Went to another town to do shopping?advice please
JonesBaby0624
member
I really needed to go to the grocery store so, I went to a town 20 miles away to do it. I have been a high school teacher in my town for 12 years and know so many former students, parents, and co-workers. I see someone I know at the grocery store every time I go (without fail). I have so much anxiety about seeing someone I know, them asking about the baby, and having to tell them what happened. My counselor has told me I need to go out everyday even if it just to quiktrip. I have managed everyday even if it is just to a drive thru but going to the grocery store was just too much. I felt really silly driving that far away but it was the best I could do.
Does anyone else have anxiety about seeing someone they know and having to explain what happened? I have to go back to work in 2 weeks and I need to figure out how to deal with this anxiety in order to work. Most of my students had figured out I was pregnant before school was out in May, thank you morning sickness. I don't know how I am going to handle them when they come back. How have you guys dealt with seeing people and their questions or comments? The depression is bad enough but when I add in this anxiety I am a complete mess.
EDD: 06/25/2006 M/C: 11/03/2005
EDD: 04/08/2012 M/C: 09/03/2011
EDD: 12/27/2012 Born Sleeping: 07/19/2012
EDD: 12/07/2013 M/C 05/30/2013 & 05/31/2013
EDD: 07/01/2016 Born sleeping: 03/02/2016
Re: Went to another town to do shopping?advice please
***ticker warning***
First of all, big huge hugs! I am so sorry for your loss and I promise it will get easier. I had a ton of anxiety every time I left the house for a long time, but I forced myself to get out at least once a day. For me, the anxiety about a situation was always much worse than the situation itself. I am also a teacher, and my second graders did not know that my baby was going to die (although most of their parents did.). Our school councilor talked to my kids ahead of time so that they had a chance to grieve and talk to their parents before I came back. I also went bank at the end of a week and came in for 20 or 30 minutes the day before I actually started working again. That relieved a lot of my anxiety about going back.
Honestly I'm not sure if my advice is "good" advice. I just do whatever I need to do to get through the day. Some days that means that I go get my giant diet coke and do what I want to accomplish that day, so if driving twenty minutes to the grocery store is how you can handle getting out of the house that day, that's maybe what you need to do. I have had anxiety at the grocery store before. The other day I was shopping with my husband and went around a few aisles just to avoid small talk with people I know (that know about our boys)
As for the questions about the baby. . . I answer differently every time someone asks me that question. If it's someone I know well and will see again, I usually tell them that yes I had twins but they passed away. Sometimes when a complete stranger asks if I have kids I say yes, I have twin boys and leave it at that. I have not found any way to answer the question without feeling a little lost/awkward, but I have gotten through every situation and only one occurrence left me a crying mess at the end of the day (don't get me wrong, I've become a crying mess on other days too just not for the same reason)
Do you have any one you can vent too? I've found that just getting my feelings about situations can help me process and feel less anxious about it. You could vent to a friend, write in a journal, or blog if those things would help you.
I'm glad you're seeing a counselor and maybe you should ask for ideas on how to handle your anxiety?
I'm sorry my comments sound so rambley, I hope you are able to find some way to deal with everything. It amazes me how hard this journey is and how I seem between emotions and the grieving process. Hugs.
I completely understand the anxiety. I really have to prepare myself to leave the house and accomplish what need to do that day. Now my husband and I often go to other parts of the city so we wont run into people we know. But I still have the anxiety that I might see some one who recognizes me from where I used to work. I really don't like waling around my neighborhood because I might see people who don't know me well, but knew I was pregnant. Like the couple up the street who are expecting their first cild any day now, and were so excited to see I was expecting too, or the guy at the corner store, or the woman at the coffee shop. It's like going into battle almost every time I go out.
It is getting a little easier though, and I am still just taking one day at a time.
EDD: 06/25/2006 M/C: 11/03/2005
EDD: 04/08/2012 M/C: 09/03/2011
EDD: 12/27/2012 Born Sleeping: 07/19/2012
EDD: 12/07/2013 M/C 05/30/2013 & 05/31/2013
EDD: 07/01/2016 Born sleeping: 03/02/2016
That does make it hard. That's why I stick to journal writing or blogging most of the time. I'm so sorry hon. This is so hard.
Honestly I blast emailed the whole free world because I was terrified of that happening. I wanted everyone to know my baby was gone and I was broken and to not ask. I don't know if that was the best approach or not, but with the exception of one dude who just "forgot" I never had an issue with anyone not knowing.
Hugs,
Jenn
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.