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Why is it so much harder at night?

HoolahZingerHoolahZinger member
in TTC After a Loss
Everything seems harder. And then I review people's responses in my head and get re-hurt by things said. For example, my SIL lost her little love 20 weeks in on her pregnacy. I can't even imagine the pain. But when I told her about our second miscarriage she didn't even really say anything. No condolences or anything. Later on she mentioned they were trying again and she said, "if I had miscarriages over and over like you had, I would still try again but if I went through another loss like I did, I wouldn't try again." Yes, I understand her pain was horrifying but that doesn't mean my losses were easy breezy either. It's 10:00 so I guess my sensitivity is heightened since it's late. But that memory is life a fire in my mind right now and it hurts. I hurt a lot. And I guess I'm here just to write it out because there's no one I can talk to about what I am feeling right now. So here it is, spit out in to the technological stratosphere...
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EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves

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Re: Why is it so much harder at night?

  • asglover514asglover514 member
    You have a lot of time to think at night. The mind roams and brings you to places you don't wanna be. I do it too. *hugs*
    Stephanie Lynn 
    *BFP3:7/10/14 EDD: 3/19/15--Renley Alexander born 3/12/15!!*
    11/17/14-adopted a furbaby named Luna (born 9/05/14)
    BFP2: 11/25/11-Aaron Alexander born sleeping at 31 weeks on 05/31/12
    BFP1: 07/28/11-EDD:3/19/12, natural MC 09/12/11 at 12 wks-HB and growth stopped at 6wks
    S&A together since 05/14/11

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  • RachaeleighRachaeleigh member
    Sometimes its worse for me while driving bc then I have time to think about everything over and over. I don't know why people say insensitive things. Hugs

    4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
    All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal

    5 IUIs = BFN

    All AL are welcome
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  • AlbahAlbah member
    Night time is terrible, just way too much time to think. I'm so sorry you are going through a rough time. What your sil said sounds so insensitive. I'm sure her loss was terrible but to compare the intensity of a loss is silly and so hurtful. (hugs)
    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers image
    BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
    BFP #4: 05/23/12, EDD: 01/31/12, Early MC at 5 wks

    RPL Workup: + LPD (7DPO Prog = 7.8, Endometrial Bx = out of phase)
    Elevated Alpha 2-glycoprotein IgA and antiphosphatidylserine IgM -->
    Hematologist said not to worry and no need for treatment!

    Dx: LPD
    Cycle #1(08/2012): Clomid 50 mg CD3-7, Ovidrel CD13 + Progesterone = It worked!
    BFP #5 on 09/10/12 (11 DPO). HCG #1 @ 14DPO = 131.6 HCG #2 @ 16DPO = 509
    EDD: 05/23/2013 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

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  • pkarenpkaren member
    I'm so sorry you had a rough night. What your SIL said was insensitive. She thinks her pain is worse than yours, and while I'm sure she is hurting and scared, it doesn't give her the right to minimize your pain. There's no points for "one upping" pain. Big (hugs) and I hope you can surround yourself with more positive people!
    BFP #1: 12/26/11, EDD 09/05/12; m/c discovered: 02/22/12 @ 12w u/s,
    D&C: 03/08/12 Waited for AF for 146 long days!
    Hysteroscopy/D&C on July 10th to fix blocked cervix (DX: Cervical Stenosis)
    BFP #2 12/8/12, EDD 08/21/13 Our rainbow arrived 08/24/13!
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  • HopingforChangeHopingforChange member
    Nights are harder, but what your SIL said was out of line.  I understand she's hurting, but she has zero right to minimize your pain in relation to her own.  That's cruel.  ((hugs))
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  • lariviereklarivierek

    I'm so sorry. I also feel like everything is worse at night. A little while ago, right after we lost RG, DH had to literally drag me sobbing out of bed and take me outside so I could breathe. 

    Things are just worse because your mind is allowed to think about things. I totally feel what you said about the memory burning in your mind and making you hurt.

    Your baby was a baby as much as any, and your pain is real too. I hope today is more peaceful.

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  • Meredith SMeredith S
    I don't think your being over sensitive for being upset about her comments. I find what she said highly offensive. 
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  • HoolahZingerHoolahZinger member
    Thank you ladies. It just felt good to write out the pain with my SIL because frankly it wont do any good to bring it up to her. Thank you for your encouragement
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    EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves

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