Nurseries and Baby Gear
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Shower host pushing hand-me-downs
I'm hoping you ladies will have some ideas on how to deal with this delicately. A cousin of mine offered me tons of baby gear when she first heard I was pregnant, and I planned to pick it up from her over the summer. In the meantime, an aunt on my other side of the family has been collecting baby gear from her son, whose girl will be 2 by the time I'm due. My aunt wants me to take all of her gear, and although I'm happy to look, I did mention I had already been offered many of the same items. To complicate things, my aunt is hosting my shower and will see what I've registered for and what I get. She's a good person, but pushy, and while I appreciate all the gear she's offering me, I feel like I can't register for anything new. It's a great problem to have - being offered lots of stuff, but there are particular items I want to pick out and get new (ie: she wants to give me her DILs boppy - I know it had a cover but it kind of grosses me out to share such an intimate item). How would you handle this?
TTC since 8/10.Hypothyroidism, put on Synthroid. Clomid 50 mg + IUI Oct '11 = BFN. HSG found blocked tube Nov '11. Lap + Hysteroscopy to remove tube and fix septum Dec '11. Cancelled following cycle due to lack of response to Clomid. Jan/Feb '12 Clomid 100mg + Folllitism + HSG + Vivelle Dot + IUI #2 = BFN. 3/30/12: Natural Cycle BFP - beta 59 @ 12dpo, beta 286 @ 16dpo
Baby boy arrived 12/8/12!
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Re: Shower host pushing hand-me-downs
Register for what you want. Attend and enjoy the shower. Offer to look through "hand me down" options and take what you truly want. Also remind her that you have looked though another "hand me down" box so you likely won't need to take a ton of items.
If you don't get items off of your registry at the shower, you have the right to purchase items you want new. With my first I was happy to take maternity clothes from my sister and girlfriends. My cousin gave me a bag of Avent bottles (some used from her, some new) but I ended up tossing all of them because after much reading on the Avent website, I couldn't determine which bottles were BPA free and which weren't. LO ended up doing best with Dr. Brown. I also would prefer to buy a boppy pillow, just as I wouldn't buy a used pump. I love my sister but I still don't think I'd use her pump unless it was an emergency and mine died...lol
My advice as a STM? Take all the hand-me-downs that are offered. Go through them and use what you want. Ask the giver if they'd like them back after you are done (or if you don't end up needing something). If they don't then pass them along to someone else. Register for what you want new and see what you get.
** I have a used boppy pillow. I bought a new cover, but I also put the pillow through the wash on hand-wash cycle. It came out fine. A few lumps that I just fluffed back up. With the new cover on it there's nothing wrong, plus I saved money! Don't be too quick to turn down second hand items. Kids can be expensive if you buy everything new.
I'm a FTM---so take this from that perspective---but we were offered hand-me-downs from two people. Both seemed a little pushy about it. (Different from you---neither is hosting my shower, but both are attending and will see what I registered for and what I get).
My plan is to take what I think I will be able to use as doubles---at my mom's house (so I don't have to lug a bunch of stuff every time I go) and some for either my MIL or a sitter's house. You could evne suggest you want things for downstairs and upstairs at home. (We have our family room two flights down from baby nursery. So things like a boppy I will have in both places thanks to hand me downs.) This would also be a good way to explain why you are still registering for identifical items.
I think the PP advice was good---ask if they want it back when you are done or if you should pass it on. This way, if you take it and decide not to use it, you know what to do.
You are right--it is a good problem to have! Good luck!
This. We used our multiples on different levels of the house. It is also nice to have backups instead of having to buy things if you don't receive them off your registry. I took everything offered and just donated/gave away the stuff I didn't want.
BFP #2 7/18/11 - EDD 3/29/12 - Born 3/13/12
BFP #1 4/4/11 - Natural M/C - 7w1d - 4/30/11
I agree with taking it all and passing it off if they don't want any of it back. I'm a big fan of hand me downs, and the way I've been handling this kind of situation is by agreeing to take what's offered to look through it all, and whatever I don't end up needing, I tell them I'll pass it on/back. You might be surprised how much actually ends up coming in handy, especially if you have more kiddies.
I definitely understand feeling iffy about things like the boppy, but as another user suggested, you can always throw it in the wash and have it as a back up just in case. When your aunt asks about the newer stuff you're registering for, just tell her you want to have multiples of as much as possible, and that you'd like your baby to have some new things you can hand down, as well. GL!
FTM here: take everything. Then you can swap item with other friends, some of whom may be less grossed out by using certain items second hand.
We were team green but I accepted a ton of boys clothes. I ended up having a girl so offered them to a friend who just had a son. She in turn offered me her DS' clothes. win-win
Otherwise you might come across a family who is in need and happy to take these items. I give everything to my housekeeper. Some items I am sure she won't want (like those ugly hospital undies they give you) but she always finds a need/use for them.
blog! thescenery.net
I'm all about used items for MANY baby items. You'll realize the value of that soon enough!
I'm very curious as to what the ick factor is with a boppy. It's just used to have the baby lie on while you feed them. So unless you're grossed out by formula being spilled on it or the mom's boobs are spraying BM all over it I don't see what's unsanitary about it.
I think it's more than reasonable to want some stuff new for your baby. I would tell your aunt that you will look through the stuff and take what you need, and I'd wait to do it until after your shower, and after you've looked through the other used stuff that was offered.
My brother lent me things like a swing, bouncy seat, and playmat. I was glad I didn't have to buy those things. My MIL has a friend, though, who keeps pushing stuff on us and it is getting frustrating and overwhelming. Things like her friend's daughter's used breastpump(!), boy clothes (I have a girl), and other boxes of clothes that are heavily stained, old ratty stuffed animals, etc. I have no use for those things, and now there's a huge pile of stuff that I have to deal with. With a new baby, honestly that is the last thing I want to be doing.
I am not against used stuff. I've bought DD clothes at consignment sales. But I AM picky about quality, hygiene, and style - because otherwise I know I just won't use that stuff and it will sit in my house and drive me crazy until I have time to get rid of it. So don't take everything. Take what you want, and say thank you, but you have no room in your house for anything else.
Grossed out by a boppy pillow that had a cover on it? Wow. You CAN wash it you know.
Take the hand me downs. Anything you don't like/want give away. If you don't get the stuff you want at your shower, buy it yourself.
Emily 8.8.08
Madeline 1.2.11
William 8.5.12
As a person who was offered hand-me-downs from a coworker - I believe in this - take them all, making sure they don't want them back, and then sort to keep what you want. A majority of my daughter's clothing is 2nd hand because my coworker continues to give us hand me downs as her 4 year old grows. I have had some of the most amazing outfits from my coworker because things were never used (tags on!) or because they spent money on Ralph Lauren/Hannah Anderson/etc that I never would have.
You will be amazed at how much stuff you will need. You will save a ton of money if you can use hand me downs.
BTW - if you can keep the hand me downs (without having to return them) you can always try to consign/sell them so that you make a little money. We've done that. I sell things on eBay or take them to a local consignment shop where I can get cash for the things I got for free. All that money goes to DD's bank account.
I understand your issue, but it'll be okay.
Register for everything you want. It's nice to receive hand me downs because it is good to split between your family's and in-law's homes, but don't let the hand me downs make you think you can't register. I've loved giving new gifts to friends and family in the past to celebrate their babies, and it's always good to have spares.
I have a few family members who have seen my registry and who have said, "Why do you need that? We just used _____ back then." or who have said "Oh I'll get you that, don't worry."
Well, I'm still keeping these things on my registry. Just enjoy the help of hand me downs and registering for the things you want
When people offer me things, even things I would not use, I have a difficult time saying no. Then I sort through it for what I want and donate the rest of it. Thus far, no one has been offended and some have even suggested doing this.
I'd accept her items and, after going through, offer to give the ones you couldn't use/didn't want to use back. If she doesn't want them back, donate them to Goodwill or a woman's shelter and call it good.
Then I'd register for the things that you want new (like the Boppy and cover).