anxious about the long-term effects of the hypoxia. But every time he hits a milestone, I become more relieved and more relaxed.
The thing that helped me get over the guilt was getting back the lab results on my placenta. Turns out, it was tiny. Like 5th percentile. At some point, it just stopped supporting him. I had no way of knowing that, so I couldn't have planned for it. 5 ultrasounds during my pregnancy at various facilities, and nobody noticed how freakishly small it was. So it isn't all on me. That knowledge helps me. And knowing that, next time we'll be monitoring my placenta as closely as the fetus to make certain that it is up to the task. If not, I'll be the first one to suggest the RCS.
My midwife recommended a counselor to me who specializes in helping people through traumatic birth experiences. I ended up not going to see her, but perhaps she could recommend someone in your area.
https://www.reproheart.com/Counseling_Postpartum.html
You are definitely not alone. Many, many women need help accepting prior birth experiences. I avoided this board for at least a month after my son's birth. I couldn't handle reading about everyone else's successful vaginal deliveries.
I think your idea of going to your local ICAN meeting is a terrific one. I hope you find someone, or some people, to talk to.

I'm a lurker and didn't have to have the emergency C-section but had a very similar delivery. I studied hypnobirthing and was dead set on a natural birth. I ended up with mild pre-e and had to be induced. It was awful. Every intervention I had educated myself about was given to me even though I didn't want any of it.

Once DS was born, we found out he had a true knot in his cord and my placenta was incredibly small. He was a peanut for almost full term and he was also so blue. I had the whole NICU team in my delivery room and while I know I'm incredibly lucky to have had a vaginal birth, I have just started to come to terms with everything that went wrong. It helped to talk about it with others. I hope you'll eventually find peace with everything.

sanbry · August 2012

I too had a bit of a traumatic experience. I was induced at 11 days late, went through a grueling 35 hrs in labor, my daughter had meconium in her water. Then I needed a c sec for no progress past 7 and my body was so overstimulated by Pitocin etc that it gave up. Then my epidural shifted and I literally felt everything on my left side during surgery. Luckily my daughter was healthy and I healed well, but it's depressing that I'll never get the type of birth experience I was so hopeful for. I blame my post partum depression and my difficulties with breastfeeding partly on that bad experience:(

Huahine · August 2012

LittleMissSplendid:
Huahine:
Jessiree:
Huahine:
Jessiree:
We won't try again for another two years or so. I'd like the next baby at least 3 years apart from C, and I need more time to heal and forgive myself from her birth experience.
Jessiree- This makes me so sad. It took me months to start to get over my emergency C. And I'm still not there yet. Would talking about it here help?
. . . . .
. . . .

I'm a lurker and didn't have to have the emergency C-section but had a very similar delivery. I studied hypnobirthing and was dead set on a natural birth. I ended up with mild pre-e and had to be induced. It was awful. Every intervention I had educated myself about was given to me even though I didn't want any of it.
Once DS was born, we found out he had a true knot in his cord and my placenta was incredibly small. He was a peanut for almost full term and he was also so blue. I had the whole NICU team in my delivery room and while I know I'm incredibly lucky to have had a vaginal birth, I have just started to come to terms with everything that went wrong. It helped to talk about it with others. I hope you'll eventually find peace with everything.

LittleMiss Splendid - thank you for sharing your story. Did any of your doctors have an explanation for your small placenta? My midwife basically said that it was random. But I'm wondering if there isn't more to it.

hanthorn · August 2012

Ha this is us too!! I got pregnant with dd in May and had her in January. I would like to plan it to get pregnant this next June/July and have the baby the following March/April and take maternity from school and then have all summer too! That way they would be just over 2 yrs apart.

MrsAMB07 · August 2012

We're hoping for this time next year. After DS I swore I never wanted to go through labor again. It was SO, SO much easier the second time around that I'm not hesitant one bit to do it again. I want to make sure we take time to develop the family dynamic we have now and enjoy it and DD being the baby for a while before we add another, though. TTC next year would make DD and the next one about 2-2.5 years apart which I feel like would be a nice age.

jen629 · August 2012

We have been trying since May

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