DH unable to console LO.

doggie mama · July 2012

I am struggling with the fact that DH doesn't seem to be able to comfort our DD tha way I can. It makes it hard to get any rest. I hate hearing her so upset when I suspect I could make her feel better. DH gets mad because he says I don't trust him. The fact is, I don't. He fell asleep in the bed with her last night, he doesn't get that she's too young to cry it out, and he doesn't understand that I need him to make sure I get food and some rest if I'm going to adequately nurse her. He just doesn't seem to instinctively know what she needs at all. Am I the only one struggling with this?

bethCT · July 2012

sigh, today i am your dh. whichever baby is not nursing or bottle feeding is screaming. no advice, just that I feel your pain, and his

RTaylor12 · July 2012

One thing that stuck a chord with me is how you mentioned that your DH fell asleep with your DD in bed. After an evening of being super stressed because DD wouldn't sleep, DH offered to stay up with her until she fell asleep so I could go ahead to bed. Then as I'm walking down the hall to go to bed, he mentions that he'll just sleep with her laying on the Boppy in the recliner. I got so mad! I stormed back into the living room and gave him a lecture on how if I don't cut corners and nap while BFing, he couldn't cut corners and nap with her in his arms either! Not only is it not safe, it's not flucking fair! MEN!

Pandril19 · July 2012

Could have written all this almost word for word myself.

TheBoy's instinct when LO cries is to look at her and say "shhh" softly. Then he invariably looks at me and says something like, "Well, when's the last time you changed her?"

I don't think I instinctively know what she needs, but i know that when a newborn cries, you pick her up, you hold her/rock her/check her diaper, feed her, etc. And it's possibly at some point that none of those will work. But looking at her is unlikely to fix anything.

Pandril19 · July 2012

bethCT:
sigh, today i am your dh. whichever baby is not nursing or bottle feeding is screaming. no advice, just that I feel your pain, and his

I have no idea how you manage twins. I think you're a hero already.

katybug499 · July 2012

Pandril19:
Could have written all this almost word for word myself.

TheBoy's instinct when LO cries is to look at her and say "shhh" softly. Then he invariably looks at me and says something like, "Well, when's the last time you changed her?"

I don't think I instinctively know what she needs, but i know that when a newborn cries, you pick her up, you hold her/rock her/check her diaper, feed her, etc. And it's possibly at some point that none of those will work. But looking at her is unlikely to fix anything.

That is so my DH. He buys himself like 30 seconds to 2 minutes by rocking her rock n play and shushing. Then he sits back like his job is done now. Eventually, she's so pissed by not having her actual needs met that she's shrieking whenever she stirs. The way we work our days is that I'm up all night with her and he lets me get a long nap during the day and gives her one bottle that I pump the day before. The last few days she hasn't gotten that bottle because I stumble from our bedroom halfway through my nap because she sounds like she's dying. Today, he didn't even start defrosting the breast milk for her bottle until she was already screaming! I'm like, dude...really??

doggie mama · July 2012

I'm just at my wits end with him. He is quite simply not pulling his weight. And he does not see it at all. And there's really nobody I can call for help, except my mom, who is not happy with him eitger so I don't want to further strain tgat relationship. Plus I am managing pretty well, and wouldn't really need extra help if he would just do a little more. I mean he's her father; there's no reason he can't do more.

surprise3rd · July 2012

He will learn. When our first was a newborn I freaked on DH, he would sit on the couch with DS and kind of pat his back thinking that would calm him. I freaked. Screamed, get off your A$$, walk around sway with him, talk to him, shush him, a few back pats is not going to get the job done you lazy SOB....yes, hormones were raging. Now with #3 he is a pro. You may have to teach him when you are calm, can honestly say that screaming at DH and calling him an SOB didn't really help the situation although it did make me feel better. Guys dont' get it, they don't for the most part have that natural instinct. Hang in there.

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