Attachment Parenting
Sinafey
member
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Sharing toys?
Sinafey
member
If another kid tries to approach a toy that DD's playing with (even if it's something big they can both use at once) she completely freaks out, throws herself on the floor and cries. I try to help her calm down, and I explain that when we're playing with someone else's toys we have to share and take turns. Redirecting doesn't work at all anymore.
I'm a SAHM and DD isn't in daycare or any sort of MDO program. We're active in a few moms groups so she does spend a few hours per week around other kids, but they're almost all either significantly older or younger than her, so I feel like this is a symptom of a lack in social skills that other kids her age seem to have.
Beyond getting her into some sort of daycare program, I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what the AP way to handle this would be. She does need to learn to share at some point, and she is pretty good about letting other kids play with her stuff when we have friends over, but when we're at other people's houses it's a huge problem. We've left playdates within a few minutes of arriving twice this week.
Am I expecting too much developmentally? She's pretty smart, I can usually reason with her surprisingly well for her age, but just not with this problem. Any suggestions?
.
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Re: Sharing toys?
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I don't believe in forcing "sharing". If a child is playing with something they should be allowed to continue playing with it. As adults we don't have to give someone our car/computer/phone etc just because they want it. Sharing in the way it's typically done isn't actually a real life skill. Taking turns is a real life skill and waiting for something you want is a real life skill, but being willing to give up something you're using because someone else wants it is not.
When people are at our house I remind my son that we have to let them play with some of the toys or they won't want to stay and play. Other than that I just enforce not taking toys. Possession is the law in my house. If you want a toy you can say, "May I use that when you're done?" and then wait until they're done.
Not sure if that helps but that's how I approach sharing.
Thanks for all of the replies. Sorry, I forgot that I removed my signature - she's 28 months now.
So how do you handle this scenario? We're at someone else's house and DD's found a toy she loves. She plays with it for a few minutes and then a younger kid comes up and tries to play with it by her side. She screams and cries. Or the same scenario, except the other kid walks off with the toy? How does your answer change if the other kid is the toy's owner?
The other parents in my local AP group take the stance that the kids will work it out on their own, but even though DD's older than most of them she doesn't stand up for herself at all, so if I don't step in she'll basically end up being bullied.
I agree with PP that if a child has a toy, then they should be able to keep it until they are done with it, but the second they put it down, it's fair game. I think it's the other parent's responsibility to teach their children to not take toys from another kid's hands. With that said, if the parent doesn't tell their kid not to steal a toy from your DD, then instead of disciplining your daughter for not sharing, then I would start teaching her that she doesn't have to let the other kid steal from her. Teach her to stand up for herself a little bit. I can't stand when parents don't watch their kids and just let them do what they want. You shouldn't have to discipline your kid for something that isn't their fault just because the other parents won't teach their kids not to take toys from peoples hands.
As far as a big toy goes...I'm assuming you mean like a kitchen play set or something of that nature...I would maybe try to show her the ways that it can be fun to play together. Obviously it's a different tune if the other kid is just butting in front of her and trying to take over the toy.
I'd say that it could be the age different (which it could), but I have a friend who's DD is a year older than mine and she does the same thing that you are talking about. I'd maybe try to find a different group to get together with. You can't keep letting your daughter think that it's okay for other kids to take something away from her that she's playing with. Good luck!
Thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed to hear.