Feel like I should report this, but to whom? — The Bump
Adoption

Feel like I should report this, but to whom?

Backstory:  I' m white my husband is black, and we have 2 kids together. The other day, I was at the store with my older child when I was approached by a well-dressed woman.  She did the whole beat around the bush thing with the compliments and semi-questions until finally I just said, "yes, I gave birth to him. My husband is black."

She then proceeded to ask me if I "would consider another one", then went on to explain that she belongs to a local pro-life group that stages (IMO) obnoxious protests outside local abortion clinics.  Said something to the effect of "if more couples like you and your husband made it clear to these women that you were willing/available to adopt, less biracial kids would be aborted." Then went on with these "stats" that had to be complete BS about how there are dozens of healthy biracial infants available for every couple who's willing to adopt them, so they're being shuttled en masse to foster homes, etc.  She gave me her card, and the name of her organization.

Needless to say, while I think adoption is a beautiful way to build a family (we're expecting a cousin via adoption and we're all very excited), I was completely horrified and offended on multiple levels by the way she approached me.  I mean who the hell solicits for adoptive parents in Kohl's anyway? It raised my "is this organization coercing birth mothers to not parent" red flag. but, I may have just been put off so much by her blatant tokenism/racism that I'm overreacting.

What do you ladies say? If you think there is cause for concern, who would I address this with? Social services?  Law enforcement?

Thanks and best of luck on your journeys! 

 

Re: Feel like I should report this, but to whom?

  • What sort of organization is it?  I work for a pro-life pregnancy resource center and see a lot of clients considering abortion, but we would never protest or pressure clients to choose adoption.  If it's a pregnancy resource center, their website would likely show the organizations they're certified by or affiliated with, and you could contact them about unethical behaviour.
    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
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  • If I were you I'd contact the local papers/news organizations. 
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  • I have no idea where this woman gets those statistics about parents not being available for biracial (or minority) children, unless that's something very specific to your county. I certainly don't know anywhere in my state where that's the case.

    Now, as a birthmom, I'm unabashedly pro-baby ad pro-adoption, but I don't think it's at all appropriate to essentially lie by pretending that bio children were adopted by their parents. You could try the BBB or maybe a non-profit watchdog... I work for a 501c3, and there are a LOT of rules orgs must follow to keep their status. 

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  • If it were me, I might take a step back and see what of it was personally offensive, and what of it was something reportable, if anything.

    Yes, it's obnoxious that in this day and age you have to be confronted with this sort of thing on a simple shopping trip. Yes, it is obnoxious that someone with a different agenda on race, abortion, adoption, etc. has to be in your face when you're on that simple shopping trip.

    However, she does have a right to free speech, and she does have a point about it being more difficult to find adoptive families for minority children. Whether her stats are correct, I have no idea. And it doesn't sound like she's affiliated with any sort of adoption agency. You said she protests outside an abortion clinic, and she stated that she wants someone like you to say you'd adopt a biracial child, I'm assuming so she could yell that to someone walking into an abortion clinic.

    From my outsider's perspective, it doesn't look like there's much to report, unless you find that her organization is some sort of pregnancy counseling service or adoption agency. But even in that case, I think the best you could do is maybe the BBB, or the local news if that would even play.

    I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'd be floored if someone said that to me.

  • Thanks ladies.

    It seems to be some sort of grassroots group affiliated with a specific fundamentalist Protestant church.  As I said, I'm very supportive of *ethical* adoptions, having family and friends who are building their family through that route.  But you're placing kids with parents, not selling tupperware. 

    BELIEVE me, as the mom of biracial kids, I do get that it's not the best thing for them to constantly hear "is s/he adopted?" first thing from whatever random idiot wants to start a conversation. thanks for assuming I'm a good parent solely based on my kid's race, but I was creeped out by the whole thing.

    As for parents not being available - I didn't check into it, but I'm assuming that's not the case. We live in one of the most diverse/liberal counties in the country.

    SRM - Can you recc a good nonprofit watchdog?

  • image Dr.Loretta:

    If it were me, I might take a step back and see what of it was personally offensive, and what of it was something reportable, if anything.

    Yes, it's obnoxious that in this day and age you have to be confronted with this sort of thing on a simple shopping trip. Yes, it is obnoxious that someone with a different agenda on race, abortion, adoption, etc. has to be in your face when you're on that simple shopping trip.

    However, she does have a right to free speech, and she does have a point about it being more difficult to find adoptive families for minority children. Whether her stats are correct, I have no idea. And it doesn't sound like she's affiliated with any sort of adoption agency. You said she protests outside an abortion clinic, and she stated that she wants someone like you to say you'd adopt a biracial child, I'm assuming so she could yell that to someone walking into an abortion clinic.

    From my outsider's perspective, it doesn't look like there's much to report, unless you find that her organization is some sort of pregnancy counseling service or adoption agency. But even in that case, I think the best you could do is maybe the BBB, or the local news if that would even play.

    I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'd be floored if someone said that to me.

    They provide "crisis pregnancy services".  Mostly collecting diapers and stuff it looks like.

    It's one thing to say "someone would adopt that baby" to someone considering abortion, another entirely to say, "here's pictures of dichromatic Ward and June Cleaver and their big house and their cute little mixed-race kids, and all the stuff they can buy your kid". I guess making it concrete is what made it inappropriate to me.

  • image EgoCommaAlter:
    image Dr.Loretta:

    If it were me, I might take a step back and see what of it was personally offensive, and what of it was something reportable, if anything.

    Yes, it's obnoxious that in this day and age you have to be confronted with this sort of thing on a simple shopping trip. Yes, it is obnoxious that someone with a different agenda on race, abortion, adoption, etc. has to be in your face when you're on that simple shopping trip.

    However, she does have a right to free speech, and she does have a point about it being more difficult to find adoptive families for minority children. Whether her stats are correct, I have no idea. And it doesn't sound like she's affiliated with any sort of adoption agency. You said she protests outside an abortion clinic, and she stated that she wants someone like you to say you'd adopt a biracial child, I'm assuming so she could yell that to someone walking into an abortion clinic.

    From my outsider's perspective, it doesn't look like there's much to report, unless you find that her organization is some sort of pregnancy counseling service or adoption agency. But even in that case, I think the best you could do is maybe the BBB, or the local news if that would even play.

    I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'd be floored if someone said that to me.

    They provide "crisis pregnancy services".  Mostly collecting diapers and stuff it looks like.

    It's one thing to say "someone would adopt that baby" to someone considering abortion, another entirely to say, "here's pictures of dichromatic Ward and June Cleaver and their big house and their cute little mixed-race kids, and all the stuff they can buy your kid". I guess making it concrete is what made it inappropriate to me.


    I fully agree it was totally inappropriate. But she has an agenda, so she's looking for ammunition to yell at people or to put on a posterboard, I'm pretty sure of it. I'm really sorry you have to deal with something like that.

  • image Hav=Fath:
    image Dr.Loretta:

    If it were me, I might take a step back and see what of it was personally offensive, and what of it was something reportable, if anything.

    Yes, it's obnoxious that in this day and age you have to be confronted with this sort of thing on a simple shopping trip. Yes, it is obnoxious that someone with a different agenda on race, abortion, adoption, etc. has to be in your face when you're on that simple shopping trip.

    However, she does have a right to free speech, and she does have a point about it being more difficult to find adoptive families for minority children. Whether her stats are correct, I have no idea. And it doesn't sound like she's affiliated with any sort of adoption agency. You said she protests outside an abortion clinic, and she stated that she wants someone like you to say you'd adopt a biracial child, I'm assuming so she could yell that to someone walking into an abortion clinic.

    From my outsider's perspective, it doesn't look like there's much to report, unless you find that her organization is some sort of pregnancy counseling service or adoption agency. But even in that case, I think the best you could do is maybe the BBB, or the local news if that would even play.

    I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'd be floored if someone said that to me.

    Dr. Loretta, do you ever give bad advice? :o)  And also, are you this wise in overall life? You just seem so..... insightful!!   

     

    This...LOL  

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  • image Hav=Fath:

    Dr. Loretta, do you ever give bad advice? :o)  

    Absolutely. I think I've been flamed at least once on every board I've visited ;)

    And also, are you this wise in overall life? You just seem so..... insightful!!   

    Probably not. The joy of the internet is I can type and re-type until I like what I see ;)

  • image EgoCommaAlter:
    image Dr.Loretta:

    If it were me, I might take a step back and see what of it was personally offensive, and what of it was something reportable, if anything.

    Yes, it's obnoxious that in this day and age you have to be confronted with this sort of thing on a simple shopping trip. Yes, it is obnoxious that someone with a different agenda on race, abortion, adoption, etc. has to be in your face when you're on that simple shopping trip.

    However, she does have a right to free speech, and she does have a point about it being more difficult to find adoptive families for minority children. Whether her stats are correct, I have no idea. And it doesn't sound like she's affiliated with any sort of adoption agency. You said she protests outside an abortion clinic, and she stated that she wants someone like you to say you'd adopt a biracial child, I'm assuming so she could yell that to someone walking into an abortion clinic.

    From my outsider's perspective, it doesn't look like there's much to report, unless you find that her organization is some sort of pregnancy counseling service or adoption agency. But even in that case, I think the best you could do is maybe the BBB, or the local news if that would even play.

    I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'd be floored if someone said that to me.

    They provide "crisis pregnancy services".  Mostly collecting diapers and stuff it looks like.

    It's one thing to say "someone would adopt that baby" to someone considering abortion, another entirely to say, "here's pictures of dichromatic Ward and June Cleaver and their big house and their cute little mixed-race kids, and all the stuff they can buy your kid". I guess making it concrete is what made it inappropriate to me.

    Do they have a website?  If they're affiliated with CareNet (a national pregnancy resource center--previously referred to as crisis pregnancy center--organization), that's who I'd contact.  But from what you've described, it doesn't sound like a center that'd have any sort of monitoring or certifications. 

    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
    BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
    BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
    BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
  • Unfortunately I don't think you can report someone for just being ignorant.
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