Should DH go home nights to DD1 while I'm in the hospital?

cindybaf · July 2012

Did anyone's DH do this? I'm having a c/s Tuesday and we are considering him just going home at night to stay with DD1 for various reasons. I should be home by Friday so this will be just for 3 nights. Someone(her nanny or grandparents) will be with DD1 from 8am until 8 or 9 pm every day. We are thinking of having DH go home then, and letting DD1 stay in her own crib/room to minimize changing her environment. The other option would be that she'd go stay overnight with grandma, but she's never done that before and I have a feeling it will really rock her routine as she is not over at grandma's much.

Any thoughts? maybe have DH stay with me in the hospital just the first night?

SuperThat1006 · July 2012

My husband went home the two nights I was there after delivering DS. He (obviously) stayed the night I was in labor.

He actually went home nights when I had DD, too. He just wasn't comfortable and they kept turning the room lights on every time it was time to try nursing. I figured he was no use to me exhausted and sent him home around 3 am the night after I had her.

ETA: Your LO is just one week older than mine.

juliane2004 · July 2012

Our hospital policy doesn't allow anyone (not even DH) past 11 pm, so he has no choice to go home.

traveling turtle · July 2012

My H is going to be home with our son after labor. I think at that point, my son will need him more than I will. Plus, we don't have family near us.

celiabwatson · July 2012

Even with our first my husband slept at home every night after the first one (born at 9:40, not in the recovery room etc until almost midnight). He just couldn't sleep in the hospital and he's exhausted after birth. It's pretty hilarious actually. In both births he slept A LOT right after. I make fun of him but I also understand that it can be stressful for him and he doesn't have the benefit of hormones.

Another thought, would grandma be willing to stay over at your house for a night or two? Maybe if you're in labor overnight it would be easier for her to stay with your daughter at your house vs. her house. Then after a night or two your husband can be available.

jf198400 · July 2012

I didn't have a c-section but I still felt like I needed DH with me at night. My DD stayed over at grandparents house for 2nights and had a great time! If you are worried about messing with her environment could grandma come stay with her at your house?

sweetpea2003 · July 2012

Can grandma stay at your house so that your DD has her own room? That is what my mom did.

My husband stayed with me in the hospital. Granted, it was only one night. But we felt like that first night of feedings, changes, and cuddles was very important. We felt like our new baby deserved that undivided attention.

funkyfrog · July 2012

The first night he stayed with me and my mom stayed at my house with #1. The second day, he went to get #1 late afternoon to see us, and then he went home with her and stayed home with her. I needed him the first night - and he wanted to be with #2 as well.

Rocklandholly · July 2012

I just read an aritcle about what people in the "business" do and it said their husbands all go home at night to get a good nights sleep b/c how great of a sleep can you get in a hospital pull out chair/bed. You need one person not exhausted when you bring the baby home, especailly when you have other kids. We had planned on my husband going home before I read this to give DS some consistancy b/c I think his world will be rocked when he is not getting all the attention.

caymanbride · July 2012

My husband has never slept in the hospital with me, and I'm having my 3rd c/s in 3 weeks. He went home to be with our dog for the first baby, and our son with the second baby. This time, he'll need to be home at night for both our boys. I'm fine with it -- after the c/s, all the visitors, etc..., I like being alone in the hospital with the baby sometimes and for both of us to get a good night's sleep. I feel better knowing he's home with our kids, and I don't really NEED him with me, kwim?

nc@hotmail.com · July 2012

Our plan as of now is DH will drop DD off at MIL's house (both of us reluctant to do this because MIL is batshlit crazy, but we have no other option), drive the 45 min to hospital to be with me during the day, drive back to pick up DD and MIL (we wont let DD ride in a car MIL is driving) in the afternoon and bring them up to the hospital for a brief visit, they all leave and go eat dinner together and DH goes home with DD to have a normal night leaving me alone a good bit of time, but you do what you have to I guess? I'm praying for a VBAC so the hospital time (and this schedule) is minimized and so that I'm not limited physically like I would be if I have to do a RCS. It's times like these I wish my family weren't 8 hours away!

melandjudd · July 2012

I don't think that I would want to be alone after my c/s for the first 2 nights since it was so hard to get in and out of bed and I didn't want to bother the nurses to come help me with DD. With our next LO DD will be staying at our house with either MIL or my mom. Last time DH went home and slept during the day and someone came and stayed with me at the hospital.

MammaBear81 · July 2012

DH stayed a few hours after I delivered and then went home. He stopped by for a few hours the next day, and then picked me up to bring me home. I don't see a reason for DH to stay at the hospital all day or all night (but I didn't have a csection so maybe that's different?) The baby slept 99% of the time, and it was nice for me to get sleep too.

freeatlast2014 · July 2012

If I can't VBAC I'll be a RCS (RCS seems most likely at this point) so our plan is for DH to sleep with me the first night and my mom will stay at my house with DS1. Then nights #2 and #3 DH will be home with DS1.

In fact, it's almost a necessity to have DH there for the first night because if I'm not up and walking they won't leave LO alone with me. I'm guessing I'll need a nurse the entire time I nurse then? Not sure but just a guess on that one - but I do remember last time they thought no one was there (my mom was in the bathroom) and they almost went nuts on me!

DS1 has never slept out either and I'm not completely comfortable with him doing this. Not to mention, he's so comfortable at home as it is so it's the most fair thing to do IMO.

cindybaf · July 2012

Thanks everyone for all the great responses. Right now my mom has agreed to stay the night on Tuesday if DH needs to stay with me. We'll plan on him coming home for sure Wed/Thurs nights. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and I"ll be back home on Friday. A few people have told me RCS seem to be better than their first CS recovery wise, so I'm really hoping it's not as bad as with LO!

Mom2Mack1 · July 2012

DH didn't stay over when I had DD & he won't this time either. He needs to take care of the dog, and maybe DD. I'm not sure yet what I'm doing with DD but I'm leaning towards just having someone watch her during the day. Then he can pick her up so she can sleep at home. She doesn't sleep well away from home and that is a stress I don't want to put on anyone. He usually comes to the hospital mid-morning and leaves around dinner time. Worked out fine last time.

mayowife · July 2012

DH stayed with me the entire time for both of my c/s and we hope he will be able to a third time as well.

When DD was born DS slept over my parents house. We made sure to schedule sleep overs prior to DD's arrival so that he would be comfortable there. My parents had to work two days that I was in the hospital, so MIL babysat him at our house during the day those two days. This time around we're hoping to have my parents stay at our house. It just seems easier to watch two toddlers in their own home / cribs.

I see that you have a plan for your H to stay with you one night. I was just going to suggest that you either schedule times for your LO to have a few sleep overs before your LO#2's arrival or have someone stay at your house with her.

RCS are generally easier in terms of recovery. However, it's still major surgery and I preferred having help overnight.

sandraxtina · July 2012

We initially planned to have my DH stay the first night and go home the second night alone so he could get some good sleep and leave DS1 with my mom. I ended up going into labor in the afternoon and not having DS2 until 3:25am so technically it turned into a 3 night stay. We decided it was best for DH to go home and stay with DS1 since he sleeps best in his own crib and to not disrupt his routine. It was definitely the best decision. Since it was my 2nd time having a baby, I was OK with staying alone at the hospital and to be honest, enjoyed the quiet one-on-one time with my newest bundle

spunkyprincessmande · July 2012

My h stayed with me at the hospital. Really, that's the only time we would ever get just the three of us so I wanted him there. Plus, a friend pointed out that it's actually probably harder for the toddler when dad is only there at night (at bedtime...while he's sleeping) and then leaves during the day to go be with baby rather than play with me. Our son came to the hospital to visit once a day (I actually went home the day after he was born so it was just two visits) and he was fine leaving because he was with Oma and was going to get McDonald's so that was way more fun!

unabellavita2010 · July 2012

It is really early for us to decide, but we have already started thinking about what we want to do. My LO will only be just over a year old when the baby is born so he isn't even allowed in the hospital. Our plan (as of right now) is for my parents to drive to our place and stay with our son while I am in the hospital. My DH will spend the night with me in the hospital but take time during the day to see our son while my parents come to the hospital to see the new baby. BTW--I am assuming that I will have to have a RCS. Hubby doesn't sleep well in the hospital but he will probably nap during the day with our son. My parents could also take turns coming to see the baby if hubby just wanted to sleep away the day.

dmfan897 · July 2012

I am making DH stay home with the kids. He *really* wanted to stay overnight at the hospital when DD2 was born and he was sooo tired from my longazz labor that he passed out cold on the couch, snoring all night while I took care of the baby. It would have better if he hadn't been there LoL!

cfitz16 · July 2012

Yes.

PinkPeony6210 · July 2012

Yes.

stdldb29 · July 2012

Our DS stayed with his babysitter while I was in the hospital, he spent the night with her as well. DH never came home to him. He was fine without us and that was the first time he every stayed away from us.

HawaiiLover · July 2012

My husband didn't stay nights with me for our daughter and he will be home nights when our son comes. We figure no reason for both of us to get poor night sleeps

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