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frustrated and confused vent!?
Ok so I have posted before about the soon to be father of my child. Well we were not together and we got a surprise. He has been to 1 of my 4 doc appointments and I am 19 weeks 6 days. He was to the first one because "he needed to make sure there was a baby there"- to confirm for his mother. Well he doesnt ask me how they go or anything except last weeks. He didnt even try to get off work or switch shifts becuase he had a meeting for one of his hobbies... I had a u/s and they did the mesurements and we were supposed to find out what it was. (thinking girl) I was stunned because its kind of an important appointment and his social life and hobbies are more important. he texted me 3 days later asking how it went, I told him I need to go back for another u/s becuase they didnt get all the measurements because of how the baby was laying... all he said was "ah ic"- end of conversation.. He didnt ask if we found out what it was or even ask when I need to go back. I am confused because he says he wants to be there for all the appointments and wants 50/50 (because he cant afford child support) and I dont trust him and he hasnt proven anything to me except he cant grow up and his life is more important than his childs.. I am thinking that i dont want to be part of it - only because he is not ready and refuses to grow up- at the same time I want to give him a chance , But i dont trust him or who he will hand the child off too when he just decides to go out or whatever... he is not a planner and makes last min decisious unless its his hobbies..which he will not interfere with. Am I being selfish that i dont want to invite him or his family to the baby shower or even for delivery?? things may change but I am half way through and I have previous health issues and he doesnt seem to much care. The only thing he is worried about is "cant afford child support" Idk how to take this... I feel like he is more worried about losing his hobbies and money more than raising a child. Im scared and I am just not sure how to take this. please help?? sorry for the rant its been a long 4 1/2 months lol. Keeping my head up tho!
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Re: frustrated and confused vent!?
You don't have to include him, or his family, in any part of your pregnancy. That includes labor, delivery and recovery. However, once you're home, you should at least give him the chance to come over a couple of hours a week. if he wants more than that, he'll have to pursue a paternity suit against himself. Which means child support. Child support == visitation, but paternity DOES.
If he can't afford child support, he can't affordthe thousands a custody suit costs. My paternity suit was 2300 up front. We haven't even gotten into child support, access or custody. Yeah... That's an empty threat. Call him on it.
Ditto to what PP said, don't include his family. Why would you even do that? Not worth the stress.
And CS and visitation are two seperate issues. At least in my state. You can not pay CS but that doesn't mean you don't get visitation. And that court shiit gets expensive
As I said to someone else's post on here earlier, if he wants to be involved he will. Don't waste your time or energy going after him.
Don't invite him to appts or the hospital. Invite people that make you happy. notify him as soon as the baby is born. File for child support as soon as the child is born. As far as his involvement it's a crapshoot of what will happen until your lo is here. So focus on being pg and setting up a life for you and your lo.