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TTC After a Loss
HopingforChange
member
~*~Bible Study Check In~*~
HopingforChange
member
This is an open check-in for an AL-ers interested in a weekly Bible study and daily check-ins. If you're new, just hop in and let me know if you'd like to be paired up with a prayer partner. I'll get you one as soon as I can.
Prayer partners
- hopingforchange & kklamb
- smootiepie & chlobub
- dillngr9 & bethelgal42
- Jenn0021 & blessedhope
- minicheezburg & MrsErinH
prayer concerns: use this space to let your prayer partner know how to pray for you or let her know she has a pm
VOTD: 1 Samuel 1:11 And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.
Feel free to respond.
QOTD: Jenn's comment on yesterday's verse got me thinking: how often do we take our sadness about loss and living without kids directly to God? Hannah was so into her prayer that Eli thought she must be drunk. Of course, she wasn't. She was just that deep in conversation with God. I know that I don't always want to talk to God about my losses, maybe because I am still a little mad at Him.
My question is: Do you trust God with the fear and grief you feel around loss/IF? Do you routinely pour out your heart to Him as Hannah did? How can we all do better and make time to talk to and trust in God?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: ~*~Bible Study Check In~*~
prayer concerns: AF arrived yesterday and so I feel worse than normal. Which is always lots of fun. I just want to make it through the work day, I can't take any more sick days if at all possible.
VOTD: 1 Samuel 1:11 And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.
I can't believe the faith of Hannah. I honestly don't know if I would be able to give my child back to God after longing for one for so long. Once I had the baby, I would want to keep it. I really admire her strength and faithfulness to God.
QOTD: My question is: Do you trust God with the fear and grief you feel around loss/IF? Do you routinely pour out your heart to Him as Hannah did? How can we all do better and make time to talk to and trust in God?
No. I really struggle with this. Some days I do okay and trust God and believe that he has a plan for me but other days I'm angry that he let my babies die. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and it didn't change a thing. I very rarely pour out my heart to God. I need to work on this, to talk to him more and trust him with my life. I am not in control, no matter how much I want to be.
BFP #1 07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
TTA for 7 months
Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
TTC Again May 2014
Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles - All BFN's
SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results
Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
My Blog: The Canadian Housewife PGAL/PAL Welcome My Chart
Prayer Concerns: Today is ex-BFF's birthday (the pg one). I feel terrible for saying this, but I'm so relieved that DH and I had already made plans for later tonight, but we are still planning on going to dinner with them. I feel like my mindset lately anytime I know I'll be hanging out with her has been extremely negative, so prayers for a positive outlook (and of course, that I'll make it through dinner!).
VOTD: A pray a version of this prayer a lot (although without the head shaving part!). I grew up without religion in my life, so I've always told DH our kids WILL be going to church. Finding this verse was like putting the perfect words right into my mouth for me.
QOTD: Ironically, my friend that brought me to faith in college said the best thing to me a few weeks ago when I was updating her on all the bad IF news we've gotten recently. "Have you talked to God about all this? Even if it's to tell him how mad you are at Him?" Honestly, I hadn't. I always think about my time with God as praising Him for the blessings and praying that I find understanding in everything He puts into my life. Never once had I thought to tell Him how I'm actually feeling about the TTCAL and IF journey He's putting me through. It's really hard sometimes, especially because I know He knows what's best for me, but it feels really good to tell Him what's on my heart.
I don't have a prayer partner yet but I have my HSG on Monday and could use some prayers that my right tube is all clear.
Regarding the QOTD:
I wouldn't say that I get angry at Him, just confused and wish that I had more understanding of His plan and reasons. When I look at seemingly "less deserving" women who have a perfectly easy time becoming and staying pregnant time and time again, while I am left struggling, I just wonder why. Why them and not me? Where is the reason in that? I don't doubt that there is one, but I just wish it would be shown to me.
I also wonder, when people say that they believe in the power of prayer... well, if what is being prayed for is not part of God's plan, then all the prayers in the world aren't going to change it. And if that's the case, then what's the point of asking for things to go a certain way?
So again, I guess I basically just wish I had understanding.
Tyler (10/29/08)
and Lily (4/21/13)
Prayer Concerns: The people of Aurora & Littleton. I can't imagine what fresh agony this has brought to those who lost children in the Columbine shooting.
On a personal note, still waiting on AF. I've been pretty regular all of my life and I hope that it stays true after the m/c. So, we're almost there and I'm really hoping AF shows up.
VOTD: There are many people in the Bible that I wish I had faith like theirs. Unfortunately, I'm much more like the father referenced in Matthew crying out to God to overcome his unbelief. This verse also makes me think of how we bargain with God. If only You let this happen, I'll do this...a dangerous mindset and not at all how God works.
QOTD: I have days when I'm angry with God. Why did we have a loss on top of a child who has a chronic illness? Shouldn't we get a healthy baby now - not a loss? We are already fighting so much, why this too? But one of the women in my church always reminds me that we should as Why not me instead of why me.
As we've walked this road of CF, I've found that I've had many opportunities to witness to people through our struggle and that continues. I was praying this morning on my way to work that God would give me the strength to walk this walk He has chosen for me and not one I would have chosen for myself.
We never know what God is preparing us for or who is preparing us to minister to.
On that, one of my favorite songs right now is "Already There" by Casting Crowns. It talks about the difference between how we see things and how God sees things and how no matter what happens, He's already there.
Lots of prayers for my fellow TTCALers!
prayer concerns: Work is crazy, and I made a mistake that we are going to have to fix next week. It was sort of serious. It will get resolved, and my boss was so gentle about it (I am lucky to work for a devoted Christian guy who is, most of the time, a good example for work/life balance), but the whole incident has really kicked up my anxiety.
VOTD: 1 Samuel 1:11 And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.
Hannah has so much faith and intensity. I just can't imagine longing for a child all those years and then giving him up. That's intense, but God honored her for it.
QOTD: Jenn's comment on yesterday's verse got me thinking: how often do we take our sadness about loss and living without kids directly to God? Hannah was so into her prayer that Eli thought she must be drunk. Of course, she wasn't. She was just that deep in conversation with God. I know that I don't always want to talk to God about my losses, maybe because I am still a little mad at Him.
My question is: Do you trust God with the fear and grief you feel around loss/IF? Do you routinely pour out your heart to Him as Hannah did? How can we all do better and make time to talk to and trust in God?
As I said, no, I don't often talk to God about how I am feeling because I am angry with Him, and it's hard to talk to someone you're angry with about your deepest vulnerabilities. I hate feeling this way, but I know from experience that it will pass. It did with the first loss, anyway. Bethel, thank you for the reminder that God can handle our anger. I think that to do better going forward, I need to accept that it's okay to be mad and that that emotion doesn't change my relationship with God or make it so that He doesn't want to hear from me. Time helps too.
Sunshine, I'll be praying for good results from your HSG.
Sunshine, add me to the list, I'll be praying for you!
Thanks ladies!!
Tyler (10/29/08)
and Lily (4/21/13)