life sucks. pity party.

amber7111 · July 2012

im ready to lay down and die i hate the hand i have been dealt and i dont think im quite as strong as you other ladies. dh has been out of work for 2 weeks for an unwanted unpaid vacation...we lost ds over this time...to add to he stress we have been living paycheck to paycheck cus of having to also to support my disabled daddy who demands a lot for someone who has no money himself..now we are almost broke and we have no money til the third and im worried about how to buy gas and food and i hate borrowing money. i need pads for my pp bleeding but i dont want to bother my dh with more crap. selling ds baby things has crossed my mind but i would rather die than part with them. im wondering if running my car into a tree is a better solution. fml.

eroplane · July 2012

Oh amber I am so sorry you are feeling this way. None of us should be here. Life isn't fair and there is no rhyme or reason our babies didn't make it. When I get to feeling down and depressed I think of living for my babies and keeping their memories alive. Talk to us whenever you need to. I hope things turn around for you and your husband soon. Big, big hugs.

jbranden12 · July 2012

Amber I am so sorry you are having such difficulty on top of losing your son. I know how difficult it is for us to reach out for help, but please do this for yourself. A friend, a family member, someone in your doctor's office or the hospital you delivered at. We are always here for you but we all need additional support sometimes.

lrichmond86 · July 2012

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this at once! We're not all as strong as we may seem to be. For weeks after my loss I felt just like you did... life wasn't worth all of the pain that I had in my heart. But the days and weeks passed by and I found new reasons to get out of bed in the morning. Now it's been almost seven and a half months since I said good bye to my son and there are still days where it's just too much for me to handle. It will never go away, but it does get easier to adjust to, I promise. As PPs said, please reach out when you need help... whether it's here on tb or to someone in rl. None of us can take this journey on our own. We all need a little extra love and support now and then, and there's nothing wrong with asking for that. Please know that we're all thinking of you, DH, and your LO.

dandywarhol · July 2012

I'm so sorry that everything seems to be going wrong at the same time. Life sucks that way. I hope you can find someone to talk to and to help ease your burdens. Are you eligible for food stamps while your DH is out of work?While it is admirable that you are helping out your father is there anyway you can tell him that because of your loss and because of your DH's unexpected time off from work that this month/week that you won't be able to help as much as you'd like?

I think mentally that we all have been where you are. Often it does feel like it would be easier to just lay down and never get back up. But you do because you are stronger than you think. Just focus on getting through the next minute or the next hour.

amber7111 · July 2012

thanks ladies i shouldnt have said anything silly like that i wouldnt really run my car into a tree though the thought has crossed my mind i would never be able to carry an action like that out. im feeling better now. dh mother sends us money for our birthdays in august our birthdays are ten days apart so she sent us the birthday money ahead of time which will help a lot. plus if i absolutely need anymore money i can always ask a family member to borrow some but i hate doing that it makes me feel like a bum. and as for my daddy we kinda "owe" him cus he isnt working right now cus his leg is messed up but when he did work he helped us quite a bit through a rough patch so i feel obligated now. and he lives with us so its not like we have to give a lot but we do feed him and he eats like a horse all he does is eat which is aggravating cus his poor health and he smokes like a freight train so thats an expensive habit we are supporting and then he always wants those dang energy drinks which are like almost 3 bucks a piece and he wants two a day idk i feel bad to tell him no after all he had done for us but he has a lot of bad habits that we cant afford plus we are providing gas for all his doctor visits and they are a good ways away. and he wont do nothing form himself wont even put a pizza in for himself its so aggravating cus i wanted a baby to take care of not a grown man. btw he is capable of making him food or washing clothes he just wont. he is just disabled as in he cant work. but anyways i probably sund selfish but i cant help it.

Carolee · July 2012

I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Sending you big (((HUGS))), and please reach out to us/someone IRL you trust when things get rough.

sebailey6 · July 2012

I'm so sorry your problems seem to be piling up. We know too well about money issues. I recently said to my husband that sooo many things have been going wrong in the last couple of months...there has to be something good coming soon. and sure enough...he was offered an audition to sing background for Faith Evans.

Please believe things will turn around. Maybe not in your time...but it will happen right ON TIME!! Believe that!

I will be praying for you. Please don't look so far ahead...that's too much to take in with all that you have gone through at this point. All we can do is take things one day at a time...and if that's too much...then one minute at a time.

Mrs Nice · July 2012

Big hugs to you! I remember having thoughts like that. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I believe that the only reason I am here today is bc I couldn't stand the thought of putting my DH through the pain of losing me on top of losing out son. He became my reason for living.

I am glad that you are feeling better now but please talk to someone IRL and get some help. Trust that things will get better. I know the pain can feel like it is too much but there is only pain bc you love your baby sooooo much.

Any time you need to vent, cry, scream, (and one day) laugh, we will be here for you.

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