How do you handle mean comments from random big kids?
CD+AL
member
I took the kids to the park tonight, and shortly after we got there, a few moms showed up with their giant crew of kids, which was fine initially. From their conversations that I overheard, most of the kids were 7 and a few were in the 5-6 range, and they were all pretty familiar with each other.
DS (4.5yo and big for his age) started trying to play with them, and the play developed into a game of some sort of tag, which would have been fine if it hadn't taken a turn towards meanness. The older kids apparently decided that DS was permanently "it." They were of course faster than him, so most of the time he just ran relentlessly after one then another and so on. If he happened to catch up to one, they'd touch whatever they happened to be standing next to and say that it was "base."
So, I'm fine with it up to that point b/c even though it's a really unfair game logically, DS is having fun and was oblivious to the fact that the older kids were being a little mean to him. Plus, it was wearing him out fast, but then their laughter (at him mind you) turned to name calling. They were running from him and saying to "stay away from the weird kid."
Of course, I wanted to go all Momma Bear on them, but I didn't. I encouraged DS to play something else, and then we didn't stay too much longer. Fortunately, he was pretty oblivious to their comments this time, but I know that this isn't going to be the last time that someone will say something hurtful to him.
How do you handle situations like this, especially the name-calling?
Re: How do you handle mean comments from random big kids?
I would have said something to the kids. Like the pp suggested, something like "Hey, no name calling" would have been ok. I would have made a point to say to my little one "Gosh, they aren't being very good friends". And then I would have started playing a fun game with my DD. I have found that kids LOVE when parents play with them. Chances are, the kids would have wanted to join in with you and that's a perfect time to say "no thanks, you weren't being a very nice friend so we'd prefer to play by ourselves".
I actually did that with a horrible ex-neighbor kid. DD and I started playing base ball and, as mean as it sounds, I would not let the neighbor kid play with us. She stood there and watched us. But I feel very strongly that kids need natural consequences. If they aren't nice to people, people won't want to play with them.
Usually older kids (4yo+), for whatever reason, have seen DS as a "target" sometimes... When this occurs, and its a more than a one time occurance, I do go "Momma Bear" but very delicatley so the older children will understand what I am saying, and why.
If its physical, I will immediatley call attention to pull DS away from them, either from the playground or from that area - distracting DS to do something else...For example, in your case, when they said, "Stay away from the weird kid." I would've said, "Okay, guys...thats not nice to say. He just wants to play with you..." and that will nip that in the butt. What you did was PERFECTLY HANDLED.
My comment in itself is passive, yet very clear. Remember your age, has power...which should never be abused. Ya know? Kids will instinctivley listen usually respect you. However,