just need to get it off my chest...

Shanpan4 · July 2012

For almost two weeks I have put on a happy face (to everyone who didn't know I was pregnant) even though I know inside I was screaming, "WHY ME."

Today should be a good day for me. Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary, and we plan to celebrate tonight, but a part of me is soo very sad and just wants to go and curl up in bed. When i found out I was pregnant in June, of course, my H and I were thrilled-not just b/c we were pregnant, but also because our anniversary was coming up and my 30th birthday in August. (All i ever wanted was to be pregnant by 30) I think another tough thing is that even though I was only measuring 8 weeks, I didn't feel I really enjoyed my pregnancy because I was soo so worried about something happening.

My H hasn't really shared his feelings through this whole thing (and he doesn't even like to bring it up)-probably b/c I have been so upset. He's been supportive, but I just don't think he really knows what it is like..so I try and not talk about it with him and just keep it to myself. I just want this hurt to stop and that I can actually be happy again...like before this miscarriage.

I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow-to probably schedule a D&C. Since I found out my little one didn't have a heart beat, I still haven't had any caffeine, no alcohol (even though wine would be good right about now), and i continue to take my prenatals. I know, i guess I don't need to, but I guess i am just trying to hold on to something, that I know, just isn't there...

jasherlove · July 2012

I am so sorry. This time is so tainted for you right now. My H doesn't know how to talk about things either. Have some wine. The day of my natural M/C, in the afternoon, I drank a TON of wine. Just to dull my emotions. Wine straigth from the bottle like an alcoholic. (Maybe they were a little too dulled because we had a huge storm come in that afternoon while I was drinking and a tree fell on our house and I didn't know it. Obviously it didn't come into the living area but I didn't even hear it.)

Try to enjoy your anniversary and enjoy the time with your husband. You have eachother. And if you need to talk there's always women on here. Even just lurking to know that other people are going through the same emotions as you is very comforting in itself. ::hugs::

TKtravels · July 2012

I feel like I could have written your post.. except that I said to hell with drastically cut back caffiene. And last night, I surprised DH by buying a bottle of wine and drinking my half before dinner was even made. I've never been one to "medicate" with alcohol, but to be honest, it felt really good to have a little time off of constantly thinking about and being sad about the baby we lost.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this on your anniversary. Our 3rd year anniversary is next week, and I'm dreading it because it's just another little reminder of the baby we won't be having. For whatever reason, while still pregnant, I had marked this anniversary as being especially special (and really, I think it would have been) given our first pregnancy.. and yeah, well.. just kidding.

Seriously, if you or any of the other women here were nearby, I would suggest we get together for a good drinking therapy session this weekend.

I also wanted to add that continuing to take your prenatal is actually a good idea. My doc told me to just go ahead and keep taking them, especially if we plan to start TTC as soon as we can.

I hope you and YH have as good of a night tonight as you possibly can, and I hope that you get some time to take care of yourself too.

hellotarra · July 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss and disappointment. I was disappointed too. Just remember, 30 isn't a magic number and you still have a chance for a health pregnancy and baby. Congrats on 3 years with your husband.

Shanpan4 · July 2012

Thanks, ladies.

We went to the melting pot tonight. Man am I full! No wine tonight, but plan to on Friday while watching the Olympic opening! (my sister is a dancer in it!)

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just need to get it off my chest...

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