A Surprise Delivery and Confession (sort of vent) - PIP

2moms2b · July 2012

So I have had a rule especially since finding out we are pregnant with twins, that I do not want to make any purchases for the LO's until after our 20 week scan. Part of this is due to finding out the sexes hopefully but the biggest part is I think if I can make it to 20 weeks with both of them then I feel less hesitant to buy things for them both. I know logically, even making it to 36 weeks, does not mean a take home baby but the 20 week mark for me is that first sigh of relief. My logic also tells me that if we start buying things at 20 weeks we still have plenty of time right?

Well everyone thinks I am crazy. M, my mom, her mom, etc. They all think I should breath that sigh at 12 weeks and then embrace this pregnancy and start getting things knocked off the list...especially since some of the more expensive things we need two of (car seats, double stroller, 2 cribs etc)

Well today I got a package in the mail. I thought it might be something for work so I opened it... I will start by saying I am very thankful for anything that anyone feels they would like to purchase for us or the babies. I do not expect anyone to get anything and I completely expect for us to buy anything the LO's need.

Inside the box is two of the cutest mobiles I have every seen that match our nursery decor. She ordered them custom made for the twins. They are from my mom and I couldn't love them anymore. I called her immediately and thanked her for them. She did tell me she was sorry they already arrived and they should have taken longer (like 5 more weeks). I felt really bad that she felt the need to apologize. Now I feel like I am letting my fears about these two little ones affect others especially M. She asks all the time if we can go look at stuff for the LOs. Part of me knows this is her way to show excitement. I am fine looking but we only stay like 5 to 10 minutes as I start getting very overwhelmed.

I guess I need to relax a little I just cannot help but feeling this nagging that what if something happens to one of them or heaven forbid both of them... I am constantly telling myself that today I am pregnant with twins and today I will celebrate that.

There is a pic of one of the mobiles below as I really do thing they are perfect and I cannot wait to hang them over the cribs when we get them.

TIA for listening and sorry this got longer than I meant it to.

madisonpeas · July 2012

Just a short response: Those mobiles are SO awesome. We held back on quite a bit of stuff for awhile too; it's understandable. And um, those rock!

2moms2b · July 2012

Thank you! I absolutely love them and they play music!

I think I am going to turn a new leaf today and just go for it. Live in each day and love each day!

LolaBelle515 · July 2012

Beautiful mobiles! I definitely understand your feelings and you get to feel whatever you feel, for sure! Everyone experiences things differently and you get to make your own decisions.

I think it's great to see your second post about wanting to move forward and buy things--I will say as the non-pregnant parent, purchasing things and researching things, especially in that first trimester, made me feel like I was doing something and helped me live into my excitement. I can definitely understand your partner's perspective. If you do decide you're not quite ready, perhaps the two of you can determine tasks that she can take on (researching a crib, for example) that might help her meet her desire to "do" something during the early part of the pregnancy? I know that was meaningful for me:)

Congrats again!!

leapgirl8 · July 2012

We waited a long time to make all of our major purchases because we were moving when Jen was pretty far along (I already can't remember, ha - but I think it was 27 weeks or something like that). We had plenty of time to buy everything after the move but before the babies came, but I did a lot of research and decision-making beforehand. I think if it's a good way of managing your fear, it's fine to hold off - but it sounds like you're starting to feel more constrained or anxious about it, and making some small purchases would make you feel better.

I know some people hold off because they think that it would make it worse to come home to a bunch of baby stuff if they lost the babies. But to me, nothing could make that situation worse. It's as bad as it gets. Also, if that happened I knew friends or family would come over and take the stuff away immediately if I asked them to.

Best of luck during the rest of your pregnancy. You're doing fine and those babies are doing fine too, and I for one believe that you have two healthy happy kiddos in your future! Hugs!

2moms2b · July 2012

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and LolaBelle for your point of view from the other side. I try my best to remember that M struggles with being non-bio and her bond with the babies come different than mine right now. I know for her buying things or setting up the nursery is her way to connect with the pregnancy. For her it's also a way for her to "help" and I think why she will not let me do certain things claiming I should rest and grow the babies. She has been amazing in these first few weeks and I have no doubt that she will continue to be amazing

I really do appreciate everyone here and for everyone sharing their experience and giving virtual hugs. I think it brings me out of my head some days and helps to show me the things to celebrate and enjoy vs focusing on the worry/unknown. I am so thankful for the support here and IRL!

Thanks again!!!

2moms2twins · July 2012

i titally get your waiting .. But I am super Jew in some cases and it was bad MOJO in my mind .. we were prego with the twins a year ago ( AWW A YEAR AGO ) and I was so the same way no one buy anything no one mention anything ... Oh and we waited to find out what we were having too .. I was against it at first but with TTC everything was so planned out it was the BEST and only surprise so it was 100% awesome .. and I would do it over a bazillion times...

We used the 20week mark too but we had come complications ... I did not buy anything but family and friends did .. and if they gave to me I was Aww cute and then put in a room somewhere... not ungrateful just superstitious .. a bit

Happy healthy pregnancy to you and it is crazy crazy .. how quickly it passes...

The mobiles are ADORABLE !!!

thiswillbe · July 2012

Very cute mobiles!

I think you should do whatever you and M feel most comfortable with. We were very cautious, and waited till 24 weeks to get anything for the kids. (The couple of gifts we did get in advance were stored in a closet.) Waiting is what felt right for us both, but I think if we'd felt differently, we probably would have deferred to whoever was most cautious.

Now, on the other hand, we were scrambling to get everything ready toward the end, and if I'd been put on bedrest there are lots of things I wouldn't have been able to participate in (like picking the cribs). So if you need a nudge to let the anxiety go, tell yourself you're just wanting to be well-prepared.

Best wishes!!

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