Still One and Done? (or 2 and through...3 and Free...4 no more)

FyreFlyeRush · July 2012

So, now that we've been mums for nearly 2mos or longer, how many who thought this was your last baby still feel that way? Or, how many who planned more feel that this is it?

I swore to myself I was done. It was a long hard pregnancy physically, and BDdrama has made even my recovery an emotional nightmare. But, my biggest concern was starting over with a new baby after 16 years. Now that I have, I think I'm going to try for another one at the ripe old age of 37-38.

Where's everyone else stand?

stemms8810 · July 2012

My H and I have discussed before having 2 kids together. I have a DD from a previous relationship. But now we talk about evaluating where we are at in a year or so (financially, emotionally) to determine if we think we should add to our family again. Sometimes I feel like I would be happy if we were done but then other times I am not 100% sure. I think it will take me a year or so to know for sure if I want another one and I think my H is the same way.

PotomacSt · July 2012

I always thought I wanted 3-4. I was always jealous of families with a lot of kids growing up. Also, my mom has 8 siblings and I have always loved having tons of cousins and huge chaotic family get-togethers and wanted my kids to have lots of family.

Now I'm pretty certain that we'll stop at 2. I just don't feel like we have the resources for 3+... Infant daycare for just one is going to eat up almost half of my take-home income. We live in a small two-bedroom house and have old cars and I already feel like we're stretched to the limit.

MelissaMiso · July 2012

I always thought I would have two, but having my first at the ripe old age of 39, living in a two bedroom bungalow and currently having financial problems she may be our one and only. The thought of that makes me sad but we may not have a choice. Plus, the end of pregnancy was not so fun.

Who knows, maybe if our financial situation changes soon, our family will grow. Since we got married later in life, we really just focused on this pregnancy/baby. I really want to talk to my husband about his thoughts about the future now that Fifi is here.

Heather2256 · July 2012

We've always wanted to have more than one. But as others have mentioned, it really depends on if our financial situation improves. I, at least, need to get a better job. And either we need to get rid of this house or DH needs to figure something out. He's gonna try to get it refinanced (again) tomorrow. He said that if in a year things don't improve then we'll get rid of the house. But I really don't know what'll happen. I've always told him, when it comes to the house & things like that, for him to do what he thinks is best.

RnMom2Be · July 2012

We have 2 and are done....I got my tubes tied so no turning back unless we adopt!!!

Miss Maverick · July 2012

I wanted 2-3 kids, but I scares my hubby with developing HELLP and having an emergency c-section that we are done. If we are going to have anymore kids we will have to adopt. I am sad at this time to be one and done, but at this time it is for the best of my family.

PregoPuma · July 2012

Asked this ? within the first 2 weeks of having my L/O I would've said "one and done"...but now I can't wait to have a 2nd child! We've both always wanted 2 kids anyway...and I'm 38 so we might have to "put the pedal to the metal" as they say

pithikaki · July 2012

I've always wanted 3-4. Hubby used to disagree, but now he's all on board. We've been together since we were 17 so we've been planning it this way for awhile. Obviously, if something happens and we can't afford it financially we will adjust our plans, but we would both have to see it as severe enough to impact how we can provide for the one(s) we've already got at the time.

We both grew up in families of 2 and neither of us get along great with our siblings. I'd like for her to have other options and not be "stuck" with one sibling who she may not mesh well with, especially as an adult. I wish I had more brothers and sisters!

k4slr6 · July 2012

DH started talking about #2 the first week after we had her. We are waiting till DD is 9 mos old to try for #2. I will be 35 this year so we want to start trying sooner than later and it took us a year to get pregnant with DD. I will have a repeat c/s so I will have my tubes tied at that time.

NatPhoto09 · July 2012

we are 2 and through for sure. I am happy with my two boys and DH is hopefully getting a V sooner than later. DS#2 has been very easy and I'm so glad b/c I was so scared of the newborn stage. This time I'm really trying to enjoy every minute of his babyhood.

FyreFlyeRush · July 2012

k4slr6:
DH started talking about #2 the first week after we had her. We are waiting till DD is 9 mos old to try for #2. I will be 35 this year so we want to start trying sooner than later and it took us a year to get pregnant with DD. I will have a repeat c/s so I will have my tubes tied at that time.

Yeah, I'm 35 and I'm planning anonymous donor ICI or IUI. So, I figure it's best to start trying in Jan on 2015 so DS will be three when his sibling is born.

My sister and I are 13 years apart, and she's more a sibling to DD than me. I'd like DS to have a sibling closer image to him than 16yrs. I thought my chance was gone. It's so much easier to be a mom at 35 than it was at 19. I appreciate it more. I value it more. My DD and I grew up together, and I've cherished every moment of it. But, this time, I'm an adult instead of a child myself.

winter-shock · July 2012

I always wanted a minimum of 3. Since now having our second we are at a point of re-evaluation. I had really terrible pregnancies that have resulted in physiotherapy . Right now I just feel so blessed and happy with my two little girls. At the 1 year mark we will make a more permanent decision.

k8edgerton · July 2012

MelissaMiso:
I always thought I would have two, but having my first at the ripe old age of 39, living in a two bedroom bungalow and currently having financial problems she may be our one and only. The thought of that makes me sad but we may not have a choice. Plus, the end of pregnancy was not so fun.
Who knows, maybe if our financial situation changes soon, our family will grow. Since we got married later in life, we really just focused on this pregnancy/baby. I really want to talk to my husband about his thoughts about the future now that Fifi is here.

You can't make that decision now... The more snug the home the more there is to love! Your financial situation will turn around soon my dear. Hugs.

gatogrrl · July 2012

Two and through! Sometime in the first hour after DD2 was born, I turned and said to DH, "Thank God I never have to do this again!"

I might have tried for one more, though, if I weren't so old.

ShowLabs · July 2012

We are going for number 4 (God willing) We originally thought we wanted 2. After the second was born, we both felt there was something missing. So, we would try for one more. after DD was born, he looked at me and asked "one more?" i didnt give it a second thought. we both come from families that we aren't close with. I always envied close knit families. We may not know exactly what to do being there is no book to go by, but our families sure wrote the book for what not to do lol! I'm no spring chicken either (38) well try for a bit to see if it was meant to be, if not we are so very blessed with our 3

Pdxmom73 · July 2012

3 and free! I got my tubes tied so te decision has been made. I get a little sad about it every once in awhile but then I remember that I will be 39 before this year is over. Eeek! I was a single mother at 21 and ds1 is autistic. Dh and I started dating when he was 4 and didn't get married until he was 7. We immediately started trying to have kids and always planned to have 2. Ds2 came shortly after ds1 turned 8. We then planned to have another when he was 3 but my father died suddenly at 55 and it turned my life upside down. I couldn't imagine being preggo and grieving. Then the economy went to hell in a handbasket(dh was a self employed general comtractor) so we had to recover and find a new income for our family. I went back to work and he found a good job. We recovered and got on our feet. Dd1 came 4/30..so my kids are all 8 yrs apart. It wasn't our plan but that's how it worked. Had it not, I think #4 would have happened for sure!

lovetohike · July 2012

Would love another! Was craving another while still in the hospital with my little guy! I have my May baby and my newly turned 6 year old, both boys. I'd love another boy and one girl! Sadly I am 38, almost 39 though. Running out of time. I look at least 10 years younger on the outside.. But my who knows inside.

MelissaMiso · July 2012

k8edgerton:
MelissaMiso:
I always thought I would have two, but having my first at the ripe old age of 39, living in a two bedroom bungalow and currently having financial problems she may be our one and only. The thought of that makes me sad but we may not have a choice. Plus, the end of pregnancy was not so fun.
Who knows, maybe if our financial situation changes soon, our family will grow. Since we got married later in life, we really just focused on this pregnancy/baby. I really want to talk to my husband about his thoughts about the future now that Fifi is here.
You can't make that decision now... The more snug the home the more there is to love! Your financial situation will turn around soon my dear. Hugs.

Love that! We are big on small living (no pun intended), sharing excess (like garden veggies) and non-materialistic riches. I know things will change for the better (I'm usually an optimist). Thanks so much for the support and encouragement. I truly appreciate it.

babyruth88 · July 2012

I am ready for another one. We were saying 2and done but who knows for baby 3 we shall see. Im just gratefull for ava and hoping for another chance.we had 5 m/c before ava so who know. We will start trying again in 8months. I want to get my body back and i will try for a january baby

. I like the birthstone and the weather will be nicer then this wicked heat.

ElinJ · July 2012

I always wanted 3, as I grew up the middle child in a family with 3 kids. My H always wanted 2, as he grew up the oldest with a younger sister. Honestly within weeks of delivery I had the thought that I was ready to be pregnant again. I had an awesome easy pregnancy, and my ideal delivery. HOWEVER, financial restraints don't make another pregnancy & baby a good idea for at least a few years! I would prefer my children to be approx 3 years apart, so we won't wait too long. Part of me feels if our next child is a girl, we'll likely be done. That makes me happy and sad, as I really want a girl, but I always wanted 3. I think if our next child is a boy, I *might* be able to convince DH into trying for #3, depending on financial stuff.

hurricanelydiaa · July 2012

I always wanted 2- one boy and one girl. When we found out that #2 was another boy, I thought, hm. Maybe I would be up for a third to try one last time for a girl. But then the second half of my pregnancy was so miserable I swore NO WAY, this was IT. And then #2 has turned out to be such an easy baby. So I don't know. I just got Mirena yesterday and I 100% do NOT want another baby anytime in the next 5 years. But once the Mirena comes out...I don't know. There's a very small possibility I would be up for another one at that point. We'll see. For now, I am going to enjoy my boys :-)

najzomax · July 2012

I am one and done because my first is my husband's third. His vasectomy is booked for October. I have moments where I am a little sad to know I won't get to have another but I'm not upset about not giving birth again. My delivery was not easy and didn't go as planned but baby is here and healthy. I try to look at the bright side - this way she will have 100% of my focus and attention.

pinkmoonlight · July 2012

Before DD, DH and I agree upon 4 kids. I come from a big family of 6 kids and DH only has a brother. So DH knew from the beginning that I wanted a large family. I loved it growing up. I had an emergency c-section that was pretty traumatic for me with DD that made me reconsider the number of kids I wanted. However DS c-section was a dream. It could not have gone any better in my mind (although I could have done with out the short NICU stay for DS). I told DH that if it was like that every time I would have 10 kids. That being said, we are still definitely having 4 kids, but are open to more than 4 if we financially can do it and my doctor says we can do more. Otherwise we would adopt a child or two.

bellelamb · July 2012

I thought we were two and though but number three surprised use. So yesterday I had the esure put in so there will be no more surprises for us!!

jenniatlanta · July 2012

One and done. Since we had LO at 39, just shy of my 40th birthday, and it being a complicated pregnancy, we made the decision that we are blessed with the angel that we were given. If I was just a little younger I would say that we would try for a second, but it just doesn't make sense for us at this stage in our lives. For financial reasons, but more importantly health and risk reasons.

Makes me a little sad. I was at the doctor the other day to have the Mirena IUD inserted and saw the other pregnant ladies there and felt a bit of pang that I won't get to experience that again. Maybe we will go down the adoption path later if we feel we really want another, but I think that is a LONG shot.

kfriscia · July 2012

I really truly can't decide yet. I always wanted 3. Dh wanted two. We had two boys in 19 months. When ds#2 was around 15 months dh agreed to try one more time. I got pregnant easily but miscarried a baby boy at 15 weeks. It was devastating to both of us and it made dh 100% on board for wanting a 3rd. We had a little girl in May and I swore my whole pregnancy that I will never do this again. I hate hate being pregnant. It was tough physically to chase after two other kids. Plus the stress of worrying about another later loss was too much. But now that she is here and is such a good baby I can't help but think that I might want one more. I'm only 31 so part of me thinks that in 2-3 years when my boys are older and the baby is a toddler I could do this again. Dh says no way but then he looks at her and sadly says this is the last baby. So who know how he will feel down the road.

mrsshawnavanb · July 2012

We have always talked about 2 or 3. DD was our first, and I look forward to adding to our family in the future. We are both 30 now, so we've got plenty of time to decide. I don't think we'll try for another until DD is out of diapers, but we will see. I am my moms only, my dad got remarried when I was 13 and had another daughter, but as some of the previous posts mentioned with us being 14 years apart, we don't have as close of a relationship as I'd like. It doesn't help that she lives over an hour away. DH has one sister. I was blessed with a very easy pregnancy so we will try make LO a big sis in the next few years.

becketts · July 2012

We're 99% sure we're done at 2, but I'm having a hard time with it. I've had 2 preemies with NICU stays and I can't go through that again. But it seems so unfair that I'll never get to experience a "normal" pregnancy. DH and I have talked about how this year would be a good time for a vasectomy since we've reached our maximum out of pocket amount for insurance. I think I need to wait until I see my OB in the fall so I can hear her say that I really have no chance of a full-term pregnancy. Then we can move forward with deciding to stop at 2 kids.

moonfaerie · July 2012

kfriscia:
I really truly can't decide yet. I always wanted 3. Dh wanted two. We had two boys in 19 months. When ds#2 was around 15 months dh agreed to try one more time. I got pregnant easily but miscarried a baby boy at 15 weeks. It was devastating to both of us and it made dh 100% on board for wanting a 3rd. We had a little girl in May and I swore my whole pregnancy that I will never do this again. I hate hate being pregnant. It was tough physically to chase after two other kids. Plus the stress of worrying about another later loss was too much. But now that she is here and is such a good baby I can't help but think that I might want one more. I'm only 31 so part of me thinks that in 2-3 years when my boys are older and the baby is a toddler I could do this again. Dh says no way but then he looks at her and sadly says this is the last baby. So who know how he will feel down the road.

Like kfriscia, I really am unsure. I hate being pg, and have had issues with each pregnancy thus far, and I do look forward to the days when I can sleep uninterrupted at night and the kids can dress themselves so it will be a teeny bit easier to get out the door. Plus, it was soooo hard being pg (and on bed rest!) with two toddlers; I really can't imagine being pg with three other kids to care for. And I really want to have my body all to myself again - no pregnancy, no healing from a c/s, no BFing.

On the other hand, I love having siblings and wish I had more (I have two) so I'd like to have a big family. My friend has four siblings, and even as adults, her family get-togethers are so much fun. I love going to her parties and taking part in the chaos. And if we managed to have a boy, I know DH would be ecstatic. (Don't get me wrong, he loves our girls, but he would be happy to have a boy around.)

DH mostly leans towards three being it, but once in a while he'll make a comment about having another kid when these kids are in school. Problem is, I'd rather have another kid sooner than that, if we choose to TTC. I wouldn't want it to feel left out from being so much younger, and I would hopefully be done having kids by the time I hit AMA - I'm currently 33. So, if we're going to go for a fourth, I'd rather be pg by the end of 2013.

Nicolewinsbingo · July 2012

Well, DH and I agree that we want something in the 3-5 range, maybe more when we get there, we'll see. So this being number 1, we are not close to being done! I love big families, but I only have one sibling and I always felt like something was missing. Lord willing, we will definitely have AT LEAST three....

We are 24, so we have a while to work up to that number. We are thinking about 2 years apart.

easjer05 · July 2012

We are not done trying at all. I wasn't sure beforehand, apart from wanting abstractly for DD to have a living sibling - but I was more concerned with having a living baby. Now that I have a living child, I feel like a lot of the pressure is off. It wouldn't make another pregnancy less trying or less anxiety-filled (I still have all the same issues I had before, health wise, plus I had pre-eclampsia with DD), but it wouldn't be the same zero sum game that the pregnancy with Viv was. If we'd lost Vivienne too, we were done. Period. Now that we have her, it changes a lot. I didn't enjoy the pregnancy much at all, and I would really like the chance to enjoy a pregnancy as much as is possible for me.

Before we lost Gabriel, we said 4 kids if we can. Now that we have Vivienne, I still feel that way. I'd hope for 2 more living children. Who knows though? One is doable, financially (if things stay as they are now). Two maybe. But I'm 32 now. I need time to build up leave again at work. We won't start trying before Viv is around 2, because with all the bedrest and limitation of pregnancy for me, I need a child who is a little older and able to understand that Mama can't lift her or chase her or whatever right now. It took 2 years to get pregnant with a viable pregnancy after Gabriel died. So I'm not assuming we'll have an easy time. It could very easily be 36+ when we get pregnant again, which would put another into the realm of longshot.

And maybe we'll never get pregnant again. We haven't got the funds to try invasive reproductive assistance if it came to that, so we'll see. For now, I'm just trying to enjoy Viv. DH doesn't even want to talk about timing until she is sleeping through a full night (adult night - she STTN baby-wise just fine). He hated the newborn period. He agrees he definitely wants to try again at least once, but not interested in discussion for awhile yet.

tarajayne · July 2012

Honestly I would love to have more, but we went through so much to get these 2, and the fact that I have 5 years of school ahead of me...it's highly unlikely to happen again. If it does it will be after I'm done with school and without fertility treatments though!

okayestmom12 · July 2012

We are 1 and done... for now. We've said we'll reevaluate in 2-3 years but we are both absolutely okay with just having 1 if that's all that's in the cards for us.

michellepeanut · July 2012

I'm already excited for the next cuddly baby. I had a great pregnancy and though we've had some fairly serious health trouble with our little Bella it wasn't genetic so I'd love to have another three.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Hmm i'd like to think one and done but DH feels differently... claims i swore we could have at least two. i must have been drunk or not listening cuz i have no recolection of this conversation...

oh well - we are 30 - so if there is a second we won't be trying for at least 2 more years. i would liek a 3 year gap plus i really need to get my body back in shape as i feel like absolute crap now and have 30 lbs to go.

krb03 · July 2012

I always wanted 3 & DH wanted 2. Our DS was born via induction at 39w due to my high blood pressure. He was such a good baby & we knew we didn't want just one. My pregnancy with DD went much better until about week 28 when I developed a rare auto-immune disease. It caused itchy bumps/blisters all over my body & I was on prednisone for about 3.5 months total-yuck!. She was born at 36w4d & stayed in the NICU just over a week. She is such a great baby too, but with my health issues, we are done. I thought I wanted more, and maybe I still would if I didn't have issues being pregnant, but we feel complete now.

hopefulmom81 · July 2012

DH and I were always between a singleton or two.

After 2 miscarriages before DD we were thrilled to just be having one. Then I had a rough last few weeks of pregnancy and a traumatic L&D.

I know in my heart I will never be pregnant again, and I feel really liberated with that feeling.

DD is enough for us.

bobbs420 · July 2012

DH and I both agree that we want one more. 2 boys and a girl would be perfect. However, if this next one is a boy, we are not trying again! 3 is my limit!

Want a personalized experience?

Still One and Done? (or 2 and through...3 and Free...4 no more)

Re: Still One and Done? (or 2 and through...3 and Free...4 no more)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards