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March 2013 Moms
katieknitsny
member
What is WRONG with people?
katieknitsny
member
Hi everyone. I haven't been around lately because I had a scheduled road trip to Vermont with some friends. Well, it totally turned into a trip from hell and I really just have to vent to someone who will understand!
First of all, I had an ultrasound last week. There was a nice little yolk sack and the Dr. said everything looked great. She called the next day and confirmed that my hormone levels were right on track and that I should come back again (on this coming Thursday) to hear the heartbeat. She also confirmed that I'm not as far along as the internet says due to my late ovulation, which is fine.
So my friend M and her friend S and I left on Thursday for VT. I have told both of them about being preg since it could affect things on our trip. M is trying to get preg and I have sensed hostility from her since I told her.
On Saturday, M and S decided we should go on a hike. Now, I love a good hike! I let them know that I would probably not be as fast as usual and would need to take it easy a bit (I've been getting light headed recently).
What I did NOT know was that they chose for us to climb a freaking mountain.
They took off and left me with no water, facing a 2,000+ foot altitude gain over on mile. Early on in the hike I let them know I was not doing great and that I was feeling dizzy. They could see my face was purple (which happens when I over exert) and I was sweating profusely (which is not typical for me).
They just left me, saying I needed to "buck up." That exercise is good for me (which it is - I LIKE exercise, but not this!) They would occasionally wait far up ahead until they could see me in the distance, but they never let me catch up to them. The trail split and I didn't know which way they went. They didn't answer their phones. The trail turned into a rock scramble, literally using your hands to climb over boulders.
At some point I vomited a few time (I haven't had any MS, so it was from exertion). My heart was racing like crazy. Every muscle hurt and I started cramping. But I didn't know what to do - they had all of our supplies. I kept slowly climbing.
When I reached the top of the mountain, they were like "finally!" then said we were going to sit on this big sunny rock to eat. I told them there was no way I was going to sit in the sun and swelter and I headed back into the woods and sat on a nice, shady log to drink the water I took back from them.
I couldn't eat the lunch we brought, so they went ahead and ate my share.
When we finally got down off the mountain, I was bleeding. It was bright red, but there wasn't too much of it. I took the world's quickest shower and climbed into bed for 15 hours.
They didn't do anything to comfort me or help me, even when I told them I was bleeding. They said they were going out to a vegan place for dinner and could bring me back something from there. They didn't offer me any other food, or ask if I wanted to go (I hadn't eaten since morning, and I'd vomited up much of that).
So I didn't eat dinner either. I drank water and lay in bed crying. The red blood spotting turned to a small amount of brown spotting. Now, 3 days later, I still have a tiny amount of brown spotting.
I have a midwife appt tomorrow. I haven't gone for an emergency u/s or anything since there really isn't anything they can do either way. I'm still bloated. I feel like my cervix aches (if that makes any since) but I'm not cramping.
Google has told me that exercise can't really cause a m/c unless something was already wrong. So I have kept my panic in check the best I can. I told my SO about the fiasco when I got back (I didn't want to tell him long-distance, he would just worry). He's so angry at her, and at me for not turning back.
I hope everything is okay. I haven't told my friend how angry I am at her yet. I really never want to speak to her again honestly - but we've been friends for 23 years. I don't understand how she could be so insensitive. Is she trying to sabotage me?
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Katie
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Re: What is WRONG with people?
Katie,
That sounds awful! I'm so sorry your "friends" treated you that way. Obviously, they have never been pregnant and couldn't understand how you're feeling. I hope you have some other positivie friends you can surroud yourself with now.
As far as the bleeding goes, I hope everything goes well with your appointment. Sending thoughts and prayers your way!
Make a pregnancy ticker
That's horrifying. I don't know what your friendship was like before, but that was a terrible chain of events. I would likely never talk to her again.
T&Ps for you and baby!!
Thanks for your support everyone. I am undecied whether I should even confront her or just cut contact. It kind of feels like a nightmare still.
Lioness 13: Thanks for the guilt trip! Where was I supposed to go? I was out in the woods of Vermont with no food or water. They had everything. I considered just sitting down on the trail, but I know them - they would have waited for me at the top for hours before coming back. That would have left me sitting with no food or water in the middle of nowhere for perhaps 5 hours. How would that be good for me?
*** aka: andreahshields ***
*** July Siggy Challenge - Cake Wrecks ***
BFP#1 3/8/12; diagnosed w/ Anencephaly at 12w6d; D&C 5/9/12
BFP#2 7/18/12; A/S 10/26/12 It's a Girl! EDD 3/29/13
Phoebe Jordan Born 3/20/13
This, exactly.
I am sorry your friends were not very conscientious, and they were completely out of line. On the other hand, you have a duty to keep yourself as healthy as possible for your baby's sake. I myself am a hiker, and I've stopped for now because the heat and humidity in New England the past few weeks have been too dangerous for hiking pregnant women. Too much risk of exhaustion and dehydration. Hiking and exercise might not cause miscarriage, but dehydration can. Please take care of yourself, Katie! You can find better friends who will be more supportive. Your baby is #1 now.
I highly doubt she meant to make you feel bad. She's just saying what she would have done.
How is throwing up several times and over exerting yourself any better? It's better to stay in the shade and relax, even for several hours, instead of over exerting yourself in the sun and pushing yourself harder than you should.
I am also not trying to make you feel bad. Your friends are straight up a$$holes and you should totally just cut contact with them, but don't blame it all on them. You did have a choice on how to handle the situation.
I've had a mc before so I know how you may be feeling. Mine was unknown but I was moving stuff, cleaning cat litter, and had 2 wedding related events where I drank a bunch before my BFP. I know personally I am being super cautious this time. I've been cleaning up the house and have had to not move some of the rubbermaid boxes full of office supplies because I don't want to be doing heavy lifting. If it means half the stuff doesn't get moved and DH has to do it, it's what I have to do. DH would rather that than another mc any day.
Again...not trying to make you feel bad. I've been there, I know how scary it is. I hope all is fine and my T&P's are with you and your LO.
BFP - 7/16/12 ----- EDD 3/27/13 ----- Born 4/5/13
BFP - 5/27/14 ----- EDD 1/31/14 or 2/4/15
My Ovulation Chart
oh my god, my jaw was just dropped the entire time I was reading this. I can't believe they did that to you! That is pretty much the most insensitive thing I've ever heard, I'm sorry but that person is NOT a friend. I hope you feel better!
This!! I wouldn't be reaching out to them either. Good Luck to you
This!
Plus, I've been in the shoes of "jealousy" before. Some friends and us all started trying around the same time. Their second is due in October. So yeah, I know the jealousy part, but I would NEVER act like that towards my friends, period. So don't chalk it up to "oh she's just jealous". Jealous does not equal cruel.
BFP 4/18/12, M/C 4/27/12 at 6w6d
BFP 7/1/12 - Counting down to our little girl, EDD 3/8/13
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. And I totally understand the confusion, and the acts of grasping for the right thing to do in that situation. With a 1st pregnancy (as I believe this is for you, right? - me too), EVERYTHING is new and different and we are constantly second guessing ourselves. "Exercise is GOOD for us, right? Right!" Oh wait, "Don't overexert myself and get dehydrated!" ARGH!
In retrospect you might make a different choice next time, but it's completely understandable why you kept moving this time, left all alone with no food or water, and the strong possibility that no one would come back for you.
These are the times when we hope to be able to rely on our friends for support, comfort, and maybe a little bit of reasoning. Ideally we should NOT have to deal with their inappropriate and inconsiderate behavior.
Good luck with your appointment, I'll be thinking about you!
Married to my amazing wife 6/12/10
TTC since 6/11
Unmedicated IUI #1 - 6/28/11 - BFN
Unmedicated IUI #2 - 7/25/11 - BFN
Robotic Myomectomy (Fibroid Surgery) - 11/15/11
Unmedicated IUI #3 - 4/24/12 - BFN
Progesterone Supported Leuteal Phase IUI #4 - 6/21/12 - BFP!!
Baby Boy G Born 3/24/13
On to #2, are we crazy?
IUI #1 - 11/28/14 - BFP! Beta #1 (11DPO) 34, Beta #2 (13DPO) 101, Beta #3 (20DPO) 3043
Ultrasound at 6w4d shows a single, fluttering heartbeat. Say hello to Sticky Ricki!
Wow! They are not your friends! Friends do not act like they did. I would cut ties and never speak to them again. If they call you, then you could tell them why....but do not contact them. They showed their true colors. Pregnant or not, friends don't leave people alone in the wilderness!
Take care of yourself and LO now - ask your doctor what your limits are as far as exercise, lifting, etc.
BFP #2 - 7/1/12 - Met my lucky charm Alexandra on 3-16-13!!!
Not only do I feel absolutely horrible for your experience, Katie; I also feel downright sick about people here trying to tell you that you should have done something different. I am so sorry that you're going through this.
The bottom line is this: Nobody has the right to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Your "friends" (and no, I wouldn't be contacting them. Let them contact you should they so choose to. You can decide at that point whether or not you care to respond) were out of line telling you that you should buck up and keep going. They were COMPLETELY out of line not leaving you with food and water! I went to one of those crazy private schools for high school where you hike for days in the middle of the desert & blah blah blah character building. We NEVER left anyone without plenty of water and at least some small measure of food. It's inhumane - which is really something because most of the stuff we did out in the wilderness was considerably horrible. I hope knowing this helps you to see that it doesn't really matter whether your friend was intentionally trying to sabotage you or if she was merely showing a lack of consideration... either way, it's not okay.
What is okay is for you to value yourself enough to avoid these people for a while. Regardless of what happens at that appointment, you are a valuable woman who deserves better than what those so-called friends are offering you. (((HUGE HUG))) I'm praying for you.
As for those who feel like chastising her decisions is a valid thing to do... Why? Will it change anything? Have you ever felt the need to vent about something? Have you ever been wronged and been blamed for what someone else did? It sucks. When someone is down, they don't need anyone else trying to tear them down further or keep them down. They need support. They need love. It's not a big thing to help. It is a big thing to hurt. C'mon, we are all in this together, right? Can we all just set aside judgements for past actions and move forward as a supportive team?
Ill repeat, WOW!
Im really sorry you dealt with that, but taking a step back and removing those types of people from your life is only going to help you in the future. GL with your appt and hopefully everything is perfectly fine.
Thanks to all for your kind words and reassurances. I am going to follow the main stream of advice and cut contact with these friends. At some point, I will likely need to explain to M why what she did isn't okay (I am absolutely sure she will never realize it on her own). But I don't need someone like that in my life, especially now that I have so many other priorities.
Thanks for reassuring me that I am NOT crazy and that was NOT acceptable. For a while there, I thought I might just be overreacting and "weak." Thank you for letting me vent.
I did talk to my doctor and she assured me that for a hike to cause a miscarriage, I would have to have rolled down the entire mountain, drank a gallon of Jim Bean at the bottom, then taken a hard punch to the stomach. Which makes me feel better. She said that my cervix/uterus could have gotten agitated, which might cause bleeding, but it would be superficial. Now, the bleeding could be unrelated (unlikely) and that would be a separate problem in and of itself.
However, I will be having the u/s first thing in the morning to be sure that a certain someone is where s/he should be.