Feeling like I am not bonding with my newborn. Anyone relate?

KGF625 · July 2012

Hello! I have posted here a few times, while I don't exactly have two under two, I have two that are two years apart. My son turned 2 on June 25th and my newborn baby boy was born on July 6th. I am feeling like I am not really getting to bond with my my newest edition. I feel like I am doing what I need to do for him obviously, feeding, cleaning, changing, and keeping him happy, but it always feels like I am just going through the motions so that I can tend to my older child. Is this normal? It makes me feel sad to realize that this is what is going on and I want to change it but considering my older son doesn't really nap and is at that age where he needs me, I don't really have the time to sit and stare at my newborn for hours like I did when my first son was a baby. I was just wondering if I am not alone in this feeling and if anyone had any advice for me. Thanks

babyfeb3 · July 2012

I don't post a lot but what you said struck a cord with me and I felt compelled to respond. I have a 17 month old DD and a 7 week old DD. DD1 goes to daycare monday though friday so I have all week to bond with DD2, but I also feel that I haven't connected with her the same way I did with DD1. I love her to death and think she is so sweet and wonderful but I'm not "in awe" of her like I was with DD1. I try to tell myself that it's a normal feeling for moms of 2+. Although I'm enjoying her and trying to savor every minute before I go back to work, I have to admit that I'm looking forward to her being a bit older and more interactive. I can't wait until she can sit and start to "play" with DD1. But I still feel guilty for not feeling the same fascination that I felt with DD1. And for the record, when DD1 is home, DD2 spends a lot of time in the swing while I tend to the needs of her older sister. That's just the way it goes I guess. It sounds like you are doing a great job and I'm sure your new baby boy is getting plenty of nurturing and love from you! Sorry I don't have any advice but just know you are not alone.

kcisthebombdotcom · July 2012

I definitely felt this way. I'm not a fan of the newborn stage in general, so when I had my second I had this fun toddler that was really aware of the world and exploring and this newborn who was pretty much in a carrier attached to my chest all day. It definitely changed with age as my oldest DD became more interactive though and now I feel equally bonded to both my children. Oddly enough, now in retrospect I look back on the pictures of my DD being brand new and miss those times. So weird!

silkyhorse · July 2012

KC_13:
I definitely felt this way. I'm not a fan of the newborn stage in general, so when I had my second I had this fun toddler that was really aware of the world and exploring and this newborn who was pretty much in a carrier attached to my chest all day. It definitely changed with age as my oldest DD became more interactive though and now I feel equally bonded to both my children. Oddly enough, now in retrospect I look back on the pictures of my DD being brand new and miss those times. So weird!

I've felt similarly to the OP. It's good to read this!!!

bellelamb · July 2012

Yes I agree and this is my third son and first time feeling this way, my first two are six years apart. I love the newborn stage I just don't have the same time. Your not alone, no advice except take joy in the smallest moments.

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Feeling like I am not bonding with my newborn. Anyone relate?

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