Is this normal or a sign bedsharing should end?

ninakbo79 · July 2012

Hi, all. I haven't been on TB in awhile but wanted to see what others' experience is with issue we're having. DS is still nursing and we bedshare. However, at almost a year old, he still wakes frequently...sometimes hourly! Is it bc there's so much happening developmentally right now, or is this abnormal? I thought he'd get closer to STTN as he got older and I'm not sure how much longer I can function on such poor sleep. Any chance this may correct itself? Any advice or insight would be appreciated!

mollybloom · July 2012

We didn't bedshare nearly as long as you have. We did bshare until 5 months, DD was constantly waking up. We tried her crib and she slept 12 hours the first night without waking up and almost every night thereafter.

I think babies let you know when they are ready.

TiffanyBerry · July 2012

1yr growth spurt? DD did this, and it was about a month, but even during the day she'd nurse a whole lot more. IMHO, there are a bunch of developmental milestones that screw with things, but it gets better over time. 12mo is around when we put her on a mattress on the floor next to our bed, though I'm down on that mattress with her most of the time. I think we started partial night weaning around 18mo? It might have been sooner. At 27mo, we're still cosleeping, and we're working on her falling asleep without me. She stopped nursing to sleep a year ago, but needed me in there with her for a long time. Now, I stay for 10-15 minutes, leave for 10-15 minutes, come back for 10-15 more, and usually then she's ready to go to sleep on her own, though sometimes she needs one more round.

tarahnpaul · July 2012

You just described my DD. I'm hoping someone has advice. I'm considering a floor mattress in our room.

webMistress0609 · July 2012

Ari went through a short lived sleep regression right around a year. We tried night weaning but were unsuccessful at that time & also at 14 months. At 16 months we were good to go though - I think some allergy/reflux issues that were lingering had caused the previous failures. Are you still nursing throughout the night? I didn't mind bed sharing (in fact, Ari still sleeps with us for at least part of the night - sometimes he comes down to our room as early as 10, sometimes as late as 5), but the all night milk bar was getting really old. We night weaned at 16 months & still continued to bed share full time till right before he turned 2. We had set up a floor bed in his room & he napped fine there, then decided on his own that he wanted to go down for the night there too.

Maybe night weaning would be a good happy medium right now? It definitely cut down significantly on Ari's waking. I actually think Ari took the night weaning well was b/c he was still comforted by mommy & in the same sleeping space. He can still fall asleep by himself in our bed but can't in his own. He just feels safer in our bed I guess, even if we're not with him.

pepomntpat · July 2012

mollybloom:
We didn't bedshare nearly as long as you have. We did bshare until 5 months, DD was constantly waking up. We tried her crib and she slept 12 hours the first night without waking up and almost every night thereafter.

I think babies let you know when they are ready.

This is what happened to us to around 6 months. I could not have gone that long with hourly wakeups. DD did not STTN for 12 hours until very recently and it is still only a sometimes occurrence, but the hourly thing was too much. We are getting back into part time bedsharing now, which I really enjoy.

pixieprincss · July 2012

Normal, IMO. You are still in that 9-12 month period where night-waking increases. DS woke up every 2 hours from 7-12 months. Before milestones and with teething it would be even more. Right before he started walking or had a verbal explosion he would wake up more like every 45 minutes for a few nights--eek! His demeanor during the day was delightful and we were tired but able to deal, so we didn't see any red flags for change. Over time, he's started sleeping longer and longer. He still doesn't STTN (nor do we expect him to), but he'll do 4 to 5+ hour chunks now and seems to have a very healthy, happy relationship with sleep (which was our ultimate goal). Check out the sleep studies on Kellymom, too.

kcisthebombdotcom · July 2012

Around that age DD also started getting up a lot. We transitioned to her crib and she started STTN. I would give it a shot. If she still is up all the time, you can rule it out and try something different.

Could it be teething? Maybe some tylenol before bedtime would help?

And yes, even if you do nothing it will resolve on its own. Both of my kids learned to STTN on their own without me pushing them to and are great sleepers now.

pitterpatter129 · July 2012

We had night weaned at that age and partially weaned from bedsharing, and he still woke up every hour. Thankfully, we are down to only two wakings now at 19 months! I think it's probably just normal toddler behavior.

jesstellina · July 2012

Have you read the book No Cry Sleep Solution? It gives tips about helping babies sleep better, including for bedsharing families.

nosoup4u · July 2012

Ugh, my older son was waking up that often at 12 months, it was hell. We got a crib mattress and side-carred it to our own mattress, which sort of helped. You could also try sleeping away from him, and having your partner do night-time duty, have your LO sleep in a spot in the same room, but away from your bed.

"Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West has some gentle night weaning tips, and she talks about getting babies/toddlers to sleep independently from parents, too.

All in all, I think it's a pretty normal thing for a baby who is breastfeeding and co-sleeping, and not necessarily a sign that they need to stop (obviously, this doesn't apply if it's bothering you).

ninakbo79 · July 2012

We do still nurse all night long...do you recommend the Jay Gordon method?

ninakbo79 · July 2012

Did you have to do any kind of CIO to transition? DH and I want to avoid that route if possible...

ninakbo79 · July 2012

Ugh, so sorry. I hit reply instead of quote. First response was to Webmistress, second was to KC13.

webMistress0609 · July 2012

ninakbo79:
We do still nurse all night long...do you recommend the Jay Gordon method?

Dr. Jay Gordon is highly rec'd on this board. It didn't work for us - Ferber's night weaning method worked better. Ferber's night weaning method is not the same thing as his CIO/gradual extinction method. Ari was a committed reverse cycler, so I think he really needed the gradual cut back in calories to make it work.

Basically, it works by holding your LO off at each nursing request for 30 minutes, then add time each night. We had to modify this - some sessions, Ari could only be held off 10-15 before getting too hysterical, some I could say "no milk till morning" & he would be back to sleep for 2 hours.

All in all, we had no crying after night 2, & he was night weaned within a week. The crying was minimal (no more than a few minutes), and we always held him & comforted him.

webMistress0609 · July 2012

ninakbo79:
We do still nurse all night long...do you recommend the Jay Gordon method?

Dr. Jay Gordon is highly rec'd on this board. It didn't work for us - Ferber's night weaning method worked better. Ferber's night weaning method is not the same thing as his CIO/gradual extinction method. Ari was a committed reverse cycler, so I think he really needed the gradual cut back in calories to make it work.

Basically, it works by holding your LO off at each nursing request for 30 minutes, then add time each night. We had to modify this - some sessions, Ari could only be held off 10-15 before getting too hysterical, some I could say "no milk till morning" & he would be back to sleep for 2 hours.

All in all, we had no crying after night 2, & he was night weaned within a week. The crying was minimal (no more than a few minutes), and we always held him & comforted him.

Is this normal or a sign bedsharing should end?

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