NAR, TTC vent
I didn't know where else to vent about this.. and I'm sorry most of my posts have been vents lately.
I asked two friends to do a mud run with me near Pittsburg https://www.mudonthemountain.com/, it's 7 miles and requires some training (at least on my part), so I asked two of my friends who I know would be up for it to train with me. The event is in May 2013. Both, BOTH of my friends responses 'Sorry, I plan on being pregnant then".. They both have a young child and we were TTC around the same time in 2011, they both know of our struggles. I'm trying to put TTC behind me and just move on and let God's will be. I just don't understand why would you say that to someone.. Sigh.. I just feel like I need new friends sometimes.
On another occasion, just this past Friday night, we were out with some friends and were introduced to new people at the table. DH & I were the only married couple and once this douche found out we've been married for almost 4 years he blurts out of no where "I give you 6 months until you're pregnant". What?! Excuse me? Hi, do I know you? After his outburst I politely warned him to drop the subject (mind you, this was the first time I met this man), he wouldn't drop the topic about US being pregnant. DH finally told the guy to shut up.. I then told him (and our table) that we can't seem to get pregnant, but thanks anyway.
Our friends at the table didn't know we have been TTC and felt awful about the whole night. I wish we never went.
What is wrong with people? I know I am more naive then most but still..
I am going back to school in the fall to finish my degree and putting TTC on hold during this time. I'm excited about this change and new adventure. This is the first time I've been a "victim" of ignorant people's comments regarding this topic and it just really ticked me off. I guess I need thicker skin sometimes.
DD's mom knows of our TTC issues and she has been really supportive, she's been threw it and knows how hurtful these comments are. DH has also been a tremendously supportive right now, I am so thankful for both of them. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.
Re: NAR, TTC vent
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I'm sorry.
I completely know how you feel. It sucks. My husband and I have been in settings multiple times where people we don't really know ask how long we have been married and then ask when and even why we don't have children. It's just so wrong and hurtful. I've also had girlfriends say the most insensitive things out of sheer lack of empathy and understanding. The most important thing is that you have people in your life that understand how hard and hurtful it is and are there to best support you. Because we are finally at peace with our situation and I'm not sad anymore, when those questions arise we now tell the truth and tell people we can't have biological children. It makes people feel like crap but it also, hopefully, makes them think twice about asking inappropriate questions like that to other people.
When I was really sad/mad about certain girlfriends acting unempatheticly, I didn't abandon them as friends but I kept them an arms length away and turned to my friends that got it and understood it. Those were my go to people and the other girlfriends I went to when I knew it was a situation where I wouldn't/couldn't get hurt. I had to protect myself as I worked through a really hard time. I also learned really quickly that it was ok to say no to events, parties, showers, etc where I knew it was going to be hard. If my friends didn't understand why I declined or came late, then we really weren't the friends I thought we were.
Hugs
For your friends who don't want to do the run, I can kind of see their POV. They don't want to commit to you, then surprise you sometime between now and then by saying, "You know how I said I'd train with you? Well, now I can't." They may be seeing it as a way to keep you from being disappointed closer to the date.
As for your companion at the table, people just suck sometimes.
TTC since March 2010, BFP #1 11.09.10, ectopic, m/c 12.14.10 (10w)
Clomid + TI=BFN, IUIs 1-6= BFN
Application for domestic adoption submitted 4/18/12, matched 8/12/12, DD born 10/31/12