How do I say this nicely??
I'm planning my own baby shower (if you have an issue with that, stop reading and hit back NOW).
My grandma keeps asking my mom if I'm inviting my extended family (I mean EXTENDED like great aunt twice removed type relatives that I haven't seen except once or twice before I was even walking) and my mom keeps saying she has no idea but that it's my choice. Personally, if I don't remember who they are, I think it's rude to invite them and expect them to bring a gift. And I think it's rude for anyone to show up and bring nothing to celebrate my child other than their appetite; even if they spend nothing and bring me hand me down this or that, I'm ok with that because at least they thought of my child and not themselves. I haven't brought that up yet, but I'm sure the "my shower, my choice" will do fine as an explanation with her about the people I don't even remember or know anything about.
My concern is I'm not inviting my uncle (grandma's son) and his wife. I'm not inviting them because of the lies and drama that they cause that I don't want in my life, or my child's life. My grandma and I can't discuss them even because every time we do, we end up arguing because she thinks he's never done a thing wrong in his life and pretty much has him on a pedistal.
How do I tell her I'm not inviting her son, that I know she wants there, WITHOUT HURTING HER FEELINGS? I have a feeling that the "my shower, my choice" won't go over well in that situation.
Re: How do I say this nicely??
I work full time. I know once I get further into the pregnancy that things will come up here and there and I don't want them interfering. My shower won't be until December (26 weeks) so it's not like I'm having a shower before I'm even showing. I am also a perfectionist when it comes to planning- example: DH and I got married at the courthouse and decided for our 25 yr anniversary, we will have a vow renewal and have a ceremony with family&friends then, and I'm planning this and that here and there.
Issues with that?
Wow. At 7wks I was waiting to see if my baby would actually stick around past the 1st trimester, not stressing over who to invite to give me presents months off. But I guess I'm not a control fre-- I mean, "perfectionist."
Says the gal who is planning her own shower....
Whole post: total MUD.
Regardless of what you decide, you are still going to come off as a self-centered twit. "My shower, my choice"???? Wow, you sound like a 5 year old planning a birthday party.
You know, I honestly side-eye people that plan their own showers, but I kind of feel bad for the ones that are like 33 weeks pregnant and doing it because no one has stepped up for them.
However, when you are 7 weeks pregnant and planning it yourself, that tells me that no one probably will plan it for a reason.
When you add in the fact that you don't want anyone to show up empty handed because that makes them selfish, it becomes very obvious why you don't have any friends close enough to you that you believe will do it out of the kindness of their own heart.
When you add in that you think telling anyone else (let alone someone on the internet) what to do ("hit back now"?!?) it confirms that you must be 19 years old.
Good luck to you, hopefully you figure out the world doesn't revolve around you sometime before your child actually is born.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
FWIW, it doesn't go over well to tell anonymous people on an internet forum what to do. Also, since I didn't answer your question earlier, there isn't a way to nicely say, "I am not inviting someone in close family, whom is important to you to come to my party that I didn't give anyone the chance to offer to plan instead of me."
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Well.... I guess since you are doing all of the planning yourself. I assume you are doing the invites and guest list. Why would you go out of your way to tell your grandmother anything about the guest list or who you decided to invite or not. Unless you just wanted to create drama by telling her in advance that they are not invited...
Sorry I just don't get any of your logic.
Browsing around on TB I see you're adding a 50/50 raffle to your fundra----baby shower?
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/67657466/ShowThread.aspx#67657466
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
FFS, I almost feel like you aren't expecting to fork over any money for this child.
Ditto this. I'm calling MUD.
If she is as close as she seems then no matter what you will hurt her a little bit. Something that might sound better is saying that you will not invite them because you are not close family and you feel very uncomfortable inviting them because of that. Don't mention any faults of his or whatever else. Keep it 100 percent about how it makes you feel instead of focusing on his douchebaggery.
Side note: You can do whatever the you want with your showers. I truly don't care. Doesn't affect me or my life. But you can't come in with fists swinging and expect people to be nice. That isn't the way the internet or real world works.
Uhhhh... I second what others have said about your intentions here, but here's my question... If you and your grandma fight about what a wiener your uncle is all the time, is she really going to be surprised when you don't invite him to your sweet part-tay.
PS I think anyone who doesnt get an invite to this shindig is the real winner.
This
invite everyone. Thats more gifts for you! Youll be too busy to see everyone anyway! gifts! gifts! gifts and more gifts!!
Ooooh ask everyone to bring a covered dish for you to freeze too!!!!
Or a hand knitted hat for that colder months for your LO!
You def need a cover charge. Dont ask for diapers packs ask fpr the value sized boxes and if they want a gift bag, they need to bring wipes.
How does your uncle feel about you? I ask this because if he's not a fan of yours (like you're not a fan of his) he won't want to come anyway. If that is the case invite him then let your grandma be upset with him for not being there.
However, if that is not the case... I agree that since you are throwing yourself this party, spending your money on the event, and are the guest of honor you have control over how you want to handle things.
I would suggest that you slow down a little bit, though. It's very exciting at 7 weeks to think about every little part of your pregnancy since it's all so new. But try to remember that everything will come in it's own time.
Wishing you the best of luck planning your pre-baby party and a happy and healthy baby.
I was thinking the same about my baby sticking around. I lost my last pregnancy at 20 weeks! My doctor doesn't suggest telling family until 12 weeks, let alone planning who will NOT be invited to a party. Your uncle is male so I assume not only are you planning your shower but planning a coed shower. Is this because there aren't a lot of women or because you feel the more people, the MOST presents?! You mentioned them showing they aren't only thinking of themselves...not for nothing but them showing up to this party should show you they aren't selfish! Gift or no gift, they are showing up to celebrate this child! Keep that in mind!
Slow down a bit. Is this your first child? You are going to see quickly that if you come across this strong at 7 weeks, by the time you actually have the baby nobody is going to be around to celebrate it!
Sh!t. I was too far in and forgot to hit the back button.
I think you should invite everyone. Create a FB group, and send a mass invite to your entire friends list. Make sure you have a diaper raffle, and I second the motion to have a cover charge. I mean, you'll need money too, right? Have your guests fill out their own thank you notes--you don't need that hassle after people shell out money for you. And make sure you teach your kid how to be just as f*cking tacky as you are.
Too bad your can't buy tact. You're hitting your friends and family up for tons of crap, and it's beyond your level of intelligence to realize what a complete twit you are. You're honestly beyond help.
Um... okay...
Well aren't we an entitled twat?
Although I wasn't planning a shower at 7 weeks... let alone planning MY OWN shower, I did start researching a registering online at Target and BRU around the same time. But then again, looking at baby stuff was so much fun and I wasn't sitting there thinking "oh this person will buy this, and this... oh wait and this, better add this too because I can make someone buy this too!" so I get the super ahead planning to a point.
As for the link to the 50/50 raffle... that belongs at a hockey tournament not a baby shower.
You really shouldn't get pregnant if you can't provide for your own child. A baby shower is meant for family and friends to come together and celebrate a new life! Not for them to hand over their life savings for a kid that isn't even theirs!
And why in the freak are you planning your baby shower at 7wks?? How do you know someone wouldn't offer to throw you one oh i don't know... in about 13 weeks or so? Although honestly with your attitude I would completely understand why no one would...
Don't forget the book instead of a card, the diaper raffle, the wishing well for diapers/wipes/small items, and the piggy bank to pass around for loose change!
I still think hosting your own shower is tacky. That is my opinion & I am allowed to post it where I like.
You don't get to determine IF or WHAT any one of your guest brings you. It's at the guest sole discretion as to whether or not they bring anything. It's generally accepted that any kind of shower = gifts. That is the way it is, I'm sorry.
Where you are correct is that the MTB gets to determine the guest list. That is it. There is no way to decline inviting a family member (especially if the rest of the family is invited) without hurting their feelings. End of story. You will have drama if they come & if they are excluded. You have to figure out how much BS you are willing to tolerate.
If it were me I would invite the people I wanted to share my shower with. Good luck.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Bahahahaha!
Headed back into lurking...
Awesome gif.