Infertility Veterans

D&C tomorrow. Lowest point ever.

I had another u/s today - no heartbeats. The stupid tech at the radiology place (my dr sent me there for their fancy machines) told me it could just be too early because I couldn't give her a LMP. She didn't seem to understand that that's not how it works with IVF and I know exactly how far along I should be. When my doctor called he confirmed that yes there should be heartbeats by now and that they are still measuring way behind. So D&C is tomorrow.

On top of that I had a horrible morning because my reproductive immunologist wanted me to have bloodwork before the D&C. They use a specialty lab and the stupid woman from the lab who was drawing my blood in the NYC office got stuck in the Long Island office - she said the doctor wouldn't let her leave because she is supposed to be in that office on Thursdays. I'm like, the doctor is the one who wants me to have this bloodwork! My appt with her was at 10:30 and she didn't get there until 12. So I didn't get to the u/s until 1:35 and my appointment was 1:15, driving like a bat out of hell on the NJ turnpike. I was freaking out that they wouldn't be able to see me but they did although I had to wait. I just really didn't need that added stress.
 
Anyway, I just can't believe my IF journey is (likely) ending this way. I really, really thought I could have success. I just don't know what else there is left to try. I can't believe I will never be successfully pregnant. I know I can still be a mom but I really didn't want to have to have something else to grieve, something else to lose, and then to have to learn about and become ok with adoption and go through more frustration and potential heartache and years of waiting. I am just so over the loss, the stress, the lack of control, the waiting. I honestly just hate the world. 
Dx: High FSH, stage IV endo, homozygous C677T MTHFR and PAI-1
Early loss 10/08
Lap 1/09
IVF #1 "natural IVF" - 1 egg retrieved, missed m/c
Tried several mini-stim cycles with no response
Switched clinics - dx'd as carrier for Fragile X
IVF #2 MDL protocol Jan/Feb converted to IUI, BFN
IVF #2 take 2: Antagonist, one embie, BFN
IVF #3: Antagonist, no fertilization
One last ditch effort at OE IVF (antagonist with Clomid) cancelled
DE cycle #1 Jan/Feb 2011, BFP, ectopic
DE cycle #2 June/July 2011 - BFP
10/28/11 Baby girl lost at 17 weeks due to pre-term labor. We love and miss you.
DE cycle #3 June/July 2012 - BFP, twins, both heartbeats stopped, D&C
2 frosties but don't know what's next
FET Dec 2012: BFP! Praying this one sticks for the long haul!

Re: D&C tomorrow. Lowest point ever.

  • Sad (((BIG HUGS)))
    Anniversary
    TTC #1 since 3/10:
    DX: Me-PCOS, retroverted/ tilted ute - DH- MFI, DH-4 mo of Clomid therapy= no improvement. Weekly HCG injections.
    Me-34, DH-33
    HSG- unsuccessful, SHSG (dialated)-no blockages
    7/11-Clomid (unmonitored) BFN,
    #1 Fresh IVF 9/11: w/ ICSI & AH (only option): (1 transfered, 8BF) = BFN!!
    #2 FET: 2 transferred (2 6BF) 12/11 = BFFN!!
    Surprise + HPT on break! 2/12 Beta 1: 6 Beta 2: <5 = c/p ( RE had given me provera... So pretty sure this ruined everything)<BR> #3 Fresh IVF 3/12: w/ ICSI & AH (2 transfered 8BF & 7BF, 1 to freeze) = BFMFN!
    New RE 5/12
    6/14 Hysteroscopy
    #4 Fresh IVF 8/12: 5dt of 2 5AB blasts = BFN!... what else is new?!?
    New RE insists its a transfer issue, immunology checked & good
    #5 IVF FET 1/13 under anesthesia : Two 5 day blasts transferred
    + HPT!! Beta1: 2315 Beta2: 6442 Beta3: 31,061
    First u/s 1/30/13: Shows 1 healthy heartbeat!!

    Was he was right? I wasted 4 IVF's and the doctors were not getting the catheter in?!?
    ~~ Bump Bestie/ IRL Lynn0926 ~~
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • mm29mm29 member

    I am so sorry!  

    (((Huge hugs)))

    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015


    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
  • ::BIG HUGS:: 
    TTC #1 Since 11/08 - Dx: MFI & PCOS
    7 IUIs = All BFNs
    2011: March IVF #1.2 = e/p @ 6w: May IVF #2 = BFN: July sFET #1 = BFN

    2012: Jan We're Certified FC/A Parents
    May IVF #3 = c/p
    June-Nov Foster Mommy to M (Toddler)
    July FET #2 = BFN
    Aug FET #3 = BFN
    Sept-Nov Foster Mommy to Baby Bella (Newborn)
    Nov HSG/Sono = Clear!
    Dec FET #4 = BFN

    2013: Feb FET #5 = m/c @ 6.5w
    May-July Foster Mom to H (8 yr old girl)
    June/July/Aug IVF #4 = Freeze All
    July = Unofficially Adopting T (10 yr old boy)
    Sept FET #6 = TBD
    **PAIF/SAIF Welcome**
  • LaLe09LaLe09 member
    I'm heartbroken for you. It is all just so unfair. I'm so, so sorry. :(

    DH: Severe MFI/Azoo Me: Compound heterozygous MTHFR
    IVF #1= m/c- methotrexate @6w2d
    FET #1= BFN
    IVF #2= m/c- D&C @8w5d
    IVF #3= Beta #1 9dp5dt= 252, Beta #2 11dp5dt= 417, Beta #3 17dp5dt= 4,952
    US #2 @ 7w2d= twins, baby B measuring behind
    US #3 @ 8w5d= Baby A doing well, no HR in baby B
    *S/PAIF always welcome* BabyFetus Ticker
  • I am so sorry (((hugs)))

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


  • I'm so sorry you're going through this.  (((hugs)))
    Me: 35 DH: 37 TTC since 4/2010
    DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
    IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
    1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
    FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
    FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
    7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
    EDD 2/22/2013
    PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
    imageimageimageimage
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm so incredibly sorry you have to go through all of this.  I wish things were easier. 

    (((hugs))) 

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  • You have every right to hate the world right now. This is just incredibly awful and unfair. I wish I could do something to make it a little better but words just fail me right now. I am so sad for you.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • JM1977JM1977 member
    ((((HUGS))))
    TTC with DOR, low morphology, fertilization issues
    IVF#1 Oct 2009 (CCRM) - BFN
    IVF#2 March 2010 - Poor response/cancelled
    DE IVF#1 Aug 2010 - BFN
    DE IVF#2 Dec 2010 - Transferred 1, 2 frozen - BFP!
    TTC#2 FET Jan 2013 - Transferred 1 - BFP!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • (((huge hugs))) I am heartbroken for you...
    imageimageimage

    TTC since March 2009 // Me and DH - 28
    Testing Summer/Fall 2010 - Unexplained IF
    IUIs #1-4 ~ Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IUI #5 ~ Femara/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ BFN
    IUIs #6-9 ~ Research Study Meds/Pregnyl/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IVF Consultation, More Testing
    Diagnostic Cycle ~ Mucinex/Progesterone/TI ~ BFN
    IVF #1 ~ Menopur/Bravelle/Ganirelix/Novarel/Progesterone/Lupron
    7R, 6F // 2 transferred // 3 frosties ~ BFN
    FET #1 ~ Estrace/PIO/Lupron
    3 thawed // 2 transferred // 1 lost // no more frosties ~ BFP!!
    Beta #1 - 456 // Beta #2 - 1176 // Beta #3 - 2933 // Beta #4 - 6753
    EDD: May 16, 2013
    Threatened MC at 6w2d
    Bedrest for SCH // 6w2d through 10w1d
    Elevated TSH and Lazy Thyroid DX @ 10w - Started Synthroid
    Finally released from RE at 13w
    Charles Everett ~ Born 5/20/2013

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    ~~ My IF Blog ~~ 

  • Huge hugs. I'm so sorry sweetie. I hate that you are going though this crap.  It's just not fair.  Sending healing vibes your way.  
    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • May- I am so sorry for your loss and for all you have been through.  It's not fair at all and if I could kick the universes ass for you I would.

     

    Huge hugs 

    TTC since 5/2010
    DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012
    BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
    IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate 
    IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
    Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
    U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
    IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
    BFP!   11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13

     

    5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d!  Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    My Blog- http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • I am so sorry for your loss.   You are in my thoughts and prayers.  ((hugs))
    TTC #1 since 9/07
    Dx MFI, AMA, Endo, AMH .16
    Lap 10/09 Removed endometrioma, stage IV endo and adhesions
    Lap 2/10 Endometrioma cysts & adhesions returned.
    Ivf #1 4/10 Antagonist, ET Cancelled.
    IVF #2 2/11 A/ACP+E2V C/P
    IVF #3 6/11 Letrozole/Antagonist BFN
    IVF #4 11/11 Low stim Antagonist BFN
    Lap 3/12 Lap & Selective HSG
    Many cycles of Letrozole and LP HCG w/TI and LDN
    IVF #5 8/12 Low stim BFN
    IUI #1 10/12 BFN br> S&PAIFW
  • I am so very sorry sweets.  Please know that I am thinking of you and am sending you much strength through such a heartbreaking time.

    ((Hugs)) 

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  • HUGE ((((HUGS))))  make sure you do something special for you.  Take time to grieve... we're going to run a few more tests, but I really need a break form all the meds.  I'm already looking into adoption as well and 1/2 the time I'm researching I'm in tears.  Maybe we can stumble through some of it together

    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


  • I am so, so so sorry.  I don't blame you for hating the world... and being over it all.  Just gut wrenching ~ wish I had comforting words... but know all of our hearts are with you...
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. Tons of anger and grief are in order - I hope you'll give yourself the space and permission to feel it.
    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
  • ::huge hugs:: keeping you in my t&p hon.  There are no words I know, but i hope that you find peace with whichever direction your journey takes you next.
    S/PAIFW
    Tara & Dave - TTC since September 2006
    PCOS - dx 1999 (amenorrhea) | freakishly long fallopian tubes
    Hypoglycemic | thyroid issues | severely anemic
    Multiple Clomid cycles of 50, 100, 150 - absolutely no response
    Follistim 50/100 | Follistim 75/125 | Follistim 100/150 IUI - all BFNs
    Converted IVF - BFP - m/c | FET - BFN | IVF #2 = BFN
    IVF #3
  • I'm so sorry.  Its really is just so unfair.

    huge huge (((hugs)))

    SAIFW
    TTC since 2008 dx PCOS & MFI
    Clomid/Femara no "O"
    IVF #1 BFN
    FET #1 cancelled for biopsy
    FET #1.2 c/p, July 2012 c/p
    IUI #1 & 1.2 canceled
    IVF #2 ER 12/1, Freeze all due to OHSS
    FET #2.1 cancelled due to DVT risk, FET #2.2 Jan 2013
    my blog
    image
  • I'm so sorry.  ((((Hugs))))
    After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
    Born 7/30/13
  • My heart is just breaking reading this. The pain that IF causes is so terrible.

    Sending you many many hugs and love.

    TTC 1/2010 DH Dx - Azoospermia 2/2011
    Hysteroscopy 3/2011 2 Polyps removed 4/2011
    DH on Clomid / Arimidex to address hormonal issues - Sperm found July 2011!
    IVF #1 September 2011 - ER 9/8/2011- 8R, 5M - icsi - 1 made it to transfer - BFFN :-(
    IVF #2 Lucky November 2011 - ER 11/25/2011 - 15 eggs!, 13 mature, 10 fertilized with isci - 7 made it to transfer! Transferred 1 - 8 cell and 2 - 7 cell. BFP!!!!
    1st U/S - Twins! 2nd U/S - 3 heartbeats!!! - HOLY COW!!!
    Prayers for our take home babies!
    2 babies born on 3/27/12 and lost. Last baby born on 3/29/12 and lost at 20 weeks.
    My angels grew wings shortly after birth.
    Ahava Raisel, Matisyahu Nissim & Zev Chaim - Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
    IVF #3 July 2012 - ER 7/17/2012 - 10 R. 5 F. 4 made it to ET
    Transferred 2 on 7/20/2012 no snow babies :-(
    Beta on 7/31/2012 = BFMFN
    A miracle gift expected to come to us through adoption around 9/2012
    Baby girl adopted - Birth Mother changed her mind and took the baby back
    IVF #4 October 2012 - New RE. Doing PGD Testing. 8 R, 7F, 2 made it to 5 day blast for PDG testing. Both Normal (Thank you G-d!!!) 1 boy and 1 girl
    transferred one beautiful 5day blast (girl)
    Please G-d the almighty one - let this be our take home baby!
    Beta #1 158, Beta #2 318, 1 Absolutely magnificent HB at 175! Thank you G-d!!!
    Baby Girl born August 5th. Thank you G-d for our precious miracle.
    AMA. PAIF & SAIF always welcome - I need all the prayers I can get!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Huge hugs. Im sorry. 
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