Update: Sister's baby shower

dhreczuck · July 2012

Sorry this is long, I've been pretty messed up about my sister's impending baby shower in three weeks. Originally we were planning on doing an IVF cycle, so everyone was aware based on how that cycle schedule worked out I may or may not have been able to attend the shower. My lovely mother went ahead and booked plane tickets before even discussing potential dates with me. Also DH and I leave for vacation 3 days later, (we planned this ages ago) so I'd be driving a total of 16 hours in a 3 day period in order to attend.

After the m/c last week, I was so wrapped up in all of that I wasn't really focusing on the shower, but now that my hcg levels have dropped my hormones are awful and I've basically been crying about it every single day and having nightmares at night about it. I can't even look at the stupid babies r us website without breaking down.

I've decided for my sanity's sake, I cannot attend her shower. Instead I'd like to visit her for a long weekend the week before, bring my gift and spend time one on one. My main concern is with my relatives and her in laws who don't know about the recent m/c. Every single person who is attending has a child and I just can't bear the thought of all the conversations surrounding motherhood and pregnancy.

I hope my family can understand, I certainly don't want to ruin my sister's day by sitting at her party and crying. I don't live there, so basically I'd have no escape mode, it's at my sister's house so I can't just go sit at the bar or go home to my house and cry by myself or anything, I'd be stuck there and then have to drive 4 hours back to NY in a completely horrible emotional state. DH has to work and can't come with me. So now I have to figure out how to tell everyone this.. still working out that plan..

technigirl · July 2012

*hugs* Your feelings are totally understandable. Baby showers etc. are hard when you're TTC, even harder when you've recently had a miscarriage. After my miscarriage, my SIL had a baby a couple months later. DH had to go visit her and the new baby by himself because it was just too painful for me. I think everyone understood. Hopefully your family will be just as understanding. Even if they aren't, do what you need to do.

Melissa

Abeille · July 2012

Sounds like you're making the best choice for you. I think it's a great idea to visit the weekend before. ((hugs)) I hope you feel better soon.

danieleandwayne · July 2012

I agree with pps-- I think you're making the best choice based on everything you've got going on with your body, life, etc.

Would you be able to tell your sister first in private? Then she can tell your family and end any discussions about it with a firm "I am okay with it and I'm the one who matters, here, so let's discuss something else."??

This must have been a really hard decision for you to make-- I hope your family can understand and respect it. ((hugs))

dhreczuck · July 2012

I think that's probably the best way for me to approach it. I'm not all that worried about how either of my sister's will react, it's more my mom that I think will fail to understand.

I feel like after I made this decision this weekend, a big load fell off my shoulders. I've been trying to put up a strong front, but I realize I'm going to make myself physically sick over this, sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be less than perfect and if people don't understand, so be it..

danieleandwayne · July 2012

dhreczuck:
I think that's probably the best way for me to approach it. I'm not all that worried about how either of my sister's will react, it's more my mom that I think will fail to understand.

I feel like after I made this decision this weekend, a big load fell off my shoulders. I've been trying to put up a strong front, but I realize I'm going to make myself physically sick over this, sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be less than perfect and if people don't understand, so be it..

Very well said. And I think your sisters will have your back with your mom. My sister and I are always running interference and having to set our mom straight for each other.

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. It's hard to do sometimes. ((hugs again))

Mayzie15 · July 2012

I completely agree with you and it sounds like you're making a decision that's good for you. We have a wedding coming up and bday parties for friends and I'm mot going to any of them- sometimes its about taking care of yourself and not everyone else. I think it's a great idea to see her by yourself and not have everyone else involved. It's hard to go to functions and hope babies/children aren't there but another thing to know what you ate facing ahead of time - you've made a good decision for you - remember that

annalisel · July 2012

dhreczuck:
I feel like after I made this decision this weekend, a big load fell off my shoulders. I've been trying to put up a strong front, but I realize I'm going to make myself physically sick over this, sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be less than perfect and if people don't understand, so be it..

I think this is great. As much as I'm sure you'd like to be there for your sister, you need to take care of yourself first.

BeckyP005 · July 2012

Big hugs to you and I hope your mom will understand

elizabethnseanny · July 2012

I hope your sister is happy with your visit and you get some valuable time together. Hopefully your family will be too preoccupied with the shower to be anything but understanding. So sorry you are going through this.

Update: Sister's baby shower

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