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August 2012 Moms
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Any moms with stepkids/stepdads in the mix?

merricksmommerricksmom member
in August 2012 Moms
I was just wondering if anyone with "blended" families has has any issues before the new baby's arrival?  My son has a different father than the new baby.  That being said, my son's bio dad saw him all of 3 times from age 1.5 to age 3.  My current husband and I have been together since my son was 3 and have raised him together since.  My ex passed away when my son was 4.  My son knows his "father" died but doesn't remember him much.  He calls my husband by his first name @ home but refers to him as his dad.  My husband treats him like his own child.  So on that score, I am very lucky.  I do wonder if my son will be bothered by the new baby being my husbands and mine together.  He hasn't said so and has shown nothing but excitement.  I'm probably just being paranoid.  I just want him to still feel special and my hormones are making me crazy I guess. 
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Re: Any moms with stepkids/stepdads in the mix?

  • CheerileeCheerilee member

    My guess is he'll handle it just as any other older sibling may.  He's been raised and loved by his stepfather and that will make a ton of difference.  You may also check out the Blended Families board.  The ladies over there have a ton of experience and give great advice.  

    ETA:  To answer your question, I am from a blended family and have a stepson.  I treat my SS as my own and he sees me as his mom (his bio-mom isn't in the picture unless we force a visit).  He also doesn't understand the difference between bio and step.  In the blended family I'm from, I was made to feel "less" by my stepdad so I definitely felt my sister meant more to him than I did.  It's a TOTALLY different situation, though. 

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  • dufferoodufferoo member
    I have the same fears as you. My daughter still sees her biological dad, but he lives out of state so my husband/her stepdad basically acts as a father figure on a daily basis and fortunately they have a great relationship. I do worry abour how him having a biological child will affect her. For this reason, I wouldn't even let us consider J names because my hubby and I both have J names and I don't want to give my daughter any other reason to feel left out. Everybody thinks that's crazy, but it is just sad to think of your beloved child as ever feeling "less than" anybody else in the family. The one thing that has helped me through these feelings is talking to my husband about being really conscious of not paying more attention to one or the other. Also, we are planning on each having a "date night/afternoon" weekly with my daughter to make sure we get quality time in just with her.
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  • phq2011phq2011
    I am the step child in my family and even tho I have no siblings, I actually feel strange referring to BM because she died. My SM is really the only mom I know (married my dad when I was 3) so for my family, she is mom and BM is referred to by her first name. So I wouldn't worry too much.
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  • lady_tytahlady_tytah member
    My daughter has a different dad but my hubs has raised her since conception. She sees him and knows who he is but is nothing but excited about having a baby brother.
    My bff's oldest son knows his dad. My bff has 2 kids by her husband and the ODS' father has a child from someone else. None of the kids have jealousy issues.
    I think the only way you can have issues if you or some*rude*one makes it a big issue. Now of course he could have issues later because he doesnt remember his bio father but that will have  nothing to do with you having another child/
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  • gracie__rgracie__r member

    I have a stepson.  He is quite a bit older than the girls and I think we had it pretty lucky, since my SS is so laid back.  We actually had more issues with his bio-mom acting up about the whole thing.

    Anyway, like a PP said, I think that any time you add a new sibling it can strain a family relationship.  I wouldn't treat it any differently than if your son was your husband's child also.

    DH and I married 8 years. Mom of three, stepmom of one.

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  • AprilAngieAprilAngie member
    How old is your son now?
    lolololo
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  • merricksmommerricksmom member
    He is 8 and a half and pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  He's been the baby for so long it's probably going to be a little strange for him.  
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