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High-Risk Pregnancy
Lurker Rant - Frustrated today
Hi, I'm kind of new here. I've been reading posts and responding once in awhile, but I didn't really have anything to say that I didn't feel I could just post to my birth club. Today, however, I'm at my wit's end.
I'm so happy for everyone's pregnancies, but I can't help but be jealous sometimes. I see people getting upset about things that I consider absolutely ridiculous. I want to shake them and scream, "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have a healthy pregnancy?!?! Do you have the slightest clue what a pain it is to give yourself daily injections so you can stay pregnant and NOT DIE?!!?"
I know I'm stuck on the Lovenox for the rest of this pregnancy. I know that it will be a miracle if I carry this baby to anywhere near full term. I know that if I do, I will be having a c-section and that I have absolutely no say in the matter. I know that I will not be going home with my baby the day that I deliver, or the day after that, or likely even the day following that one. And I feel like I have no real room to complain, because I know that there are people out there who are a lot worse off than I am. I know that I need to show patience to those who simply do not realize the ignorance of their perspectives and the pain their complaints can cause.
I'm just exhausted and sick of all the negativity. "Oh, did you hear so-and-so's baby needs formula to supplement with? That poor family." Are you kidding me? If only! I told a friend (one who had already guessed that I was pregnant) today that I cried yesterday after throwing up for 20 minutes. Not because I was upset, but because I was so grateful that my pregnancy hormones were prevalent enough this time (I've had 5 M/Cs in the past year) to actually cause me to barf. If I were to say that to one of my friends during one of their healthy pregnancies, they'd look at me like I was some kind of alien.
Surely I can't be the only one who gets sick of all of this... right?
(I'm sorry. I'm not really looking for any kind of pity or sympathy. I just need to know that I'm not crazy and that I'm not the only one who feels this way.)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Lurker Rant - Frustrated today
I try to stay away from the complainer-type posts on my BMB. You can usually tell by the post title. Even still, something always catches me off guard and pisses me off. I usually don't reply because I feel it's pointless but every now and then I can't help myself.
I delivered my son last year at 22 weeks due to preterm labor, and he died during the delivery. So when people complain about mundane stuff like their back hurts or their new baby isn't letting them get any sleep at night, I have zero sympathy. And now that this pregnancy is getting very risky, and there's a chance this baby might not even make it, I just can't stand hearing people complain. I'm on bed rest, taking weekly injections and pills every 4 hours. And I still don't complain because I'm lucky to still be pregnant. I totally get where you are coming from!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss. My losses were different, but I do understand the pain that comes from hearing people who can't imagine what it's like from this side of the table.
Thank you so much for taking a moment to help me validate what I'm feeling. I love my pregnant friends and family - I just have very low tolerance for ignorance. I wouldn't wish them a high risk situation. I wouldn't wish anything negative on them to change their perspective... but I do wish they could understand how lucky they are.
It's ok to complain about this. I have never had a loss or premature delivery but one person on our BMB had to leave because she had a micro preemie and couldn't stand to read the posts about being tired of being pregnant.
I try not to complain but I sometimes wish that I could at least have a normal pregnancy and not have to inject, not worry about getting induced, extra appointments or worry about having another stroke in labor. At least I am alive to experience this.
I get why you are saying these things. I really hope that this is a strong healthy baby for you.
I understand you being happy about being sick, I am happy to feel the discomforts of pregnancy and I will be happy to do a natural delivery (not allowed an epidural for safety reasons) . It is a reminder that we are still here to experience life and since I almost died 6 years ago, I intend to look on each pain as a gift.
I understand. I had a hard time shortly after my son died, but overall, I have bad pregnancies. It's hard not to complain sometimes, even while I know very intimately how people would like to switch places. I try to remember that their feelings are as valid as mine, no matter how grating they are to me. I mean, I see a lot on loss boards that people should just shut up and be grateful, but no matter how grateful I was to be pregnant with a viable pregnancy, it didn't make coping with the anxiety or severe m/s any easier, kwim? I just tried to be sensitive to where I was posting.
That said, there were certain things I had no tolerance for on my BMB. People complaining about lack of u/s? No patience for that. People saying that others were lucky b/c we got to see the doctor more frequently? Nope, I shut that shiit down quickly by explaining why I had to go and what high risk meant. I always tried to be kind in my response, rather than mean or rude, but I wanted people to understand what they were really asking for.
It is hard when you've had losses and are high-risk! You aren't normal, and wouldn't normal be a nice change? I just had to disengage from normal pregnant women around the point of viability. While I'd passed our loss marker and knew the baby would probably live, I also knew how attached I was getting and how much more devastating it would be to go into labor or lose her then. So I just sort of faded away from places that weren't high-risk or loss boards, because I couldn't relate in a positive way any longer. I was worried about stillbirth and PPROM, not strollers or nursery themes. I wanted to know how long I could wait to clear out the nursery in case that was tempting fate and she died, not the best breast pump to buy.
The best thing you can do is find people you can relate to and be around them. It's more validating, in my opinion, and more supportive of your unique situation.
Gabriel Ross - August 24, 2009 * Vivienne Rose - May 1, 2012
My Blog
THIS!!! This exactly! It's like I said, I would never wish a high risk situation on someone, but I do sometimes think that I am going to have to go into hiding for awhile just to avoid people who don't understand. After the first two losses, I started to expect them. I never allowed myself to get my hopes up until I had passed those markers. Now I'm so close to the final marker that I can taste it - seriously, it's Thursday & I just have to get through Tuesday - but it doesn't put me at ease. In my head, I know that the weeks are just weeks and even though one may be further out than another... it's not necessarily "safer" for me. I'll still be high risk on Wednesday and next Thursday and the week after that, and the week after that... It is nice to know that I haven't lost my mind, though; that what I'm feeling is at least in the neighborhood of normal.