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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Jenn61910
member
Bridesmaid with 4 month old
Jenn61910
member
Hello! I am currently pregnant and expecting my first child in October. I thought you ladies would have the best advice regarding my situation since my son will be around 4 months at the time of the wedding.
I am a bridesmaid in my friends wedding and plan on EB. I am wondering how difficult this could be on the wedding day with all of the commitments of a bridesmaid. My husband will be there to look after our son, however I am wondering if having to constantly sneak away to BF will be too much. I do not plan on pumping so that is not an option. Do you ladies think this will be too difficult? I know all my attention should be on the bride, and I know that with BF a 4 month old it won't be. The bride offered me the option of bowing out and I'm wondering if I should or not.
Any advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated. After all, you ladies know how time consuming taking care of a baby is. TIA!
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Re: Bridesmaid with 4 month old
Not pumping and needing to feed your baby on command, yes I think it would be extremely difficult. You will also have a hard time getting away as being in a wedding is stressful. What if your son needs to be fed during pictures? Pictures take a long time. I have been in three weddings and every time I was starving, waiting to be done with everything, didn't have time to even pee or grab a snack until after all the shananigans were over.
I was just in my friends wedding, my son was 1 month old and was at home with my husband, I wasn't able to exclusively breastfeed due to lack of supply so I brought my pump and tried to pump every chance I got (which was like none) and so my boobs hurt and I ended up loosing even more supply- I was miserable. Weddings are stressful, even if you have a laid back bride, there's so much to do even just trying to get ready- you could have an idea that you can take care of yourself too but it becomes really hard.
I would back out.
(The only way I was even able to be in my friends wedding was because my son was born two weeks early, and I was already having to supplement with formula. And she let me tell her last minute if I could be in it or not. We all wore different dresses, so I just went out and bought one when my son was 3 weeks old. The reason I really wanted to be in her wedding was because she was moving to another state and she is my best friend. If I could go back and do it again though, I would have chosen to back out.)
If you are willing to pump then I'd think it's possible but since your not, it will have to be a very low key wedding and they would have to be very flexible.
I have pumped in the car a bunch of times to keep my supply up but you never know what obligations you might have when your baby is hungry (like pictures or standing up during the ceremony)
I would consider what the brides is like. If she is one who will definitely want you to be there to wait on her every whim and has 8,000 activities planned for before the wedding, then I might bow out. On the other hand, if she is laid back and willing to do without you for a few moments every once in a while I think you'll be ok.
DD is 4.5 months old now and I feed her every 2-3 hours but she has gotten much faster at nursing so it generally takes 10-15 minutes at this point (it took 30min-1 hour at first...). I haven't been a bridesmaid since having DD, but looking back on the weddings I was in before she was born I would definitely have been able to nurse her and still be a part of the festivities. There was a lot of waiting around! Of course, all of my friends are fairly laid back and none had insane expectations of the bridesmaids.
By four months, if you feed him directly before the ceremony, he should be good through pictures. Even if he gets hungry during pictures, steal away for a couple of minutes while pictures of the bride and groom are being taken, or of the family, or of the groom's side. I'm sure the photographer can work it so you have a small stretch without needing to be in pictures!
But do whatever feels comfortable to you. If you're going to be stressing out about it until the wedding, back out now. But if you really want to be in the wedding, I'd say go for it. GL!
I did it last month, and it was manageable but definitely a bit more stressful than doing it without a four-month-old. It was my brother's wedding, so I didn't really feel right telling my future SIL that I wouldn't be a bridesmaid. The getting ready part was a little difficult, because my husband ended up having to follow me to the salon. He had planned to keep our son in the hotel room, but DS had a little fit, so he just packed him up and brought him to the salon, and I nursed him when my hair was done. DS won't take a bottle, so while I would've loved to have had that as an option, it wasn't. Before the wedding started, I felt a bit overwhelmed, but I fed my son about half an hour before the ceremony, and everything worked out fine.The actual wedding, pictures and reception were really not much of a problem. At four months, most babies are pretty interested in what's going on around them, so DS had a lot to look at and was pretty calm. He fell asleep at the end of the ceremony and is asleep in all of the family wedding pictures.
Having said that, I wouldn't do it if it wasn't someone I was really close to. My SIL understood that I couldn't "focus on her" all day, and since we live in another state, I also wasn't expected to help with the bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. If she'd been a demanding bride or had expected me to do a lot, it might not have worked out.
Random tip - when you try your dress on and/or get alterations, make sure you have rooms for your boobs to expand!!! When I tried my dress on two weeks before the wedding, it fit perfectly, so I figured I didn't need alterations. What didn't occur to me was that I had tried it on right after nursing my son. On the day of the wedding, I put on the dress, and it would not zip. At all. Three people were trying to zip it, and they could not get the zipper to budge a good six inches from the top of the dress. I had my hair up, so I was in a huge panic, because I couldn't hide it, it was super obvious, and since I needed to be able to pull the top down to nurse my son, sewing me into it wasn't an option. A half hour before the wedding, it still wasn't zipped. Then I nursed my son... and the zipper went up with no problems. I had NO idea that it would make that much of a difference! So if you decide to be in the wedding, try on your dress when your boobs are full!
Emerson Kate born 4/6/12, 5 lbs. 13 oz. 18 3/4 inches.
Happily expecting Baby Mac #2 around 4/13/14
It's certainly doable, but will be far, far harder if you're not willing to pump on that day or ever give your baby a bottle. The simple logistics of nursing in most bridesmaid dresses are tough - with a lot of them, you'd need to almost completely take it off to access your boobs. It also really depends on what kind of baby you have - with my son, he'd be fine with it, and I'd just have to try to time nursing sessions around the events of the wedding, so that he wasn't NEEDING to nurse during the ceremony or photos or something, and he only takes 10 mins to nurse too.
I'm in a wedding in a few months and both kids are going to my in-laws the ENTIRE weekend and I can't wait
It's definitely worth it for me to be able to just focus on the wedding and have fun and not have to worry about my kids, but he'll also be 7 months old at that point. I was maid of honor at my sister's wedding when my daughter was about 11 months old, and I just had to pump once or twice during the day - I'll have to pump a few more times now, but I'm lucky to have an oversupply, so I'm not worried about needing to pump the exact number of times my son would be nursing.
Thank you all for your advice so far. A few of you mentioned it depends on whether or not the bride is laid back. I'm thinking I may bow out since the bride has turned into quite the bridezilla. (I still love her dearly though.) I just don't want to be the one that ruins something on her day. She says she's ok with with my attention not being 100% on her, however, I feel like when the time comes, she won't be so understanding.
She already got mad at me because she was going with the other bridesmaids to pick out dresses in October and I said I couldn't make it....my EDD is October 3rd and the dress shop is an hour from my house. (Long car rides kill my back now.) It was after I told her I couldn't go in October that she asked if I still wanted to be in the wedding.
Previously she told me we would order my dress in December and now she's not ok with that. She wants it done sooner. She is also telling her guests what to wear. Example: her future uncle-in-law's family has to rent tuxes and all wear a specific color tie and vest that matches the color of the females dresses in that family. Then her aunt-in-law's family has to do the same but is given a different color.
The attire demands she is placing on her guests, along with her telling me she is ok with something one week, then not ok with it the next is making me wonder if she will get mad at me on her wedding day for tending to my son. I do not want to upset her on her wedding day, so I think it's best I bow out.
Thank you all again for your input. It really helped to have unbiased advice. Enjoy your babies!!!
I just saw a bridesmaid do this today with what looked to be a 6-8 week old. I think she BFs too cause she disappeared for a while during the reception. Her baby slept through most of it and it looks like grandma was there during the ceremony to hold the baby and take care of it.
I think it's doable assuming you WANT to do it.
I don't want to pump because the act of breastfeeding itself just appeals to me. Maybe it's the bonding. I don't really have an answer I can put into words. It's just something I was adament about doing since I found out I was pregnant. I do know things don't always go according to plan, so I am prepared to pump if I have to, but I'd just rather not.
I remember your post about this I think. Yeah PPs said its doable, which it probably definitely is with a 4 month old pumping or not, but bride sounds kindaaaa biitchy right now. I'd bow out. You don't want that stress. And personally, I know I would probably have some feelings of guilty and anxiety the whole day just worrying about my son and knowing I'm putting this bride's needs at such a high priority. I wouldn't want to worry about it. She has other bridesmaids who can take that task..:)
But for one day? I think it'd be worth it to give your baby a few bottles here and there so that you know your baby will take a bottle so you can pump on that day. I think if you're adamant about not pumping then that day will be pretty hectic. I would either pump & be a bridesmaid or bow out.
I agree. The bonding is great-- but for one day, I would consider a little hand held pump. You can always use it for other unexpected situations so its not a one time use purchase.
Personally I find this situation to be totally doable, but most of my friends are not as you described your friend/the bride to be.
I also don't BF totally on command. We follow Babywise, so I could easily predict when my baby would need to be nursed and when I could be away. This would make it much easier to plan your day and when your H should be there with the baby. (However, the back up plan would be pumped milk in a bottle.... So now we are back where we started!)