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September 2012 Moms
mamaHippo23
member
Inter-faith baptism conflict...please help me!!
mamaHippo23
member
Our families are already dropping some heavy hints about our son's baptism and it is making me extremely uncomfortable because we aren't sure how to make a decision about it yet. My boyfriend was raised Catholic and I was raised Lutheran and both our families are pretty devoted to their faiths, and each side seems to be assuming we will be baptizing into their denomination. Neither my boyfriend or I officially belong to a congregation and we aren't even sure we want our baby to be baptized at all. Here are some of my main concerns with the issue:
1) My dad is an ordained Lutheran pastor ( but he doesn't currently have a church) and it would be so much more special and meaningful if he performed the ceremony rather than a stranger. However, I don't think it would be recognized in the Catholic church.
2) I'm not very comfortable with Catholicism and don't really want to raise my son in the Catholic church. But, I don't want to offend or disrespect my boyfriend's family and their beliefs.
3) I do not feel strongly that babies need to baptized and feel that it should wait until they are old enough to understand the concepts of a Higher Power, faith, and spirituality. But I know it doesn't hurt them to be baptized anyway so I'm willing to do it if it means that much to our families.
If any of you have experience or knowledge about handling inter-faith baptisms and/or ceremonies I would love to hear some advice. Any suggestions about how to compromise on this would be greatly appreciated!
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Re: Inter-faith baptism conflict...please help me!!
First, it is your baby and I'm sure this will only be the first of many things that your parents might have strong opinions on and you disagree with or are unsure of. What is important is that you find a solution that works for your BF and you.
FWIW, I was raised in a very Catholic household and will not be baptizing my baby-I'm the black sheep in my family that I am spiritual and not religious. That being said, my mom was baptized as an adult into Catholicisim and my brother and I went through RCIA for first communion and such when we were in late elementary/early middle school. It isn't something that has to be done ASAP (although some Catholics may say so because of sin and such).
Maybe you and your BF can take LO to catholic mass and Lutheran services and let it be his decision when he's older. Maybe like a coming of age thing? Expose him to both and let him decide. I think the faith you want to follow is a very personal decision and he will choose it as an adult regardless of what was done at birth and childhood (take me for example).
this is the biggest reason to me that stood out. it is YOUR baby, so you need to decide what is best for them. I agree with PP, exposing them to both faiths and letting them decide themselves because you dont want to force beliefs on anyone IMO.
i would explain this exact statement to both families, something along the lines of "we dont want to offend anybody, but it is our belief that he/she should decide if/when they want to be baptized and in what religion. we have every intention of exposing him/her to catholicism and lutheranism (sorry if thats not the correct wording) and letting him/her decide the path they want to take."
someone is bound to get their feelings hurt, but they will get over it. my policy is you dont have to like my opinion/actions but i do ask that you respect them. i was baptized methodist when i was 13 now im just non-denominational and everyones ok with that.
I agree with Tags - it's your baby, and I would start setting boundaries now before things really get out of control.
Have you thought of doing a dedication rather than actual baptism? Something that wouldn't be a specific denomination that your father could still perform? I think it's dangerous to choose a side when you and your boyfriend don't have strong ties either way.
Also, I know this varies by what Catholic church you attend, but is your boyfriend's family under the impression that if the baby isn't dedicated, they will not be able to go to heaven?
Emilia Antoinette
10.03.12 at 41w5d
(I'm a September lurker because my twins will be delivered early, so I go back and forth between here and the October board. Hi!)
I'm Catholic and am fresh off my pre-baptism class at our church, so I can answer some of the Catholic-specific questions for you!
The Catholic church will recognize any baptism from a Christian denomination. So if you were to baptize your child in a Lutheran church and then want to send LO to Catholic Sunday school at age 5 or whenever your church starts it, LO will be recognized as being baptized. Just need to show records. Should you want LO to become Catholic later in life, he/she could do RCIA, but wouldn't need to be re-baptized.
Catholicism strongly encourages baptizing babies as soon as possible, because the Church believes that all humans are born with original sin, and should anything tragic happen a person could die with original sin "on their soul," as you will. But there's no rule that you have to get your child baptized within a certain amount of time by any stretch.
My personal opinion is that baptism is a really intimate, joyful celebration with family, and it's a verbal commitment to raise a child in that faith. If baptism isn't important to you, and you'd rather let your LO decide about religion later in life, then I would say honor that feeling and don't proceed with a baptism. Sure, family feelings might be hurt, but what's the point of going through with a ceremony you and/or your BF don't truly believe in or want at this point in life for your child? It would be like getting married just to make your families happy, and not because you actually want to make that deep commitment to each other.
I would suggest doing some light reading about each faith, maybe attending a service for each as PP recommended, and then trying to get a better gauge for how you feel about the idea. It should be a personal decision between you and your boyfriend, even though your families have the best of intentions.
Well...we kind of have this conflict. DH's family is Catholic, mine is mix of Presbyterian and Methodist, and DH and I are Mennonite. Both of our families believe very strongly in baby baptisms, we don't. As you stated, we feel that baptism and salvation is a deliberate, personal choice that is made once an individual understands what it actually is, thus rendering baby baptism unnecessary. What we're doing instead is a baby dedication--we'll dedicate our child to Christ and publicly show our intention to raise her in our faith, but it is with the full knowledge that any baptism/salvation on her part will come if/when she makes that choice when she fully understands it.
For me personally, I think you should have your baby baptized one way or another, and then when he's older, if he chooses to follow another religion, he can. There are a lot of similarities between these two religions, but ultimately, if you're not comfortable with a Catholic baptism, then there's no sense in having it. The whole point of a baptism is to welcome your child into your faith, so if only half of you are on board, then it's not going to be effective. To just do it because your family wants you to is in my opinion, totally stupid and being done for the wrong reasons.
FWIW, my DH and I are different religions and had to go back and forth with this discussion too. It's a tough one to make, so good luck!
Nancy James 9.1.12
Calvin Donald 8.27.14
Since you don't feel strongly about your baby being baptized, I would look into doing a dedication instead.
DH is Catholic and I'm Methodist. We were married by my Methodist minister. DH has not been active in church since he was little and we attend a Methodist church together. So in the end, we baptized DS Methodist. It was difficult for some family to understand. Even my dad, a Methodist, thought the kids should be baptized the father's religion (eye roll).
haha, your situation sounds very similar to us: DH is RC (catholic) and I am Episcopalian. Both families are pretty committed to their faiths. The difference for us is that we absolutely want to get the baby baptized. So, I know we are not the exact same, but I'll share with you a few things I have picked up as the outsider to the Catholic religion:
The Roman Catholic Church recognizes any baptism in the Christian faith. Meaning, they recognize my Methodist baptism from when I was a baby. They will recognize your baby's Lutheran baptism, whatever. The Catholic Church will never require someone get baptized a second time, as once you are baptized in the Christian faith, that is it.
The big difference seems to come in that once a person has had any sacrament in the Catholic Church: baptism, 1st communion, confirmation, etc. then that person is considered RC for life. And, their actions will be considered sinful or not b/c they are Catholic. In fact, I believe it is a sin for Catholics not to raise their children in the Catholic faith (like get them baptized at a different church)--so although they will accept your son's baptism in a Lutheran Church, they will consider your husband as sinning in not having DS baptized in a RC church. Then again, if you guys got married outside the RC church, he already "sinned" on that one, lol.
Well people can have multiple baptisms. Doing it now doesn't prevent the child from being baptized later when it understands what is going on.
As far as having your dad do it- I think this is a great idea. I'm pretty sure you dont need to have your own church to baptize a baby. If he wants to do it, you all could have a great private family ceremony.
As far as having it done in the Catholic church- this requires you or your husband are registered parishoners as well as one of the Godparents being registered in a Catholic church and then you all four stand before God and say you will raise the child in the church. Based on your lack of belief in the Catholic denomination I would not recommend baptizing the child in the Catholic church. Your concern about the baby understanding- Catholics use the rite of Confirmation for what most protestant denominations use the baptism. Confirmation is used when a person is old enough to understand what is going on an they stand before the church and renounce satan and accept God as their savior.
If neither of you are practicing Christians your families shouldn't be expecting you to baptize the child. You would basically be lying before God that you will raise the child in a Christian church.
I'm a devout Catholic and have never heard of the sinning that Muddy is referring to above. The Catholic church doesn't consider being married outside the church a sin, they just do not recognize the vows officially. Technically the sin being committed is premarital intercourse because they would view you as an unwed couple. Baptizing a child in another church isn't a sin either as far as I've heard. I know people that are in interfaith relationships that baptized the baby and had a dedication and neither the priests nor the pastors has a problem with it from what I know.
We had a Catholic marriage and a Protestant one and baptized our DD in both but we also attend both churches.
Sorry my post is so long, but bottom line, you should do what you and your husband want to do because you believe in it and will follow through with the promises you set by doing it.
IMO religious ceremonies should never be had just to satisfy social expectations.