Having heart palpatations after an email about a get-together(long)

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

Ugh... I have 4 girlfriends from college. I don't see any of them on a regular basis in the past few years. In fact, I haven't seen them since my wedding 2 yrs ago. One even lives in my town.. Anyway, I just got an email from one of them to the 4 of us saying "oh we should all schedule a group get-together to catch up"...

My heart is just pounding. I can't do it. Two of them have 3 kids each, one has 2 kids and the last just had a baby in May (born 1 yr from when she got married, no problems at 38, pg like 2 months after getting married and they weren't even living in the same state...) All of these kids are little. One has a set of twin girls and I'm guessing she used clomid and I would go ballistic if she said she knew what I was going through.. One does have a special needs son- some type of chromosomal issue.

The one asking about the get-together has no idea of my troubles. I know that all these people will talk about is their kids. I cannot sit through that. Do I just come out and say I am not up for it under the circumstances?? I want to puke just thinking of this gathering.

rockpaperlove · July 2012

That does sound really miserable. I certainly don't blame you for wanting an out.

Could you email the girl who sent out the idea and tell her something short and sweet like...I would love to catch up, but (insert DH name here) and I are dealing with some reproductive dilemmas and it would be difficult to brave the crowd of new mommies. I hope you understand and I will be in touch as soon as we get our bearings on a this medical situation. All my best! (insert McIrish first name here)

Or, if you think the girls will not be understanding of your situation...wait to hear them out on a date and come up with an excuse to exit stage right so to speak instead of falling head first into a disaster full of baby photos and coos and ahhs.

Good luck my dear. Hugs.

rockpaperlove · July 2012

On second thought...

I just don't think people get it unless they know the day to day details and you certainly don't want to go into all the heart wrenching details via email with a blast from two years past.

I would find an excuse and leave the details to yourself and/or those who know and understand and empathize with your daily battle.

New mommies are on a cloud nine...they just may not empathize.

reb259 · July 2012

That's a tough one...but it does sound miserable. I personally would not go an just leave it at that. I would wait until a date had been confirmed and say something came up and you can't do it but looking forward to next time!!

Sorry girl...another reason IF sucks, can't even live life and do what you normally would do.

hugs!

Mrkyrain · July 2012

This was never my style previous to IF but I got to the point that I had no problem lying in these situations. You have to protect yourself. Wait for them to set a date and then just say something like... I am so sorry. I would love to see you all soon but unfortunately ___________ has come up and I can't make this one. Have a great time.

LaLe09 · July 2012

Mrkyrain:
This was never my style previous to IF but I got to the point that I had no problem lying in these situations. You have to protect yourself. Wait for them to set a date and then just say something like... I am so sorry. I would love to see you all soon but unfortunately ___________ has come up and I can't make this one. Have a great time.

agreed! i'm having heart palpitations for you. Sounds awful.

Trippleb · July 2012

LaLe09:

Mrkyrain:
This was never my style previous to IF but I got to the point that I had no problem lying in these situations. You have to protect yourself. Wait for them to set a date and then just say something like... I am so sorry. I would love to see you all soon but unfortunately ___________ has come up and I can't make this one. Have a great time.

agreed! i'm having heart palpitations for you. Sounds awful.

This exactly.

Gregermis · July 2012

Find an excuse... That doesn't sound fun at all

lynn0926 · July 2012

Mrkyrain:
This was never my style previous to IF but I got to the point that I had no problem lying in these situations. You have to protect yourself. Wait for them to set a date and then just say something like... I am so sorry. I would love to see you all soon but unfortunately ___________ has come up and I can't make this one. Have a great time.

This! I have heart palpatations for you!

ForTheLoveOf Pink · July 2012

I agree....avoid it! If you did consider telling one of them or even all of them abt your struggles the whole night would turn into an avdice session and they would most certainly say something totally insensitive....not on purpose, but it always happens.

A bunch of ladies will 100% talk about their precious babies....just another thing that IF takes away from us!!!!

PurpleIris30 · July 2012

Trippleb:
LaLe09:

Mrkyrain:
This was never my style previous to IF but I got to the point that I had no problem lying in these situations. You have to protect yourself. Wait for them to set a date and then just say something like... I am so sorry. I would love to see you all soon but unfortunately ___________ has come up and I can't make this one. Have a great time.

agreed! i'm having heart palpitations for you. Sounds awful.

This exactly.

This is what I would do, too. I'm sorry.

PrettyAccountant · July 2012

Ugh - that is the reason I wouldn't go to any of DH family functions. Honestly, i would say sure, that sounds great! Set the date and cancel because something came up. If you say something from the beginning, they may try to accommodate you with a different date.

Sorry you even have to be out in that position.

katt3233 · July 2012

Gregermis:
Find an excuse... That doesn't sound fun at all

amethystgrrl · July 2012

Gregermis:
Find an excuse... That doesn't sound fun at all

Agreed.

joules12 · July 2012

katt3233:
Gregermis:
Find an excuse... That doesn't sound fun at all

Completely agreed! I never thought I'd be doing this sort of thing, but it's become the norm for me the past few years.

Jlynn3 · July 2012

katt3233:
Gregermis:
Find an excuse... That doesn't sound fun at all

Yup

IF sucks

Big (((hugs)))

Mitzi Bishi · July 2012

I agree with the other responses of going along with the plan and then backing out last minute. I totally hate being thought of as unreliable, but honestly this is a situation where you have to be a bit selfish and protect yourself. If you really want to get together with one of them perhaps you can schedule going for a drink one night or something so you "made an effort".

Being put in the spot light about your family planning and being surrounded by children is dreadful. I think only an IF masochist would do that to themselves.

mtlaurel · July 2012

PrettyAccountant:
Ugh - that is the reason I wouldn't go to any of DH family functions. Honestly, i would say sure, that sounds great! Set the date and cancel because something came up. If you say something from the beginning, they may try to accommodate you with a different date.
Sorry you even have to be out in that position.

This is what I would do.

Bethany1026 · July 2012

I would definitely make up an excuse. Even if you did get into why you were missing the gathering...the questions about IVF etc would prob put you over the edge. When I do tell someone, they never quite understand infertility and the whole IVF process. GL!!

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