Hey Ladies,
Thought i would hop over to this one since i am new to the military scene and my BF says i should try to be more involved... im kinda just venting so thanks for reading.....this is my first pregnancy and im due in december, my BF has a little girl from a previous relationship who will be 2 in a week... We are planning on getting married in september before we move... BF is in texas for training right now... i have not been separated from him since we started dating so its been rough... well we found out two weeks ago that the truck that had ALL of our belongings on it caught fire and we lost everything... this is absolutely devistating, i am happy no one was hurt, but we lost so many things that just cant be replaced ... a week after that we found out that my BF's orders were changed to Korea instead of KY... two days later found out that his orders were changed again... we dont know where we are going so i have no clue where i will be having my baby and it really is stressing me out... we move in two months and we dont know where... they said that they would tell him where he is being stationed by the 30th... i am a really organized person and this is just killing me... i feel a little accomplished because i finally got the list all the items that we lost done for the moving company... but its just been really hard... being a military GF/Wife has really been rough so far...
thanks for letting me vent...
Re: New to the Board...been through hell in the past 2 weeks :(
I am not trying to be mean. But unless you two get married, your "moving with him" is not going to be easy.
Look, I am not saying marry him for his benefits. I am actually saying DO NOT MOVE WITH HIM UNLESS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS READY FOR MARRIAGE WITHIN THE NEXT 6 MONTHS.
If he really loves you, he would want these protections for you too.
Oh and I really think your boyfriend is an idiot with this comment, "my BF says i should try to be more involved"
If you cannot even get on base without a sponsor, how are you supposed to be more involved? Not for nothing, but many of the spouses groups will not include girlfriends - be it the snobbery factor, the OPSEC factor (our squadron commander at Langley would not allow non-spouses, even parents to get most info) or just the logistics of it.
As the servicemember he SHOULD know this and it is not fair setting you up like that.
I'm very sorry to hear about all of your frustration, and I know that it is stressful. It's really awful that your stuff was all destroyed.
Ilumine is right, though, that you are going to have issues if you're not married. I'm not saying get married if you're not ready, but just be prepared for things to be difficult.
ETA; And if/when you do get married, military life often throws the unexpected your way. Orders get changed, it can take awhile to get orders... Things don't always happen the way you want them to, so make sure that you are ready to accept that kind of lifestyle. DH and I have been married a few years and I knew a lot about military life before we got married, but that doesn't make it any less stressful when orders change or DH has to be gone, etc.
I am sorry you are having to go through all of this.
I have to agree with Ilumine on all her points. I see that you are planning on getting married in September, but depending on where he moves to, you might have to be prepared to be left behind, especially if he moves overseas. The military will not pay to send you with him just because you got married. If he goes overseas, you will need command sponsorship, and that can take months to get. Also, since you are not married yet, the military is not obligated to pay for the replacement of your stuff, only his. I hope things work out for you, but be prepared as a military spouse to deal with your H being gone for long periods of time, not being able to talk to him whenever you want, and not always knowing what is going to happen, whether it is a PCS move or a deployment.
Dont worry I dont think your being mean or anything, i would rather have you tell me how it is....We are planning on getting married in September after he gets back from Training....this is the soonest we could do it because of past relationships (its hard when an ex refuses to sign paperwork) ... and thank you ladies for your support and advice... i appreciate it... like i said i am so new to this... i have A LOT to learn...
Sorry to hear about all the stuff going wrong, though after handling all that, you know you can take a lot of stuff life might throw at you. I second much of what has already been said, learning to adjust and be flexible is a must. In some ways try planning for different options instead (if that makes any sense). Like get the stuff you need that is easy to move, and just pick out larger items that you might not want to purchase until you get settled somewhere. For example, buy a pack and play, so baby has somewhere to sleep, and have a crib picked out, but perhaps not purchased yet.
Not knowing where you are going, or having it change is pretty common, but that being said it can be very frustrating, and feel free to share your frustrations, and hear about similar stories from other military spouses.
If you are brand new to the army, or going to be I recommend contacting Army Community Services (ACS) when you get to your first post. They will have a variety of classes you can take that might help you transition into Army life. For example, Army Family Team Building (AFTB), Level I can be a good intro to the Army. Classes include, Reading an LES (Leave and Earnings Statement), Customs and Courtesies, Community Resources, Acronyms. It might help you figure out what your resources are, and what in the world people are talking about when Acronyms are thrown around.
Best of Luck to you!
I've had to learn that a lot of things are out of his control. The Army does what it wants and my H just has to do it...even last minute. That being said, we weren't married when we decided to have a baby and he was stationed overseas. We actually met at his last duty station as I was working for a company there. I still didn't get on his orders b/c of the command spon. (we were already married). He didnt get orders until 2 weeks before he had to leave. We just called my stuff his stuff for the move. Hope everything works out for you!