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Baby Showers
TiaS16
member
Should I be annoyed? (rant)
TiaS16
member
in Baby Showers
Let's start with the fact that I'm 17 weeks pregnant and this may just be hormones.
June 30th we had a baby shower for my little sister. It was for her second child, a girl this time, in two years and despite my contempt for this whole plan I helped. I helped the the tune of $600 between decor, food, gifts (my mother is the queen of guilt trips). Never mind that mother invited 75 people, thankfully (for my sanity) only about 20 showed up, but 3...yes THREE women RSVPed. That's a whole other set of WTF?!? But to the point...
Its July 20th, and not only has my 22 yr old siste not sent out thank you cards, she has no intentions of it. Maybe only 20 showed up, but MANY sent gifts, the kid went home loaded down. And she doesn't see the need of thank you cards, she verbally thanked everyon that was there...and I think called our grandmother who couldn't make it to verbally thank her.
I am very annoyed and damnit, I think people should get a freaking thank you card. The dollar store has cute ones if your broke, I mean come on!!
Ok I'm done...thanks
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Should I be annoyed? (rant)
Holy, shiit you spent $600 for her shower?! Wowza! I have thrown four baby showers and I have not spent $600 TOTAL! Your sister is lucky to have you!
But to answer your question, yes, you should be annoyed. Thank you cards do NOT take that long to write and are not expensive at all.
This.
Also, if your mom is the queen of guilt trips why is she not hounding your sister into sending out thank you notes. Does she have poor etiquette as well? Didn't your sister learn she needed to send thank you's to people like when she got gifts mailed to her, or her graduation, or her wedding, etc? Can't remember but did you say this was not her first child? Perhaps the reason she got such a low turn-out (20 out of 75 invites is very low) is because she never sent thank you's for her last shower.
If she has no intention of sending out thank you notes for sure - shame on her. That is completely unacceptable. The fact that the shower was June 30th and she hasn't sent them yet is not. 3 weeks ago isn't too long to have not sent them out - yet. It's great if you can get them out in a week or two, but I don't think 3-4 weeks is out of the norm for thank you notes.
I would tell her - or have your guilt tripping mom tell her - that she needs to send out thank you notes. She still has time to get them out and people won't think any less of her. Well, except you, but you know the real story, her other guests won't.
Yeah, I'd be annoyed, too, but I don't think I'd be breathing fire over it. Granted, I definitely am not privy to everything that goes on between you, your sister, and your mother, so I'm only going on what you've posted.
Do I think it's rude of her not to send out thank yous? Absolutely; verbal thank yous, while nice, are not the same. Do I think it's rude that she's not even bothering to thank the guests that weren't there but still sent gifts? Unbelievably so. But it's not something I'd get my panties all in a twist over.
Having said that, I most definitely would not bother going out of my way doing things for her again. Regardless of how much my mother nagged at me.
She sounds like a real peach...
But, $600!?!?!?
Wow. I'm a big fan of Thank You notes. I sent them for my wedding shower, my wedding, I sent one to a wedding guest that I knew couldn't afford a gift so I thanked them for coming. I even sent notes out to my personal friends that came to FIL's wake last year. I've had a few instances of not receiving TY notes for wedding gifts, and it does bother me that they couldn't take the time to send one.
I also plan on teaching my kids at a young age about gratitude, which will eventually include TY notes when they're able to understand the concept.
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.
That's pretty awful. But she is an adult, so I don't think you or especially your mom should be "reminding" her about them at all--your mom isn't responsible for the actions of an adult. My stepmom asked me if I had sent mine out and I tried to nicely tell her that it was up to me to handle those and I did not require a babysitter to ensure that I finished my homework (she knew I had the cards, I had ones that matched the invites because that's just how I am). This was almost two weeks after my shower. The cards were in the mail exactly two weeks after the shower.
It was the same after our wedding. We moved 5 hours away literally two days after getting married, and then two days after getting into our new apartment, nothing was unpacked and I came down with horrific food poisoning thanks to move-in-night pizza (guess where we haven't eaten again!) so it was what I consider a long time before we got our thanks yous out for the wedding--about a month and a half. Before they went out my stepmom told me she was getting complaints from people for not getting thank yous from us. I said she could feel free to let me know who it was that had assumed that she was responsible for the actions of a grown adult, but that it was simply inappropriate for anyone to be basically asking my mommy if I was going to do something; like she would actually know, anyway. I was 22 and hadn't lived with my parents in the previous 4 years.
Once you are an adult, your questionable actions reflect poorly upon you and you alone, not your parents or family; it's a bit different if you're talking about a 10 year old and birthday party thank yous. If any attendees look down on you or your mom for your sister's lack of consideration, then they themselves have issues to deal with. I doubt they will attribute the absence if a card to anything the hosts have control over. It is very sucky of her to not send cards and you have every right to be extremely annoyed by it. It's just an easy way to know that you should never do anything with this magnitude of niceness for her again.
I was appalled with myself for getting the thank yous for my second shower out a month after the fact but I know realistically a month isn't terrible. I just like to get things out sooner, unless of course I get extremely sick all of a sudden. Some people don't send them until after the baby is born, but my showers were at 27 and 28 weeks, so I think that would be inexcusable. I also wouldn't want to count on having the time to write them once I have an infant to take care of.
blog! thescenery.net
It's nice to know I'm not just a hormonal idiot.
To answer some questions...no she didn't send them out for her first shower. She did send them out for her bridal shower, because I ordered them for her and had address labels printed. I guess I could have done that this time, but I didn't want to.
My mother has a serious double standard when it comes to my sister and I... I'm the oldest and was/am expected to do things a specific way or there is hell to pay.
My sister is the baby...in fact she is my mothers miracle child as she almost died having her at 30 weeks. And my sister basically gets away with murder when it comes to my mother.
And I'll say - I think the fact that only 20 out of 75 people came speaks volumes. Probably about the fact that it's a 2nd shower in 2 years, that SO many people were invited, and I wouldn't be surprised that it's also specifically about your sister too. I doubt this is the first time she's been this crass.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This. I think if a gift is "required" so should a thank you note.