June 2011 Moms

Evening Visitors....

So I have a vent, my FIL likes to stop by on his way home from work once  a week-ish. It doesn't sound so bad, in fact its great that he wants to stop by, but its always during dinner or some other disruptive time. (Both DH and I work, and he is a full-time student), so after picking up DS from daycare we have all we can do to get dinner going, eat, bath, and bed. FIL doesn't want to join us, just rile up DS, and then go. I feel bad that I'm annoyed, its good that he wants to stop by, but I feel like it really just makes the evening unpleasant when we have to drop all that we are doing, entertain him for 30 minutes (and he's busy pushing the limit on what he can do with DS, it sounds bad, but its this constant watching me to push things just far enough to make me say "please stop". Its like he wants me to say "no", it drives me bonkers.

Ugh, I feel so torn. Its great that he is interested and can stop by, but I'm so tired after a long day at work that I don't want to babysit my FIL and have to spend the rest of the night getting DS back on track. I feel bad that I'm annoyed by it.

It is the week before finals for DH, I feel like every day for the past two weeks we've had the "can I stop by tonight", we say sure, just let us know when you're on the way, and then he gets busy and doesn't bother or its too late or whatever. We just got the text again, asking if tonight is good. I just want to go home and relax, blarg!

</end vent>

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Re: Evening Visitors....

  • That is difficult. Evenings are so hectic.

    Its okay to say no sometimes if it really doesn't work for you (like when YH is busy studying). Can you think of any way to alleviate the added stress? Like have FIL bring something for dinner or have him give DS a bath? That way he can have time with DS and give you a bit of a break. Or if you really trust FIL, maybe you could set up an arrangement where once a week he picks DS up from DC, feeds him, plays with him, then brings him home 30m before bedtime. 

    Just throwing ideas out there. I hate making plans last minute and would much prefer to have a set routine for this sort of thing... 

  • Would inviting him for a standing date on Fridays be good for you? I'm thinking it's the end of the week, so no worrying about getting ready for the next work day. You could even invite MIL (if appropriate) over too and order pizza or something, make a fun little family tradition. Hopefully FIL would get his fill for the week and not come by other times, you could even specify that.
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  • I think the idea of a consistent night is a great idea. That way your plans are more consistent. Otherwise I would probably let it go. Think about the great relationship your FIL is cultivating with your DS. If there are specific concerns about the safety of how they play, I would have DH bring it up with FIL. Good luck!

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  • imagesmurf605:
    I think the idea of a consistent night is a great idea. That way your plans are more consistent. Otherwise I would probably let it go. Think about the great relationship your FIL is cultivating with your DS. If there are specific concerns about the safety of how they play, I would have DH bring it up with FIL. Good luck!

     This. And I also agree with a pp who said it is okay to say no sometimes.  I understand your frustration, but what a special tradition it could be to have a grandparent come visit each week.  I only wish I still had my Nana and Papa and really wish my own mom and dad would be more of a presence for my DD. It is an important relationship. Set a standing date, have him bring food and/or put that guy to work! :-)

  • Thanks everyone. Genereally he does just do Friday nights (it used to be Thursday or Friday, depending on the week, but DH has school on Thursday nights and its now out of the question, since I'm on my own for everything that night). If he doesn't do Friday, then he tries for the weekend, but the past few weeks have been really crazy, so he was at the point of, I want to see you and its been to long.

    Yeah, it is great that he wants to stop by, and it is special. Unfortunatly he stops by anywhere from 5 to 8, depending on work, so its just hard to predict and make part of a routine. We've invited him for dinner, tried to make something set or easier, but with the MIL drama or whatever else going on, he has to be careful of how much he does with us. We have major MIL issues, she isn't even allowed in our home due to her actions, so making it a family thing is out of the question. I am thankful that he does have this much interest in his grandson, and does make the effort. We do say no when needed, but sometimes we say yes (like last night) because its been a while and we know that it is important that he is interested, even though it isn't a great night for us.

    Its hard, I'm just trying to find that balance. Things with DH's parents are interesting, so its good that his dad is involved and making the effort. Its just so hard when it is awkward when he is here, and when I end up with a rough evening because our entire schedule got thrown off and we're forced to eat dinner an hour after we really should have.

    Thanks everyone, I just needed a vent.

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