So what kind of mom are you?

reb562 · July 2012

As a first time working mom, I would like to know what to sort of expect from those that have kids already and work.

Are you a super mom?

Are you frazzled but you make it work?

Do you go to your child's school and participate as a parent once a month?

Just trying to be realistic of what I can or cannot due once the baby is here. Thanks in advance.

Kadyra · July 2012

LOL. I'm no MOTY. I did not make my own baby food. I breast fed (with formula supplementation because of supply) for 5 months and then went to formula so DS wouldn't starve, as my crappy residency program did not think breastfeeding was an excuse to be unavailable (and it's an ob/gyn program). I bake occasionally. I do not sew or do crafty stuff (I do now because I am on bed rest with #2). On my weekday off, I go to a crap ton of doctor's appointments for me. I rarely take DS to the park or indoor playground. DS watches tv and eats a lot of crap food.

DH is a SAHD. For now. He's looking to re-enter the workforce. Well, he cooks and cleans and does the fun and educational stuff with DS. Once he starts working, these duties will split up, but I imagine DS will do fun things at preschool to make up for what crappy parents we are otherwise.

As a resident, I worked 80-90 hours a week and barely saw DS his first year and a half. I often commented I felt like a random babysitter who didn't know her charge and that sucked. I now only work 40 hours a week and our relationship is much stronger. I think that because DS knows that he is loved and cared for is a lot more valuable than trying to attain supermom status.

laurakaz13 · July 2012

I have only been a mom for 15 months, so I only have the experience of the past year working with a child.

I am certainly a pretty laid back mom. I found being a mother pretty natural during my 3-month maternity leave. I did not love the infant stage, but made it through. I have loved the 6+ months stages.

I BF for 5 1/2 months, then FF. DD never liked baby food of any type, but has been eating whatever we eat since 8 months. I let DD explore and try new things (within reason). I'm not a freak about germs. She goes to daycare at a center at the hosptial where I work, and she loves every minute of it.

We take DD out with us quite often. I'm outdoorsy, so we go on lots of walks, hikes, runs, visits to park, visits downtown or to the beach. She travels with us and is already a frequent flyer.

DH and I adore DD more than anything, but we also adore our alone time. We go on date nights every few weeks. We just got back from 10 days in Bermuda and DD went to the grandparent's. We have a few fabulous babysitters.

I love my career and although I miss DD, I do not wish I was home all day with her. I can visit her during the day and I love the quality time we get together.

I have to say parenthood has been so wonderful and so tough in many ways. I think the key is balance, and not losing yourself. I also think having a great partnership with your SO, and ensuring you're both up for parenting 50/50 is extremely important.

MammaBear81 · July 2012

I'd say I'm an organized mom. Sure I have my "frazzled" moments, but as a whole I plan a lot and things go pretty smoothly in my house. I do have the benefit of a DH who is willing to do his share and we had an au pair until a few months ago (had to let go due to DHD job loss) but we will be getting another one soon. I don't think I would be able to get 5 kids up, dressed, fed and to DC by 7am. I am co-president of the PTA in the boys school and coordinator for their soccer league. I'm lucky enough to have a flexible schedule, the older 4 have swim lessons, the girls do gymnastics and dance, and the boys play soccer, which either DH or myself attend practices and games. This works for our family, but it might not work for others. Don't try to strive to do everything, just find a balance that works for you, GL!

LoCarb · July 2012

reb562:
Are you a super mom? Yes, I have been called this before.
Are you frazzled but you make it work? On the occasion,yes. I'm also very organized.
Do you go to your child's school and participate as a parent once a month? No, I work 30 min from DC and it's not feasible. I have been a volunteer for a field trip before and I always volunteer to bring a food item for their holiday party. Our DC has webcams so I participate by watching w/o being there.
The DC workers describe me as the cool, understanding mom and like I mentioned above I have also been called supermom. The cool, understanding part definitely comes from being an active member of this board. I know which situations demand a reaction and which situations are completely normal and need to play out.
Once you get over the NB phase, the infant yrs are relatively easy. The toddler yrs have proven to really test my patience.

KL777 · July 2012

I'm a "Good Enough is the New Perfect" type of mom (I recommend that book). This type of mom pinpoints her priorities, chooses what success looks like to her (not what other people say it should look like), and does not strive to be the impossible "perfect" mom but does her best without trying to be the best at everything.

KathrynMD · July 2012

KL777:

I'm a "Good Enough is the New Perfect" type of mom (I recommend that book). This type of mom pinpoints her priorities, chooses what success looks like to her (not what other people say it should look like), and does not strive to be the impossible "perfect" mom but does her best without trying to be the best at everything.

ditto this; but I didn't read the book.

IMO - despite what you see on FB or the The Bump, Motherhood is not a competition or a photo shoot. My kid is healthy and happy and we have a strong bond. DH and I are happy and healthy (if a little tired. ...).

We make due, and improvise as needed. Some nights we have sandwichs or chicken nuggets for dinner and I read People Magazine while the dishes sit. I'm happy with that.

Kie310 · July 2012

I am a go with the flow mom. Not everying always gets done, and I'm okay with that. I make sure I spend as much time as a I can with my son. I make sure my husband and I do things just the 2 of us once or twice a month.

The house isn't always spotless, I don't make a 3 course meal nightly, but my family is happy and healthy and that's all that matters.

No, I don't go to the school and do things. I only get so much personal time from work and when I do I want to be doing things with my family, or somethings just a day for me. I don't want to spend it at the school. I have never had a desire to be a "PTA mom" of any kind, even at the DC level.

ITGurl0626 · July 2012

KathrynMD:

We make due, and improvise as needed. Some nights we have sandwichs or chicken nuggets for dinner and I read People Magazine while the dishes sit. I'm happy with that.

This is so me. I am not a super mom at all. But I love my DD with all intensity. I try my best & that is fine with me.

BeachBum73 · July 2012

I'm on my second child and have been a working mom for more than 8 years and the stressful times come and go - I don't feel frazzled all the time but there are moments. My husband is a CPA so during tax season, it's always more stressful. I don't have a set schedule of participating at my daughter's school - whatever works for me is usually what I do.

I think you should expect a lot of trial and error. You may find yourself trying to do too much, find it's not sustainable and then you have to pull back - figure out what you have to ease up on - whether it's housework or not having a home cooked meal every night.

Zimger · July 2012

I don't think I qualify as super mom but I don't really feel too frazzled either (most days). I do what I can when I can and somehow (miraculously) most things that need to get done do get done.

catsinawindow · July 2012

I think on the outside, I would appear to others as a "super mom" (until they saw the disaster I call my house) but I don't feel like one myself.

For example, I EBF for the first year. I am still BFing now, although I don't pump anymore (DS gets WCM while I'm at work). I did make my own baby food. We try to do educational/fun things with DS all the time (ie. reading books, visiting the library, baby swim class, aquarium, etc). I do bake, make homemade healthy meals almost everynight, made DS's halloween costume.

But the things I listed above are either what I made a priority (ie. BFing, reading a book a day, healthy eating) or things that I like to do for me (ie. baking, sewing the costume). A lot of other things slide. Like cleaning. Our house is almost always a mess. Occassionally, I'm just too tired to play with DS between dinner and bedtime. So I flop on the couch, let DS watch TV, and feel like a bad mom.

I think it's about priorities. You will never be able to do everything, so make sure you do the things that are important to you. Some other things will probably have to slide, but it's OK.

brewcitybride · July 2012

I think all moms are different things on any different day!

- Most of the time, I am pretty calm and make it all work.

- Sometimes I am super frazzled and overwhelmed by how much I have to do every day....

- THEN, when I feel like that...I chuck it all out the window, take a day off, and spend it with my loved ones!

Pesky · July 2012

There are occasional dust bunnies. My carpet needs to be vaccuumed. Sometimes we let handwashing dishes/glasses build up. Eh. Kids are clean and well-fed. I pick my battles. No super mom here. Right now, while in DC, I drop them off and go work. Nothing else. I will go in for holiday parties and such but for now I don't go in regularly. I pretty much try to go in when invited and it works for my schedule.

chardonnay24 · July 2012

I work part time BUT I am 100% on mom duty when I am home in the mornings - no laundry, cleaning, or anything besides using the bathroom, making breakfast, and getting myself dressed.

I am a pretty organized mom. Our standard M - F schedule is:

7 - 9: Wake up, get ready, and play for a couple hours. If the weather is nice-ish, we go for a walk or play in the backyard. If it's rainy or cold, we do free play inside or arts and crafts.

9 - 11: Scheduled activity of some sort - music class, tumbling class, library story time, play date, or park trip with friends.

11:30 - 12: He goes to DC, I go to work

6: I cook dinner, either something relatively easy (grill, salad, crockpot) or reheat a freezer meal.

7: He plays with Daddy while I relax or get laundry or cleaning done, depending on the day

8: H and I split the housework, it takes about an hour to get daily chores done. We usually spend one day per month "deep cleaning" when A spends the afternoon at his grandma's house.

9: We watch some TV or read, and go to bed around 11

I made my own baby food when I SAH, but always weekends or evenings. Now he eats what we eat, but I now use 1 weekend per month to make freezer meals. If I had a baby on purees, I'd still make them now that I'm working because it's so quick, easy, and healthy. We CD, but it's only 3 extra loads of laundry per week and doesn't take more than 5 minutes to throw a load in the wash. We go to museums, gyms, and the like on weekends with H. Absolutely nothing changed in my schedule when I went back to work last month, except that my afternoons are spent working instead of figuring out another activity to do. I actually find that I'm more relaxed being back at work. Sitting at a desk is so much easier than chasing an active toddler all day!

ETA: I should add that I do get frazzled when he gets sick. I just started 1.5 months ago and he's been sick 3 times. Then I have to scramble around and try to figure out alternative care or take time off work (or have H take a day off). That was something I obviously never had to worry about when I was SAH.

emberlee3 · July 2012

I'm going with frazzled, but I make it work.

At least, I did with just DS. I am still on maternity leave with DD. I'm kind of freaking out about how I'm going to manage when I go back to work.

I went once last spring and read a book at DS's preschool. That's about it for my participation as a parent.

Unknown · July 2012

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cecilyandgautam · July 2012

I think having a baby makes it easier, in the sense that there aren't a lot of extra curriculars to drive around for and there's just 1 kid right now. So we get everything done, but I'm usually running 5-15 minutes late for things.

I'm still breastfeeding, plan on continuing to pump 2-3xday until DD's 1st birthday. We use baby-led weaning and cook at home almost every night so we make our daughter's food, simply because we make our own. We're in the process of switching to cloth diapers. On weekends, we do a lot of errands, socialize with other families, and we're pretty active in our religious community.

I work 40 hours/week and my husband works from home so we're able to get things done.

itsmevkb · July 2012

I'm not a super mom and I'm also not a "I feel guilty because I work" mom. Sometimes I'm frazzled, which I think is more due to the number of kids I have rather than an issue with working as I don't remember feeling frazzeld hardly ever when I just had one.

I make it work by trying to keep a sense of humor and lowering my expectations with regards to certain things. I am striving to cook more often for my family but don't stress it too much as my time at home is important to me and I don't want to spend all of it in the kitchen. As a compromise we've been buying pre-assembled meals to use one or two nights a week. Similarly, I don't want to spend my time cleaning the house so I dont expect it to be super neat all the time and I have someone come and clean every other week.

I do not participate once a month at school but I do pick and choose certain things to participate in. I'm not that kind of person in general as I tend to be more the type to give money rather than volunteer to be class mom. I'd buy 50 frozen pizzas before I'll volunteer to organize the fundraiser. My husband is more the volunteer type and so he has done some in-class things in the past.

You'll just need to find the level of things you're comfortable with but trust me, it all works itself out.

easjer05 · July 2012

I'm a mom who has being doing the work/mom thing for 2 weeks. So far - my house is a mess and I've had trouble leaving work on time and leaving for scheduled pumping breaks. But I've already drawn new boundaries and have stuck to some of them (no working from home, no working crazy hours, get home to see the baby, put family health first) so I am hoping we'll make it all work somehow.

I am so far from thinking about school that I have no idea. If I had to guess, I would guess my mom will be more involved than I am. She is retired and our primary caretaker.

Strunella · July 2012

I think I'm a Work in Progress Mom. I feel like I've met some of my mom goals (I did make my own babyfood despite a demanding work schedule) and failed at others (wanted to BF exclusively for at least 6 months, but supplemented with formula at 3 months due to DS not gaining enough weight). My house sometimes looks like a zoo, but we do have a cleaning woman to make up for my deficiencies. I've stuck with my plan regarding no TV for DS. My "discipline" attempts have failed, so I'm trying to figure out what works. When DS is in school, I hope to be involved...go to games, bake the cupcakes, go on some field trips. I'm just figuring it out as I go along.

pitterpatter129 · July 2012

reb562:

Are you a super mom? No way. I try to be, but it's not happening. I learned to let go of a lot of responsibilty at work though (extra things) so I can be at home more. I learned to say no to some things that I didn't really find important to me.

Are you frazzled but you make it work? Totally, but it works out fine in the end. The house is a little (ahem, so a lot) dirtier than it used to be and the laundry might not always be done, etc., but it's all worth it in the end.

Do you go to your child's school and participate as a parent once a month? No. I don't really have that option. My child is still daycare age, but I teach, so school hours are my hours and I don't get to leave and make up time later, etc. I don't have any flexible working hours.

CrazyToast · July 2012

I am an anal-retentive organized mom - I make my lunches for the week ahead of time, we keep DD's life pretty organized (it helps that we've taught her how to clean up). As for the house, it's never going to be spotless. We're always up on laundry, and the clutter is usually cleaned up. DH & I share responsibilities quite nicely, and we wouldn't survive any other way.

I knew that I wasn't made to have multiple kids. We're one and done to keep our sanity - but also because we know we're happy as a family of 3. I find it is much easier to be a parent to just my DD. I don't think I could handle more kids. I am a teacher and see a new set of 30 or more kids every 45 minutes every day.

MNgirl326 · July 2012

I am not super mom, but I am not frazzled mom either. I am ususally somewhere in the midde.

Some days my house is messy and others it is super clean. Some days I make dinner, other days we order take out.

I am pretty laid back about daycare. I trust them, and don't spend time worrying about things that could go wrong, or that daycare is doing something drastically wrong. I get along well with them and have a good relationship with them. With that said, i am usually the mom that forgets to turn in the permission slip for them to do something, so they usually have to send multiple copies home for me or call me. its something I am working on.

I don't go do activities at DC with LO b/c the opprotunities haven't been there yet. LO is only 2. But when they do come up when he is older, I will do what I can when I can.

I guess you could call me a realistic mom.

shouldbworkin · July 2012

I think you can do almost anything you want as long as you plan ahead, are organized and have an equal partner. I have taken my kids to mommy and me classes, but at alternative times. I do volunteer in school 2x a month. I am frazzled at times, especially right now with a little baby. But, I have perspective and know that this time is not permanent. Rather than worry about how clean my house is, I am trying to enjoy this time since it will be over fast.

My goal is to find balance for everyone. If I attain that goal, I'm doing just fine.

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