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October 2012 Moms
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S/O etiquette question...hand-me-downs

LBoogeyBrideLBoogeyBride member
in October 2012 Moms

Okay, so here's another etiquette question for my fellow bumpies.  Over the weekend, my manager called me to let me know she was getting rid of some baby items.  She mentioned that she had a $300 car seat and a $250 stroller that I could have if I wanted.  I told her I'd gladly take the two items off her hands and that I appreciated her thinking of me.  She then told me that she'd rather give the items to someone she knows rather than try to sell them on Craigslist for $50. 

 My question is, not having the specifics on the carseat and stroller (expiration date, condition, etc), should I give her some money for these items when I pick them up later this week?   I'd feel awkward not giving her something, but at the same time, I'm not even sure if these items are usable for our LO. Plus, because she mentioned what she would sell these items for, I wonder if that was her way of letting me know that is what she'd like for them.  Any suggestions?

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Re: S/O etiquette question...hand-me-downs

  • akaster25akaster25 member
    Some friends (and friends-of-friends) have given me quite a bit of stuff.  For little stuff I haven't given anything back; but for the bigger ones I found something to trade.  If they have a baby/toddler, diapers are often an easy choice; gift cards could also be nice.  Not hearing the actual conversation, the $50 could have been a hint, or just a throwaway number, no way to know.

    HOWEVER, please please make sure the car seat is not a recalled one, and that you trust your manager when she tells you that it hasn't been in any accidents.  Otherwise, it's worthless.
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  • RochellRochell

    I'd probably just send a thank you card with a gift basket after the fact....depending on how valuable and good condition the items are I'd probably spend the quoted $50 from edible arrangements or whatnot - i feel like giftcards you can't hide the value you put on their items - if your manager thinks it's worth $50 but in reality you think it's crap, then don't send a gift card - maybe send cookies or something. But I personally would send it after the fact - it's a gift after all, right?

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  • BronzeMamaBronzeMama

    I would just ask her the make and model of the stroller and car seat. Then ask her if you can examine them before making a final decision and if she's giving them away or if she's looking to gift them to a new home and you just want to be 100% sure before making the trek to her house.

    But the best part of me thinks you should just decline. You could try telling her "thanks so much for thinking of me, but my (MOM/BFF/MIL) just made us a glorious gift  of an entire travel system, so suddenly I'm out of the market for needing one..."

     I think it's a little weird to take hand me downs from the boss. Just a smidge weird. If you now feel weird enough about it to even ask us the question, then you might want to take yourself out of the weirdness entirely. 

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  • queenie521queenie521 member
    imageRochell:

    I'd probably just send a thank you card with a gift basket after the fact....depending on how valuable and good condition the items are I'd probably spend the quoted $50 from edible arrangements or whatnot - i feel like giftcards you can't hide the value you put on their items - if your manager thinks it's worth $50 but in reality you think it's crap, then don't send a gift card - maybe send cookies or something. But I personally would send it after the fact - it's a gift after all, right?

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  • orgnlmamaorgnlmama member
    I don't think a gift, used or new, requires anything more than a thank you note. I definitely wouldn't give a gift for a gift. One tactic to hand me downs that I have used is to say to the giver, "Is it OK if I mark the tag/label the caraway, etc. So when LO grows out of it/ we are done with it I can return it to the right owner." They will say yes go ahead or no, no it is yours. I think offering to return a loaned/ presumed loaned item is fine. If its not loaned, then its a gift. If she was offering to sell it to you, then it's her fault for being passive about it and the awkward moment should be hers not yours.
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  • jillybean800jillybean800 member

    My guess is that she was saying that 50 bucks is what you would get for something on Craigslist and she would rather give it away for nothing to someone she knows. I don't think it was a hint.  I would just give a thank you card and maybe cookies or some other treat.

    BTW, are you getting a new one for a shower anyway? This could be your extra set for the grandparents, etc. It's always nice to have more than one!

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  • NewbostonmommaNewbostonmomma member

    imageorgnlmama:
    I don't think a gift, used or new, requires anything more than a thank you note. I definitely wouldn't give a gift for a gift. One tactic to hand me downs that I have used is to say to the giver, "Is it OK if I mark the tag/label the caraway, etc. So when LO grows out of it/ we are done with it I can return it to the right owner." They will say yes go ahead or no, no it is yours. I think offering to return a loaned/ presumed loaned item is fine. If its not loaned, then its a gift. If she was offering to sell it to you, then it's her fault for being passive about it and the awkward moment should be hers not yours.

     

    I like this idea!  Takes pressure off of you for feeling like you have to pay for the items...you are just borrowing the loaned item until your LO is bigger.  I am going to try this! :)

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  • LBoogeyBrideLBoogeyBride member

    Thank you all for your input!  I still plan to buy a carseat and we already have a jogging stroller purchased, so these items will likely be additional items that we can leave with grandparents or use in a pinch.  Like PP have mentioned, I'm a bit leery about the carseat because I'm not sure how old it is and if it's been in any accidents.

     I think I'll take stock of the items and offer to return them once we're done using them.  Plus, I love the idea of a nice thank you card and some cookies or treat to show my appreciation. 

     Thanks for the great ideas!

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