DD wants to know why DH and I have dif. religious beliefs...
anna7602
member
I have been with DH for sixteen years, married for ten, so you would think we would have come to an agreement by now on this whole what-to-do-about-our-children's-religious-upbringing thing, but we haven't. Up until now, we just do a little bit of everything- going to Catholic mass with my parents for Christmas (and letting DD go to mass with them on other occasions), celebrating Passover with friends every year, etc.
Now we're in France, a nominally Catholic country. Even though most folks here aren't particularly religious, there are a heck of lot more displays of the Virgin Mary and whatnot in places. And DD knows DH and I diverge in our acceptance of the VM (who is, by the way, my very favorite part of Catholicism) and other saints (my second-favorite part, so maybe I am really just a Goddess-worshipping pagan). So now she's asking lots of questions that I am sure will grow more complicated.
I realize there's no perfect answer, but I'd love to hear thoughts from others who've been in a similar situation. It's not as easy anymore to just say "Grandma and Grandpa don't celebrate Christmas because they celebrate Hannukah."
Re: DD wants to know why DH and I have dif. religious beliefs...
DH and I will have to face the same thing some day. He is Christian and I am agnostic/athiest. We have gone around and around on this, but I think what we have come to is this: we need to teach our child that there are many different beliefs in the world, not just ours. We want him to respect all of the different options and he can choose what he wants when he can (sorry ILs...).
What we have talked about is finding what is common amongst our two belief systems and that is we both strongly believe that you should be a good person, stand up for what is right, and be respectful. We will follow this up with how Daddy believes in God and his son and how they brought this to the world. Mommy doesn't think Daddy is wrong, she just thinks something different and vice versa. We are trying to think of an age appropriate analogy for when he is ready and were thinking something like "You know how your favorite color is green and Tommy's favorite color is blue? You can both like your favorite colors, right? They might be different, but they are both colors and it is okay to like different ones." and try and expound upon that idea.
We'll get into the nitty gritty of stuff later. I realize as I got to the end of this that I have no idea how old your child is, so hopefully this isn't completely irrelevant and she is way beyond what I just posted about.
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Why isn't that a good answer anymore? I'm not trying to flame, I'm just curious.
I have never gone to church or been religious. DH is a Catholic-turned-Episcopalian, and goes to church regularly (well, somewhat...Sunday mornings are a hard time for him to go, ha!). Anyhoo, DS1 will go to church with his dad, and he knows that my in-laws go to church a lot (mass every morning), but my side of the family doesn't.
I just answer his questions as they come - some people believe in God, some people think Jesus and Mary are really important, what praying means. We talk about who we know who goes to church, who doesn't, etc. etc. etc. He seems satisfied by the answers we give him, and I personally only offer up what he asks - I don't really add details if I don't need to.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
This is pretty much our situation. I did promise dh that I'd allow the children to be educated in the Catholic faith and go to church, but I wonder how I will get around the "why doesn't mommy go to church?" issue. I might have to bite my tongue and start going on Sunday for a bit.