Pregnant Bride

keet325 · July 2012

Hey ladies!

Not sure if I'm the only "Pregnant Bride" on this board - but I've been struggling a lot with things lately and I felt like this was the best place to do a little venting.

My story is actually pretty simple. My long-term boyfriend proposed to me February 1st. We were so excited and couldn't wait to share news with everyone we knew that we were engaged! We knew we didn't want to wait too long to get married (the goal was to do it within a year) so we began planning right away. 5 weeks later we got some even bigger news...we were having a baby! Unplanned, sure - but still we were excited/nervous/everything that first time parents could be. We decided to move up the wedding date and have a small ceremony on the beach. I'm getting married in 9 days (at 26 weeks pregnant!)

With all of these amazing things happening, there has obviously been a good amount of stress. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without being pregnant and working full time. I thought I was doing well juggling everything...until I went dress shopping...

I was ignorant with the first dress. Bought a cheap one in ONE SIZE larger than I normally wear and thought I would be able to fit into it still near the end of my 2nd trimester. Tried it on at about 21 weeks and it was obvious that it wasn't going to work. It wasn't even really going to be able to be saved by a trip to the seamstress. I knew I needed a new dress.

So I went to get a second dress. The consultant was SO RUDE to me when she saw I was pregnant (I was 22 weeks at the time). When I told her I wanted to wear white she told me she "couldn't help" me. She only pulled me ivory/beige dresses and kept giving me an attitude when I tried to explain that I really wanted a white dress. It just got worse from there (my stomach was called "huge") and I ended up in the back of the bridal shop sniffing back tears.

I have just felt constantly judged since I've been pregnant. People will see the ring on my finger and ask if I'm only getting married because I got pregnant. I actually had a complete stranger at a restaurant last week turn to me and ask, "So was your pregnancy planned or a surprise?"

Any other pregnant brides out there? Or just any other women encountered extremely rude people? Any words of encouragement?

ambermccormick · July 2012

im so sorry you had to go through that. people can be just plan rude and mean. i hope your day is amazing and everything you dream it to be. congratulations on your little one!! good luck and best of wishes to you!

vnstacie · July 2012

I was pregnant and getting married too!

I bought my dress, which was ivory in January then found out I was pregnant soon after. Oopsie!

I got married when I was 6 months pregnant. And the dress I purchased in jan. fit me!! Woohoo!

Anyway, so sorry you had to deal with such rude people! I can't believe how some people actually think! I'd say something biitchy to them, but that's just me.

tngrl3 · July 2012

Ok that woman is awful and totally deserves a twatwaffle nomination. How rude of her. Honestly it's none of her business! My pregnancy was not planned either, but I am beyond excited about being a mom. My BF and I have a wonderful committed relationship and know we want to be together long term. We had been talking about getting married and having kids, it just happened a little sooner than we thought. We have discussed getting married before baby boy arrives, but may wait so that we can enjoy our wedding and not create too much stress with planning for both at one time. I live in a smaller town in the conservative south so I expect to hear some opinions about my life choices, but they are just that, MY choices so they can keep their opinions to themselves!

Sorry you are having to experience this. Congrats to you and you fiance on your upcoming wedding and your little one!

wawa84 · July 2012

I'm so sorry that lady was so rude to you. That is uncalled for. Regardless of what she may think morally she needs to keep her mouth shut & help you as a customer. Is there someone you could complain to about her customer service? Anyway, I was in a similar situation as you. I got engaged, planned the whole wedding & then about2 months before the wedding found out I was pregnant. Luckily for me my dress still fit (though more snug than when I had purchased it) & it really wasn't evident that I was pregnant. My friends & family made jokes about it being a shotgun wedding but seeing as how it was planned a year in advance we all knew it was a joke. You know the truth of the situation & even if that's why you were getting married, it's no one's business but yours. Try to let the rudeness of others roll off your back as much as you can.

keet325 · July 2012

Thank you everyone!

My mom talked to the manager before leaving and management was really helpful and apologetic. My fiance also called up there after he heard what had happened. It was a mess, but I'm happy to have such a good support system at home and everything has been taken care of. I didn't really say anything back to the consultant - I think I was just in shock, haha.

JulieN0704 · July 2012

I'm sorry people are so rude. Times have changed, and people should change too! Just think though, in 9 days you won't have to deal with all of that nonsense. Screw them anyway. Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful wedding!

mamajanna28 · July 2012

My DH and I just got married in June (I was around 16 weeks at the time). We have a 14 month old son who was part of our small ceremony. My DH's family is very religious and had some issues when I was pregnant with my son but everything is fine with them now. I was so proud to be marrying my wonderful husband, I wouldn't have cared if this was my first pregnancy or my tenth! Just enjoy your day and forget about what everyone else may have to say about your situation. It's your life, enjoy it!

SNBelland · July 2012

What Jerks! I'm sorry you had to deal with these rude and unkind people. I am a younger, but married mom to be and people seem to ask a lot if I'm married, like it's any of your business.

I say SCREW THEM! Enjoy every bit of your wedding and don't let jerks ruin it.

jillc2010 · July 2012

I am sooo sorry you had to go through that. That woman was horrible! I was a pregnant bride too. I had a similar experience while shopping for my dress, the consultant just tosses my picks into the dressing room and walked off while all the other consultants were helping pin the dresses to make them look better She eventually left completely and I had to go out on the floor to look for more dresses. I ended up ordering my dress online (which got stuck in customs in NYC and didn't show up until the monday after my wedding!) I found a little local shop and they were fantastic thankfully Just try to focus on your amazing day coming up! After it's all said and done it will be just a small detail in your wedding story and you'll laugh it off, believe me Just the fact that you're getting to marry the one you love will be the most important thing. Let everyones comments go in one ear and out the other, they aren't what is important. Your big day and LO on the way are!!! Cheer up and I hope you have an amazing day!

ashtonblair123 · July 2012

I am married and 21. But I look really young, especially if I don't take the time to where makeup and just wear a tshirt. People give me those kind of "OMG, I can't believe people these days" looks all the time. People are stupid. I would have turned the lady at the bridal shop in to the manager or owner.

I have had someone ask before (I got married at 19) if we got married because we had a "scare." Um, no.

People are just rude about everything.

Lovely Lauren · July 2012

When I got preggo with DD1 my SO's family (who is deeply religious) insisted we get married immediately, and when I refused I received a huge amount of backlash and was even told by several different people within his family that we were going to hell. (Yea, really.) Truth is, I was 17 and I wasn't ready to get married and I stood my ground about it. Now, nearly 7 years later, SO and I are still happily BF/GF and his family still hates it, but we did what was right for us at the time. People just need to learn to keep their mouths shut. I still get side eyed constantly for walking around with a 5 and a half year old and a pregnant belly with no ring on or people will even ask me if it's out getting cleaned, and I even have had people ask me if SO is DD1's real dad. People just have no filter. I know it's hard but try not to let it bother you. At the end of the day, you know that you and your FI's love is strong and real no matter what people say, and you guys will be fantastic parents whether or not your marriage certificate's date is before or after you conceived.

patientnwaiting · July 2012

I'm sorry for your experience! People are rude and inconsiderate. I was a pregnant bride. We got married last month when I was 18 weeks. If you didn't know I was pregnant, you could never tell so I did not get the negativity you have received. My best advice to you would be ignore everyone. People like the ones you've encountered just need to ridicule others to make them feel better about their pathetic little lives. Don't sweat it. You're bringing a baby into the world with parents that love eachother and the LO.

DelBride2012 · July 2012

Lovely Lauren:
When I got preggo with DD1 my SO's family (who is deeply religious) insisted we get married immediately, and when I refused I received a huge amount of backlash and was even told by several different people within his family that we were going to hell. (Yea, really.) Truth is, I was 17 and I wasn't ready to get married and I stood my ground about it. Now, nearly 7 years later, SO and I are still happily BF/GF and his family still hates it, but we did what was right for us at the time. People just need to learn to keep their mouths shut. I still get side eyed constantly for walking around with a 5 and a half year old and a pregnant belly with no ring on or people will even ask me if it's out getting cleaned, and I even have had people ask me if SO is DD1's real dad. People just have no filter. I know it's hard but try not to let it bother you. At the end of the day, you know that you and your FI's love is strong and real no matter what people say, and you guys will be fantastic parents whether or not your marriage certificate's date is before or after you conceived.

No matter what you do, some people won't be happy. We had a shotgun wedding because we were accidentally pregnant. And I did wear ivory (white is just too harsh on my skin tone). And I got married at 12 weeks. I still got flak about it from my more religious family members. Whenever someone started to say something, I just said, "Well, the only alternative was to get an abortion." That shut them up consistently.

rachael_c26 · July 2012

I'm sorry that people are such douchecanoes... they really are. Honestly, this should not matter to anyone but you and your FI. Y'all know what your relationship is and that is all.that.matters.

I can guarantee you that you aren't the only "pregnant bride" on this site, or on this board. There are sooo many unique situations out there, and that's fine.

Please don't get discouraged or upset at what strangers tell you... because they are just that, strangers. You have no idea what kind of lives they actually have.

And lastly, the comment about people seeing your ring on your finger and "knowing" you are only engaged, and not yet married, is IGNORANT on their part. My wedding ring is the exact same ring as my engagement ring [was]. The ring has intricate detailing on the sides that would just be covered up with a band... so even though I was married before getting pregnant, strangers could totally be side-eyeing me too... No one has ever said anything though. I think I'd cutamuthaf.... nevermind.

Never feel like a stranger, or any other douchecanoe for that matter, should be privileged to know anything about your life... when they ask dumb stuff like that, don't respond. No rule says you have to talk to strangers, especially when they are being asshattts.

Lastly, the biaaatch at the dress shop that wouldn't show you white dresses should have immediately been reported to the manager. YOU ARE the customer. You should not have felt any bit of wrong telling the manager that an employee is being discriminatory and rude to clients. Then promptly leave and find another place to give your business to!

Again, I'm truly sorry that you are being treated like this is the 1500s. I'm sure you will make a beautiful bride!

mandilouwho · July 2012

Crazy ppl I am in the same situation. We were talking about getting married but couldn't decide where or when yet. When we found out we were expecting!!!! We are so excited and I've had many ppl ask about when or if we'll marry uumm when we feel like it. Neither one of us are young and what business is it of theirs. I had a lady tell me yesterday I should get married before because it was a hassle and baby would have a different colored certificate when I went back to change his name. UUMM we will not be changing his name he will have his daddy's last name whether we marry before or not. There's no question my DF is excited as I am. Crazy!

shadetree · July 2012

My cousin was in the exact same situation as you. She got some 'tude from one very rude aunt, and some ignorant strangers too. But now her daughter is four, they have a one-year old son, her husband is an amazing dad, and NO ONE ever thinks or mentions the non-traditional timeline.

The judgement will pass, but it is horrible that people want to rain on two of the most exciting and beautiful times of your life just because they are coinsiding.

Keep your chin up. These people's opinions don't matter.

katie7532 · July 2012

I am so sorry to hear that people have been so rude to you! It is a hard thing for people to have common courtesy these days.

Now if it were me in your shoes i would have started giving the woman at the bridal salon a taste of her own attitude, and demanded that she brought me a white dress that i wanted, and explained that God didnt judge her in any of her bad decisions in life so neither will you. If she still was copping an attitude i would have sought out the store manager (which i still advise you to do) and i would have explained how that sales woman was treating me.

As for the man in the restaurant i would have some very inappropriate remarks to give him.

Hang in there not everyone in the world is rude like these people. No one should ever have to be picked on for their own life choices and living how they chose to. dont let them get ya down, just know that someone with a bigger attitude will give'm a taste of their own medicine.

ironmom5 · July 2012

I'm sorry that people have been rude to you, but please feel better knowing that's not the norm. I'm unmarried, and I have yet to get a single comment about the situation. The closest I came was a security guard at the hospital that I work with made a comment about "babies having babies." I laughed and took it as a compliment - I'm 25, so if I look that young, good for me! (And good for Lancome, too, I guess.)

It might be a cultural thing. I live in a suburb of NYC, and while not the norm, it's not uncommon for a couple to have kids before marriage (if they even do get married). I was self-conscious at first, but now I don't care. I think the confidence that our out-of-order family is just as good a family as anyone else's make people who would say something shut their trap.

I would let that confidence speak for itself, because giving them an attitude would just reinforce what negative preconceptions they already have.

mcdeann · July 2012

That sucks people were so rude to you! I was also a pregnant bride. We got engaged a year (almost to the day actually) before I got pregnant, and we didn't feel the need to move the wedding up so I was 18weeks along-ish. While we were actually ttc, people often assumed the worst about me; it's not anyone's business whether it was a surprise or not. I was lucky my dress still fit (it was a corset style, so we just didn't lace it tight). Being a pregnant bride was the least of our concerns. We just focused on our life, our family, and each other. All that mattered was us, and we were happy. Don't let people get to you, and like other posters have said keep a good attitude, enjoy the big day, and remember to eat and drink lots of water.

Want a personalized experience?

Pregnant Bride

Re: Pregnant Bride

Choose Another Board

Search Boards