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December 2012 Moms
A post in which I complain about my MIL...
First of all, thanks for "listening"...I had to tell SOMEONE, and you ladies are the most understanding bunch around!
To preface -- this is going to be the first grandchild for both of our families, and everyone has been very excited about my pregnancy. My DH is an only child, and his mother lives several hours away. Neither of our families live nearby, so I bought picture frames and have been "scrapbooking" ultrasound photos and sending them after each big ultrasound so they can experience this journey with us. When we went to visit my MIL a few weeks ago, I found the frame, along with anything else "Grandma-related" stuffed in a drawer in their guest room. I was pretty upset but left the situation to DH to address. We went for an elective ultrasound while we were visiting so she could see our LO "in real time," and she seemed really moved (crying, saying "Wow" repeatedly) by the experience. I thought that she had changed her tune while we were there.
Unfortunately, I think she may have gone to the other extreme! She called me today to tell me that a friend of hers had come to visit and brought a gift for "our baby." (Mini rant -- when did my baby become ours?! I'm pretty sure she's still able to drink, run, wear whatever clothing she wants, and do whatever she wants while feeling incredible and will NOT be pushing said baby out of a very small opening in a few months...) She went on to describe a beautiful, handmade baby blanket that would match our nursery perfectly! She then told me that SHE would be keeping the blanket at HER HOUSE (8 hrs away!) because it "is special to her" and that our LO can use it "when she plays on the floor at [her] house."
Am I out of line for being upset that she has decided to keep something that was made for my baby? My daughter might get to use it once or twice her first year. As I said before, this is our first baby, so we are starting from nothing...selfishly, I can't help but think about how much we need/would use that here!
Thanks, in advance, for the dose of perspective, ladies!
Labor buddy to jvdavisbaby!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A post in which I complain about my MIL...
MILs are their own special kind of crazy...That being said, I would jsut let this one go. My MIL refers to DD as 'my baby' all the time. It used to bother me and I have finally gotten over it. Your DD will know whose baby she is and a handmade baby blanket is a gift that you may or may not use much. I recieved several and I never used them because I didn't want them to get messed up.
Hugs to you- I know it's frustrating.
I do think it's kind of inappropriate for her to hold on to a gift that was give to your baby... however it's probably not worth getting worked up about. You'll get lots of other blankets from your shower, etc! Of course, if you really DO need it that bad, I don't think there would be anything wrong with mentioning that you like it, you could really use another blanket and that it would match the nursery - maybe try to swap it for one less important to you?
MILs can be really frustrating in general, not to mention with first grandkids. But the best advice I can give is to not let it get to you, and do what makes YOU happy and what is best for your family (you, SO and LO).
I think you're being silly. The blanket was given to her... from her friend. It's hers to use for her grandchild. And clearly, it is special to her... let her have it.
Another thought: my parents wouldn't know WTF to do with framed ultrasound pictures. Honestly, I don't even know what I would do with them. I mean, I enjoy looking at the photos we get from the doctor - but in the grand scheme of things, they are strange and in few months there will be an actual baby to photograph and have pictures displayed of. It would probably creep me out if MIL had ultra sounds displayed in her home of my uterus.
As much as I love to board the "MILs are evil" train, this isn't so bad. The gift was given to her from her friend. Do you even know this person? Maybe the friend intended for your MIL to keep it... If I wasgiving a gift to someone, I would give it directly to the person or at least let the person know. Did you get a phone call from this person saying "I made this for you but your mil has it since I dont know when I'll see you, so make sure you get it from her"? Or something along those lines? I not, I'd say it's fair game for mil to keep it.
My mil has a bunch of toys and things at her house and DD is not there to use them real often, but I don't say anything. She went out and bought them so of she wants to keep them and have them never be used, who am I to stop her?
Missed Miscarriage discovered at 9w6d
D&E 10.27.2011
I'll love you forever Baby Speck
I think that it's grandmothers in general -- My mom is getting crazy too. When I first told her, she kept saying stuff like, "Well, since you've decided to have baby..." and it really hurt (munchkin was unplanned, but not unwanted). I finally did say something about it, and she's gone to the other extreme -- She dug out the crib and baby blanket from my childhood and is insisting that I use them for the nursery and keeps saying stuff like "This is way cuter than what you picked out." (We're not using either since the crib isn't safe and the quilt is 70s fabulous.) She also keeps telling me stuff like how it's so important that grandparents be involved in children's lives, and that it's not okay if our child spends more time with my dad and stepmom (who are my "parents" collectively) than her.
So, you definitely have my sympathy. That being said, I'd pick your battles. If those things are important to you, you could easily say something like, "We noticed that you had put the things we sent you in the guest room -- Would you rather that we not send you more things like that?" or if you're really in need of the blanket, you could say "We know that it's special to you, but we'd like it to be baby's special blanket too and are worried that if she only uses it once or twice a year at your house that it won't be." She might give in. If not, I'd let it go... No use getting her all ticked off over stuff that you don't care a whooooole lot about. I'm saving those type of fights for after Munchkin arrives and she doesn't like my parenting. :-P
I don't think you're overreacting, but I do think you need to choose your battles. Sure, it's probably something you'd use at your house anyway, but you can always find another blanket that goes with the nursery. She's just excited.
We're sort of in the same situation. my mom says "our baby" all.the.time. Also, MIL informed me this past weekend that they are making a full blown nursery in their house. Like, painting, picking bedding, etc. She also said she's having a bunch of monogrammed stuff made. First off, we don't even know what we're having yet. And secondly, we're not sharing the name until after the birth...so ok? I think she thinks overnight visits are going to happen like, right away.
It bothers me a little, yes, but I try to let it go.
I agree- the gift was from HER friend, so I would let her keep it. Maybe her friend even wanted her to have it, you know? My mom invited a bunch of her friends to my baby shower and her friends gave my mom gifts for the baby to use at her house. Ha. I thought it was kind of weird, but I'm really close to my mom and go over there 2-4x's a week (so it has ended up being helpful!). She has toys, a sippy cup, a high chair, etc.
However, we are not really close to my ILs. They are nice people, but we generally just don't get along and have completely opposite views on raising children, being a family, etc. They live 5 hours away so we only go visit them 3x's a year (we will probably go even less than that now that we will have two small children in cribs). Anyway, MIL has a TON of baby stuff at her house. I don't really know why, since we aren't there a lot, but she does. She even has more than my own mom (who lives 7 miles away). She has a crib, highchair, pack n play, bedding set, 2 sippy cups, baby plates/spoons, toys, one of those roller seats, etc. It doesn't bother me at all, since she is doing it because she loves LO.
However, stuff that we could bring home with us and have LO use (such as toys that LO really liked or sippy cups, etc), then I think it's really really weird that she doesn't offer to let us take them. Before LO was born, MIL and FIL made some immature comment about how they were planning on having "lots of really fun toys" to keep at their house that "LO can't take home" so that we "visit all the time." Um..... First of all, grow up. Are you actually suggesting BRIBING my kids or my husband into coming to visit more often over toys? Grow up. 2nd of all, toys or no toys, that doesn't change the fact that they live 5 hours away and we will soon have 2 babies. Um... No. We will not be visiting more. It is not vacation to travel with screaming kids in the backseat and babies who have trouble sleeping bc they aren't in their own room. Not fun!! Maybe when they are older, but under 5 years old, heck no.
Good luck. I'd let this one slide and honestly wouldn't worry about the ultrasounds. I've given my ILs tons of professional pics of LO and they have never displayed them. Oh well. I would honestly stop including her so much though. She seems like a meddler and needs to realize to back off a little.
This!!
My MIL lives 5 states away so i don't deal with her often but when she does come out OMG all hell breaks loose in the Davis house lol If its just one blanket I would just let it go, its not worth the stress and frustration
I do think its odd that she is calling LO "our baby" like you said she didnt help create it and she isn't pushing it out of her hoohaa 
Dont let it bother you too much labor buddy!!!
Thanks ladies! Though I am sad that my LO will not get to use the beautiful blanket made for her, it's not a hill I am willing to die on. That's why I turned to you instead of making an issue about it with her. :-)
I think you all were right in suggesting I stop including her so much. At the end of the day, it is the thought that counts, and it's exciting to think that people care so much about my little girl that they would spend the time and money to make such a beautiful gift.
Both sets of grandparents have started saying MY baby.
They just need to add in "grand" before baby and it's totally fine. But they will ask me how's my baby doing. I've started to answer with how my husband and I are doing, since WE are their babies. ahahah
Ugh. MIL's... they ARE their own special breed. And mine drives me absolutely CRAZY. She recently decided that in order for me to be a good mom, she has to test my baby animal knowledge by asking me "what is a baby ___ called" and so on and so forth. /sigh.
Yours sounds just peachy!! Of course it's weird and selfish of her to keep it at her house. I can TOTALLY see where you're coming from, and thats just plain weird and rude. That being said, I would HIGHLY recommend you deciding just how important it is to you to have that blanket at your house before you do anything. Picking your battles at this stage in the game is really important. I had the stance of "I won't let her get away with anything" and it ended up just making it REALLY stressful for me.
If you're worried about a lack of blankets, then worry not! For some reason, blankets seem to be the number one gift received at baby showers, and you will most likely get a ton of them.
Haha what I find most questionable is that she told you it matches your nursery....why bother even saying that if it's never going to BE IN the nursery.
I hope she doesn't do this with a lot of things. Hopefully it was just this one. But if people keep dropping things off for THE MOMMY of the baby at her house you'll have to start asking for them lol.
DD#1 December '12
DD#2 New Year's Baby '15
Married 07/09