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Late Term and Child Loss
JonesBaby0624
member
EDD: 06/25/2006 M/C: 11/03/2005
EDD: 04/08/2012 M/C: 09/03/2011
EDD: 12/27/2012 Born Sleeping: 07/19/2012
EDD: 12/07/2013 M/C 05/30/2013 & 05/31/2013
EDD: 07/01/2016 Born sleeping: 03/02/2016
What is happening to me?
JonesBaby0624
member
I decided I would start clearing my school email today, before I go back in 2 weeks. There was an email, from one of my co-workers, of a picture with his daughter who was born just a few days before I lost Vivian. The deep feelings of anger and resentment actually frightened me. I am not that person. I have no idea who I am becoming. I feel like I have completely lost control of myself. I feel completely lost!! Will i ever feel in control again?
EDD: 06/25/2006 M/C: 11/03/2005
EDD: 04/08/2012 M/C: 09/03/2011
EDD: 12/27/2012 Born Sleeping: 07/19/2012
EDD: 12/07/2013 M/C 05/30/2013 & 05/31/2013
EDD: 07/01/2016 Born sleeping: 03/02/2016
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What is happening to me?
Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!
My Blog
EDD: 06/25/2006 M/C: 11/03/2005
EDD: 04/08/2012 M/C: 09/03/2011
EDD: 12/27/2012 Born Sleeping: 07/19/2012
EDD: 12/07/2013 M/C 05/30/2013 & 05/31/2013
EDD: 07/01/2016 Born sleeping: 03/02/2016
It is scary. I was so afraid of becoming an angry person that I fought the grief stage. I eventually went to see a grief counselor and that helped me a ton. I would highly recommend.
In the meantime, there are some books that helped me that might help you - they made me feel less crazy and lonely as I knew others had been there. They are Grieving the Child I Never Knew, The One Year Book of Hope, Empty Cradle Broken Heart and Good Grief (by Westberg).
I am so sorry for the loss of Vivian. The first weeks and months are very difficult. I hid almost everyone with babies on FB and stayed away from them in real life. I am much better now, but it did take time. You will not feel like this forever, I promise. But you will never be the same person again either and will always miss your daughter. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Grace. There will be a new normal, and you will have joy again...I wish someone had told me that. We are all here for you as much as you need.
Hugs,
Jenn
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
I couldn't agree more. Some days I feel just plain ugly, but it's better now than it was in the beginning.
The anger and resentment is all part of our grief. I know it is scary to have those feelings toward someone who has done noting to you, but it's completely normal and ok to feel that way. I don't like being an angry person either, but I'm starting to work on it. I remember coming home from a little get together with a few of my aunts and cousins shortly after my loss, and just crying and crying to my husband saying that I don't want to be like this, that I hated being like this.
It is like being lost. No one can tell you when you will start for feel in control again, or when these feelings will subside. In fact, I often worry that I will always feel like this. But, I have seen changes in me, and meeting some other women who have gotten through loss, I know it is going to get easier for us.