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1st Trimester
megganc
member
first appointment - alone or not?
megganc
member
i have my first appointment today and the doctor said he was going to do an u/s to verify how far along i am. my husband was supposed to come with me, but something came up with work and i told him it was okay to miss. I'm quitting my job this friday before transferring to another (i'll be jobless for 2 months because of a move - something we planned before the pregnancy), so my husband is nervous about money and wants to get as much work as he can while he's the sole moneymaker.
i told him it was okay, but now i'm getting nervous about going alone. What if there isn't a baby in there? what if i'm not measuring correctly and the dr. says i'll miscarry? i know it's all in my head, but should i bring a friend with me since my husband can't come?
none of our family live close by, so a friend is my only option - i just don't know how wierd that would be if the appointment gets uncomfortable for the friend?
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Re: first appointment - alone or not?
she's as close as i have here! i moved 2 years ago when my husband and i got engaged and i haven't spent a lot of time with people other than my husband's friends - i have a few close girlfriends here, but nothing like i have at home...
i guess i don't want to be alone if i get any kind of earth-shattering news...
that's really a situation i hadn't ever thought about - it's awesome that you had that support while your husband was away. i guess you can't get any more personal than a pap in front of a friend - and they get those done, so they know what's going on!
i'm also a little concerned about my husband being upset - afterall, i told him it was okay!
You can ask that she wait in the waiting room while they do the not so fun pap and then ask the nurse to bring her in when they do the ultrasound.
I would talk to your husband about possibly taking a little time off work that day. During my first appointment, we were first taken into a plush cozy office where the nurse reviewed both of our family medical history. It would certainly be helpful to have him there to answer for his side of the family.
My fiance felt much more comfortable after actually meeting our doctor and the other doctors in the practice. He felt that he would be rather uncomfortable in the delivery room but after the doctor joked and bonded with him, he is much more excited and relaxed.
It may not seem like such a big deal now but hearing and seeing the first heartbeat on the screen is absolutely amazing! My fiance was thrilled that he got to see it and must have called everyone he knew to describe it. I just don't think it's something he should miss. It made the pregnancy more real for him.
We've decided that he will attend all my ultrasound and high risk specialist appointments but he'll skip the billy check appointments. We just had our 12 week ultrasound and I caught him tearing up... it was a truly amazing experience for me, but him as well.
Keep in mind that my fiance is the hunting, fishing, rugid type... yet, I catch him checking the calendar for upcoming appointments. They want to be involved more than they tell you.
I schedule my appointments around FI's schedule, and so far, he has been fortunate enough to go to every appt with me. He would be upset if he couldn't go, but he would probably be more upset if I took a friend to see our baby before he did. He would, most likely, not say anything if he knew that I wanted the suppor. Ultimately you have to do what's best for you, but please keep your H's feelings in mind too. I would ask him how he truly felt about it before inviting your friend to your first appt.
Did you check to see if your office has evening appts? Mine has evening appts on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Maybe your H would be done with work, or could dip out just a tad bit early to go to the appt with you.
I see both sides of this. With my DS, my husband went to all the U/S appointments. Him seeing the baby on the monitor the first time is one of my favorite memories.
For our second pregnancy, he couldn't make the first U/S appointment, and it ended up being the doomsday scenario. The baby was measuring weeks behind and there was no heartbeat. I would have given ANYTHING for him to be there, but it really needed to be him. A friend would probably have been nice as far as someone else to do the driving and of course provide the shoulder to cry on, but I really only wanted him.
For this pregnancy, he will be there. Do ask about better options for appointment times, either early or late or maybe near his lunch break, if he gets one.
about the appointment times, i tried to do this. my husband usually doesn't work on mondays, so i actually rescheduled my appointment from tomorrow to today so he could make it. they had a special event that he would be getting paid double for, so he asked if it was okay. i told him to do whatever he thought was best and as long as he was okay with missing the appointment, i was okay.
i tried to plan, but with my H's job, it's really hard because of issues like this!
we would both love nothing more than for him to be there today, but we have to make sure that we can pay for the little one, too! because i'm moving soon, i have an appointment with my new doctor at 10 weeks, so if all goes well today, my H will have much more to look forward to next time.
i'm starting to think maybe i'll just go by myself - i don't want my H to be upset. even though he'd say it was okay since i don't want to go by myself, i know it would be a little sting to know that someone else saw his baby before he did. if it was family, it would be different, but i'll try to just suck it up and pray for the best.
maybe i'll just have my mom on the phone the whole time