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Stay at Home Moms
I call MUD on the "really need advice post"
I just clicked on her history. I actually felt sorry for her, until I saw that back in January of this yr she posted this:
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/62241712.aspx
a yr after she claims her boyfriend went off the rails on pills. Why would a person be actively trying to conceive with a person like that when you are surviving off of welfare just so you can experience a "natural birth after two c-sections"?
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Re: I call MUD on the "really need advice post"
lol...that post looks like MUD too, doesn't it?
I remember her from AWHILE back, and I remember thinking that she liked playing the victim at that time.
Wow... it's a fun story she's made up for herself.
Why do people do that? Why don't people pretend to be former-CEOs or wealthy SAHMs? Why do they always choose the opposite end of the spectrum?
Probably for the pity factor. If you're on here posting how much money you have banked from your former lucrative career, no one is going to feel bad for you. It's kind of the same thing I guess as Munchausen Syndrome, where you get people to feel bad for you by faking illness, injury etc.
Oh, I have no doubt there are quite a few women on TB who make themselves seem WAY more with it online than in real life. Myself included... pfft my kid never runs around throwing dog food in just a diaper so I can have 30 seconds to drink my coffee.
It's just way less entertaining. Who wants to be all, "Ugh, how dare you make choices that are so... reasonable..."
LOL.
I think this is likely. Especially after hearing she was TTC. I bet she was trying to create a perfect family and "cure" the pill addiction. Or MUD.....
You mean throwing dog food all over the house doesn't happen daily at all houses with dogs?
That activity keeps both DD1 and the dogs entertained for an hour easily!
I see you have a cute little abbreviation for women who allegedly make up stories or play 'the poor card' to get pity from you all. Tell me, what's the abbreviation they use for the posters on here who only give snarky remarks & look for posts to criticize & be overly judgemental on? I'm super curious as to what that abbreviation would be.
Show of hands, please, for any of you that have actually had to go through anything rough during raising your child(ren) or had to battle with any of the issues I had/have to? Hmm.. and let's see a show of hands for those of you who are living financially comfortable with husbands or fiancees who foot the bills for everything from your house to your pedicured toes? Ah, that's what I thought.
You see, no.. I don't need or want pity, I wanted advice. Advice and criticism are not the same things. I welcome constructive criticism, and obviously putting up any post that shows I've made poor decisions is opening me up to getting such, but I think when someone is asking for SUPPORT -- those of you that are out to be bitchy and clicky with your fellow gold status posters on here, should avoid commenting on such posts because one way or another, no matter what poor decisions I have made, I am still a mother like any of you, and am pregnant with an innocent child who I am looking for advice on what to do the right thing for.
I tried making things work with my kids' father, no not by getting pregnant, I got pregnant because I wanted a family, and even though he is an irresponsible person at times, he wasn't always, and was in the past an amazing father. Any of you that had gone through what I had, would probably not be so quick to give up your kids' father, you'd probably try making it work, especially if you thought there were any hope.
I don't know what MUD means but I can assure you, I'm not some stupid girl. I am a good mother to my kids, I do all I can for them, and I'll do the same for a third child, regardless of the circumstances he or she is born under.
My apologies for coming on to a public messaging board designed for support for mothers and asking for support. *GASP* Oh the audacity of me! Shucks, I guess I misread what this whole site was about!
Take care now, and run along to your perfect lives.
Must be perfect if you can judge me so much.
Hmmmm, again, wondering what you wanted us to say. We can't tell you what to do in your situation. You need to figure that out for yourself. When you say you came here for support, what did you have in mind? I'm asking a serious question here.....
Does, "I'm sorry you are going through this" really equal support? Not sure how that is going to help you, but that seems to be what you are fishing for....
I had to go through plenty of roughness while trying to get pregnant with my daughter. It took us 2 years of fertility treatments to get pregnant, I lost my job twice during that same time, and both MIL and step-MIL were very very ill while I was pregnant, and then my Mom moved to the other side of the world when I was 5 months pregnant. This was also during a terrible economy, so even though we had always planned on me being a SAHM, I went back to work when my daughter was 10 weeks old, because we needed the money. Then, even though I wanted my kids to be close together, I went back on birth control for 2.5 more years, until we could financially provide for another baby.
But, you're right...I don't loser drug addicts, so, no, I didn't experience YOUR problems. I also don't "know your lyfe".
You want some advice? Give your kid up for adoption, get a job (I'm sure you qualify for free daycare because of your financial status), figure out how to properly take birth control, and stop dating loser guys. It's really not that difficult.
I was not 'fishing for' anything. Why are you women so rude? Why be on a site like this? I could never be that rude to anyone.
Maybe that's because I know better than to think I am better than anyone else. And in that case I'm thankful for my hardships.
I guess I was 'fishing for' people to just give suggestions. Of course nobody can tell ANYONE what to do in ANY situation -- they can just give advice. But to create a whole new thread talking trash on a fellow mother on here just reaching out for some suggestions & support is downright rude. Unless you're better than someone else, you don't belong passing judgement.
And I don't spell life that way, I'm not a moron.
I'm not giving up a child for adoption.
Is there an abbreviation for the see you next Tuesday bomb? SYNT? There, now I gave you a little abbreviation. Cute isn't it?
My advice is...pick a better partner in life. Don't go around sleeping with stupid people who choose drugs over you and their children. Go to school, get a job, take some birth control, STOP HAVING CHILDREN you can't afford.
I beg to differ.
And the word you are looking for is C-U-N-T. You're welcome.
I don't think I'm better than you...I am sure I am. I've made much better choices in life and while my life is not perfect, I can promise you I know where my child's next meal is coming from, I know where my husband is {at work like a normal adult, btw} and I can trust him to ALWAYS put my daughter ahead of any of his wants or needs. That's what a parent does and that's why he is my partner.
Look, support is not about telling you what you want to hear just like good parenting is not about giving your kids exactly what they want all the time. I truly am sorry for the heartache in your life.
Not ONE person implied you are a bad mother. You've made some poor choices that led to some of your issues, and I have no doubts that you may have just been dealt a rough hand independent of your choices. No, I've never faced what you have- partly because I've made good choices and partly due to plain good luck.
BUT your past does not matter anymore. You CAN chose to make the best of your situation, and pps have given you good advice on how to do so. Stop making yourself a victim of your bad choices and do what you need to do to straighten out your life. Get a job. Stop dating and procreating with losers (hint: if you have to convince everyone that really, he used to be a good dad and you know he can be again if just ____," consider him a loser until he PROVES otherwise.) Reconcile with your family because you NEED a support system.
The world is not out to get you, but it will also not hand you anything just for existing. Make the life you want happen.
Seriously...how old are you really?
I'd love to take the time to respond to this, but I have to go spend my hubby's paycheck on my weekly mani/pedi now.
Well, I sure have made damn better decisions than you.
Again, you never answered my question. What sort of support are you looking for?
And FYI (that's "for your information" since you aren't too sure of your acronyms), this is not a support group. It is a public message forum.
Okay, first of all, a lot of people offered you advice. Have you looked on at past posts on this board? Lots of bumpies ask for advice and support on a variety of issues. Alcoholic parents/IL's, crazy relatives, pregnancy issues, problems TTC, are just a few. EVERYBODY has issues. Nobody is judging you because you have problems.
Secondly, Coco said "A yr after she claims her boyfriend went off the rails on pills. Why would a person be actively trying to conceive with a person like that when you are surviving off of welfare just so you can experience a "natural birth after two c-sections?"
The likely hood of experiencing natural birth after 2 C-sections is slim, and is no reason to start TTC. I think her point is, you knew your boyfriend had a pill problem and you were still trying to have a baby with him. This is irresponsible. Your posts seems like, since you knew about the pill problem and were still trying to conceive, made up drama. A post to get attention and comments. It appears from your response, you don't want support or advice, but rather someone to tell you that you didn't do anything wrong. Your family and close friends are clearly not doing this so you turned to a public forum. You are disappointed here as well. I am sure if you post your story on any other forum or talk to other people they will all respond the same. You need to get your act together. You are a parent and you are not making choices that are beneficial to your children.
Assuming that we're just a bunch of pampered housewives who live off of our husbands is a lot more presumptuous, judgmental and really, insulting than anything directed towards you thus far. Being financially comfortable is not something that we should be ashamed of, it's responsible. I waited to have sex until I was married. I knew that having sex usually leads to having kids. I didn't want to raise kids with no money, no sense of security and no father. My husband has a good job and we are by no means lavishly living. We rent, we drive older cars and we budget our money. We know where our money is going and how much we have at all times. I keep our house clean, plan meals take care of the baby, run errands, balance the check book etc. So, if I want to get a monthly pedicure with my girlfriends I can do so without guilt.
If I had two kids, another on the way, no job, and was living off of the government, (actually not living off of the government, living off of the rest of the working people in America) I would not be torn up about getting a job. I have worked since I was 13. I baby sat every summer, I collected call cards at our schools monthly bingo fundraisers, I worked a restaurant waiting tables and I worked at a grocery store. I've worked with and am friends with a lot of single moms. They put their kids in daycare and work 40weeks to provide for them. Some of them have food stamps and housing assistance but at least they are doing something. You need to get a job. You need to get your boyfriend or ex boyfriend or whatever to pay child support. These are things that you should be doing. If you really want a job, you can get a job.
The thing is, whether you admit it or not, you did make mistakes. Everyone is saying that you need to own up to your mistakes. You posted that you are pregnant. You slept with a guy you were dating while not on birth control.You don't know who that father is. You slept with your kid's dad even though he took all of your tax money and is a drug addict. These things are not responsible.
You don't have to apologize for posting your issue on a message board but you probably should apologize for THIS post.
This. Well said, Honky Tonk.
Sigh.
You're not going to get it. You are not a victim here, but you keep pulling this woe is me card. You have gotten good advice, it's honest advice tho and bc of that you're taking it like people are being mean to you. I'd bet my last dollar that this is why your family is estranged from you too. They've probably tried to reason with you and gotten sick of you not listening and continuing to make horrible choices.
Until you grow up, focus more on the kids you have instead of getting your swerve on with your baby daddy, things are only going to get worse for you.
I probably could have just said this paragraph instead of my essay of a post. BTW KateMW Every time I see your signature picture of your daughter with that coffee cup I really want coffee. I actually made coffee this morning because of it.
The thing is, you're posting on a public forum. I get that you feel offended because of what people said. I've been offended before too, but once again, this is a public forum. Expect people to be blunt and even snarky sometimes. You asked for advice and this is what they gave you. Realize that anything you post is subject to the opinion of another. Freaking out about it and attacking other stay at home mom's who may or may not get pedicures is not the answer.
Okay you want straight advice here it is.
1. Give this baby a chance at a normal life and give it up for adoption.
2. Close your legs and keep them that way forever! You don't need more kids.
3. Get a job!
4. Stop playing the victim, your kids are the victims not you!
5. Get off the bump and clean up your life.
There is your advice that you asked for.
Here is my advice for you... Get a job you bum and keep your tuna shut. How was that? I feel sorry for your kids.