Court-Ordered Visitation
princesa2423
member
So I'm looking for an opinion on an issue of court ordered visitation that came up.
My STBXH was just given supervised visitation pending a psychiatric eval. It states visits at my home from 4:30-6:30 two evenings a week, and 12-5 on Saturdays. The order states that I will drop off and pick up my DD at my sister in law's (who lives in another state) on Saturdays, only interrupting parenting time to feed (I exclusively BF and she REFUSES to take a bottle). In court I asked the judge if the Saturday visits can take place at my home as well, and he said yes. However, the judge failed to put that in the court order. So this weekend, when I told STBXH I don't have the funds to travel to his sister's house, and he can see her at my home this weekend, he refused and complained heartily that the court order states I have to drop her off and pick her up from his sister's and insisted I bring her to his sister's. So now I have to file a motion to make sure its put in the court order. In the meantime, do you think the judge will view this really negatively? Its not like I denied visitation, I just couldn't travel because of lack of funds (I am currently not working and live with my mother).
Interestingly enough, when he was over an hour late for his first visitation, although we couldn't make up all the time for him because the visitation supervisor (not me) could not stay that long, but we gave him an extra half hour.
The judge seemed annoyed that we couldn't work things out without a court order, but I try sooo hard to be flexible, but no matter what I do, he just WON'T work with me. We have our 2nd mediation this week, and I just don't feel hopeful. (sigh) Any and all advice and thoughts are welcome. TIA
Re: Court-Ordered Visitation
If it is not written in the CO you could be looked at negatively. Did the discussion take place on the phone or through text or email? It will still be a mark against you but if you can show through text or email the reasoning (money) and that you were not cancelling the visit just moving the place, then it might not be so bad. You mentioned he has a 3rd party supervisor. Does he pay for that? The supervisor may not agree to switch sites. Also, when you say out of state, that could mean a five minute car ride or several hour car ride depending on where you live, so any sympathy regarding distance will be given once clarified. Are the weekday visits at your house? Could you ask your mother for the gas money?
I think you should definitely try your hardest to get to the SIL's house so you have no negative points against you.
Ditto everything PP said. If he's refusing to work with you, that will rapidly become apparent and the court will see through it.
You can also create a parenting plan and give it to your STBXH. If he refuses to consider or look over it, tell the judge. Here, they'll go over your plan, evaluate it for fairness, ask why the other party is against it, and then usually sign it into place. Make SURE it's fair.
The visitation supervisors are a good friend of mine, and my SIL, both mentioned by name in the court order. If neither can do it on a particular day for whatever reason, STBXH and I agree on someone else, so far another one of my friends. The SIL lives about 2 hours away. Me and STBXH live in the same state, within 15-20 min of each other, so I would think the change would've been welcome, but I see not. I have no vehicle of my own (STBXH totaled it while I was pregnant and got himself a shiny new one), so I have to rely on a friend to get me to SIL, or if my mother doesn't mind me using her car, just as long as I pay for the gas, which of course, is only fair. Unfortunately, asking my mother for money is not an option as she's struggling financially as well, I am looking for work as well so I don't have to rely on welfare, but no luck yet
The economy sucks, and he complains about court-ordered child support amount, so I have received none of that as of yet.
The discussion about the changed place of visit took place via e-mail. We don't speak unless there is someone else present, or unless through e-mail and text, which was suggested by mediator to STBXH when he complained I won't talk to him on the phone. I just feel more comfortable with a written record.
I am going to try my hardest to get to SIL's home on Saturdays, at least until I can get CO changed. This past Saturday was just impossible, you can't bleed a rock, and its a $12 toll now getting into the next state (sigh). Also, side q, do you think 5 hours is a long time for DD, who's just starting to get to know her father, who hasn't really been there, even before we separated? I dunno, I just think 5 hours is excessive. Of course, ya never think of these things while IN court, only afterwards when reality hits (sigh). Can't wait for all of this court stuff to be over . . .
What I'm confused about (correct me if I'm reading this wrong) is you state that the visits are at YOUR house, but you have to drive to SIL's to drop DD off, and then he goes/he will go to your house for the time period stated?
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Having to drive 2 hours to do visitation on Sat seems stupid. Not sure why a judge would expect you to drive that far when you and guys only live 20 mins apart!
Hope you figure it all out soon!