MoM's who are far away from support systems
I have been pretty anxious about how little support my husband and I currently have. Over and over I have been told (by ultrasound techs, my midwife, the nice checkout lady at Target...) that I will have to depend heavily on family and friends. However, we are currently without either. We recently moved from Western Canada to Eastern United States, and we have met very few people. Our families may possibly help for a time, but I'm not sure it is something we can count on. I have some pre-existing health issues that mean I need a fair amount of sleep in order to function, and as babies get closer and closer, my apprehension and worry about getting through the first few months are definitely increasing.
I'm wondering if anyone can critique my survival plan and suggest any other ways that we can make things go more smoothly. I feel weird about "buying" so much help - I wish I had an already established community to assist me! - but I don't and I'm not sure what else to do. If nothing else, this plan makes me feel a bit more in control.
* I have the name of someone to house clean - probably once a week.
* I have investigated a grocery delivery company and plan to use it.
* We are putting up signs at the local college campus later this fall so that I might get in a student/mother's helper for a few hours a week. This way I can rest, shower, eat, etc.
* There is a local cook who delivers healthy meals once a week. These meals only need to be heated.
* We bought a bigger freezer and I have begun filling it with meals.
* I think I am going to put my doggies in daycare one day a week so that they can get extra exercise.
* As soon as it begins again in the Fall, I will join the local Mothers of Multiples group so that I can meet some people in the area.
Any other suggestions?
Re: MoM's who are far away from support systems
I can definitely relate. Our DS will be 22 months when our twins are born and we also have no family in the area to assist us. The closest family members we have are 5 hours away. I do have a great circle of friends here that will be able to lend a hand from time to time, but they all have their own little ones so I can't completely count on any of them.
We do have a cleaning lady in place, though she only comes once a month (may have her come twice a month for a little while) and we're planning to hire a part time nanny for the first 6-7 months.
If it's in your budget to get all of the services you listed, then I say definitely take advantage of those things, at least until your lives settle down a bit, everyone is getting sleep and you feel more clear minded about your day to day tasks.
Unless those people have had twins, just smile and nod and realize they have no idea what they are talking about
I do have family nearby, but not really a lot of help once it was clear that I didn't consider holding sleeping babies help. My mom, who was the biggest help, works FT, so I was on my own during the day, starting when they were 3 weeks old.
I think all of your plans sound really solid and a great way to ease the burden of running a household and the learning curve of newborns. The idea of a night nurse is a fantastic one if you can swing it financially. I had a helper from weeks 8-16 for two days a week for a few hours. She helped me with two feedings and I was able to get out by myself in between those feedings, since the babies were on lockdown with it being RSV season.
I know it seems daunting but you can do this. I survived and you will, too
Our families are 18 hours away. My sisters came to stay with us our first weekend home from the hospital and my ILs came for four days. MIL was originally going to stay for three weeks, but it was honestly more stressful having her here and feeling like I was on display while trying to figure out this new life (and having my boobs on display all the time). We ended up asking her to leave.
We froze a month's worth of prepared meals and I'd recommend doing the same, or at least plan out your menus and grocery lists in advance. Our priorities (aside from maintaining babies and dogs) are sleep, food, and hygiene, and so far, at 11 days in, we're doing pretty well. The laundry hasn't been folded and I leaked breastmilk all over my bed sheets, but those things can wait. It's just not worth it for us to bring someone else in to handle those things, but I'm so Type-A I can definitely understand why you'd want the extra help.
DH is military and we lived 800 miles from home when the babies were born and we live 1200 miles from home now. Its been just the two of us since day 1. Its not easy and it would be super nice to have family around, but its doable. I think its great that you have a plan in place. I would do whatever makes you feel comfortable, especially since you need a lot of sleep for health reasons. Sleep can be hard to come by in the first months.
As someone mentioned, its a different experience for everyone. You'll figure out what works and what doesn't. You guys will get a routine down and you'll be able to see where you need help. Good luck!
My husband is in the Air Force. We were in Hawaii when my twins were born, with all of our friends/family being in Florida. With the exepction of my mother coming for the first 3 weeks, and our AF family providing food for us, we were on our own. We also have a 9 year old who was still in school. My husband also is gone about 2 weeks out of the month. The biggest thing I could suggest to you is to get a routine asap. All the help is fine, but you'll want to get your routine down pat. We did it solo and were fine. Good luck.
I definitely can relate, all of our family is 10 or more hours away. DH is also military
I think those are wonderful ideas! I think you've hot a great head on your shoulders you'll do great!
I think your plan looks good. I agree if you can afford a night nanny/nurse (even a few nights a week) that will help.
Do you know anyone where you are? If so, set up a Take Them a Meal account and see if someone, anyone will help you get the word out - If there is a Multiples Group in your area, join and they may have a program to help out, a church/synagogue or school (DH is in med school and his classmates came to our rescue while I was on bedrest). Friends of friends helped us. You can also send the link to out of town friends and family to order meals to be delivered to you!
My house was a mess. I never folded laundry, and put clean clothes into a hamper and dressed the boys and myself from the hamper.
You're are really on top of things. Congrats!
We, too, live far away from family and friends. When they did come to help, we were straightforward with needing help during the night (in a nice way). Those babies might have a nice, tight schedule in the NICU (if they need NICU time) but once they are home they're all over the place in terms of eating/sleeping. So, all family visitors helped with night feedings which was wonderful. You will find your rhythm during the day, but the night is where you end up losing sanity if you don't have some help.
One thing I learned is that people might come to "help", but they need to know what help really is in your mind, not what they think is help (e.g., holding and cuddling your babies while you are doing the 100th load of laundry and crying your eyes out in the bathroom because your c-section scar is burning). That's why it's almost better sometimes to pay people to help you if you can afford it.
Food, cleaning, laundry, and night feedings...if you can direct your funds and your help towards these things, you'll be in good shape. It already seems like you are off to a great start.