A Chivalry Question

JMC11511 · July 2012

So I posed this question on my FB and I thought I'd ask it here too.

I went to the craft store with LO today. He fell asleep on the way home. Instead of waking him up to carry him in, I decided to just carry him in his carseat into the house with my stuff from the craft store. I was carrying LO, the diaper bag across my chest, and a large piece of posterboard. We live in an upstairs condo. So I have to park my car in my spot and then walk to my building and upstairs. It's not THAT far, but when you're carrying all of that in the heat, it feels like a lot.

Anyway, there were 3 men standing near the bottom of our staircase drinking beer. I have seen them before, although I couldn't tell you whether they actually live in the complex. They may just be friends of the people who live below us. Anyway, as I approached they stopped their conversation and just watched me struggle up the stairs. It occurred to me that a gentleman would have offered to help carry something up the stairs. Granted, I would not have let them carry LO in his car seat, but I would have been grateful for help carrying the posterboard up to my porch. Once on the porch I would have politely thanked them, waited for them to get off my porch and then opened my door and gone inside. People on my FB seem to have mixed feelings on this. I'm wondering what you guys think? Would it have been polite for them to offer to help? Would I have been foolish to accept their offer? Is chivalry really dead or is it just rarely offered because of all the sickos in the world?

JMC11511 · July 2012

Right, I thought of that too. It just made me wonder if ANYONE would have offered.

MJCF · July 2012

Yes, it would have been polite for them to offer but people are so rude and wrapped up in themselves that they don't. I don't think it would have been bad for you to accept help if they offered. Like you said, I wouldn't have invited them in but I see no reason to not have them carry something to your door. Worst part is they stopped talking and just watched.

gracefulruby33 · July 2012

They should have offered. If they offered, that would prove to me that they were a decent person (because no one offers these days), therefore I would accept the offer.

Andrewsgal · July 2012

They should have offered to help. I have to say this was a HUGE reason I married the man I did. He is a true gentleman in every sense of the word and would have offered to help in a heartbeat. His biggest thing is seeing a women stranded on the side of the road. I can not even tell you how many times we have been late because he was changing someone's tire.

celiabwatson · July 2012

They should have offered to help, but not because they're men, just because it's nice to help people.

When I had a barely 2 year old and a 2 or 3 month old, I was bringing a box of baby clothes etc to a local thrift shop to donate and then we were doing our shopping. We don't use a stroller so I had the baby in the Moby and was carrying the box with one arm (barely) and holding my son's hand with the other. The thrift store is in a mall, so we had to park and walk in from the parking lot and through the mall. A nice lady saw me in the parking lot and offered to help. She walked all the way to the store with us and even brought the box to the back and left it on the counter. I was so grateful.

gatogrrl · July 2012

I think one of them should have offered. I was really impressed how many people did offer to help me during DD's first year. Especially helping to carry her stroller up and down the El stairs, or on and off the bus -- people were really amazing. So I don't think chivalry is dead at all. Those guys just didn't step up.

hellopoppyseed · July 2012

Anyone should have helped. We were in the airport and my husband was pulling 9 pieces of luggage and I was pushing two single umbrella strollers-which is hard to do. A lady asked if I needed help because we were all going across the crosswalk. I took her up on it. I needed the help badly and was really grateful.

JMC11511 · July 2012

That's a good point, ANYONE could have helped. And yeah, it was a bummer that they just stopped talking and watched. My husband would have helped in a heartbeat too, that's why it always shocks me when they have seen me in the past and saw me this time and still didn't offer to help. Oh well, we made it up the stairs and I feel like She-Ra.

MAprincess · July 2012

I find people do not offer to help enough. And I am surprised no one at least offered.

Once, I was standing on a subway platform. It was the middle of the work day and relatively quiet but there were plenty of people around. I heard a clunking noise and looked around to see what it was. Well, the elevator was broken and this woman was struggling to clunk her stroller down the steps one- by- one. There were a ton of people backed up behind her waiting to get down and many watching her from he platform.

I looked around for a second and thought, "really, people?" I was on the far end of the platform but walked past everyone, up the stairs and picked up the front of her stroller and helped her down the rest of the stairs (there was a sleeping baby in the stroller, by the way). She thanked me at the bottom but I could tell she was surprised that I came to help. I hope the rest of the people who just stood there felt stupid when they saw how easy it would have been to just help her.

joyfullyfound · July 2012

No way chivary's dead - my husband taught me this I know a lot of women think it's anti women's lib or whatever, but my hubby stole my heart by opening car doors for me, offering my his coat when I was cold, etc. It's not about oppression, it's about making a woman feel special and appreciated. But I rant...

Those guys were losers not to offer, and as long as you didn't get the creepy vibe from them, it would not have been foolish to accept.

It's not just what men should do for women though either... it's just a decent thing to do for another human being. If it had been a group of women at the bottom of the steps, I would expect the same thing.

FormerlyKrista555 · July 2012

My husband would have offered. He would offer to help anyone he saw struggling, but especially a woman. He's just like that, though. He's a "doer".

sophie206 · July 2012

I think it would have been nice if they offered. I would probably have if I were just standing around.

I had a sweet teenage boy run to catch up with me to offer to carry my stroller when I attempted to carry DD and her folded up stroller down a big flight of stairs. (A gate in this ball field was locked and I'd have to have gone all the way back and around) It was so surprising and sweet. I guess carrying something to my house for me may be a bit more iffy than a public place, though.

Cherryblossoms07 · July 2012

I don't think chivalry is dead. I do think more people live in their own little bubble and some are leery of offering help - which results in less people helping or at least offering help. However, I was shocked when I got pregnant the first time just how many people opened doors for me, offered to carry things for me, etc. Now with two kids I still get offers to help all the time - old, young, male, female. It still floors me when teenagers go out of their way to help me though.

jnjmommy0609 · July 2012

No chivalry is not dead. They were just rude. Hell if I saw someone looking like they needed help then I would have helped.

But I do agree we are all becoming a bit paranoid of each other.

vlagrl29 · July 2012

DH would have offered. he still opens doors and carries all the heavy stuff for me. I don't think many men have chivalry anymore. I remember when I first met DH, it was just so odd to see it. I think they should have offered.

June2007 · July 2012

I have 2 kids, live on the third floor, have a DH who travels a lot and have been in this scenario a lot. Several of my neighbors have helped me carry up groceries, some of them will just wait for me to get out of the way and then ignore me. I prefer the first kind. If they try to murder me, I'll just push them down the stairs. I think it's ride not to help out another human being who is struggling regardless of sex.

jw87 · July 2012

My DH once saw my pregnant neighbor carrying a coffee table up her stairs at our old apartments. He didn't know her name and told her she was crazy and basically took the coffee table from her without giving her the chance to argue.

They just sound thoughtless.

That being said, at a family function my 16 year old nephew actually wanted me to sit on the floor instead of get up for me and I'm pregnant, aside from being older and a female. My H was so mad at him for his rudeness!

It's deff. something that is taught! DH is amazing, other men... obviously not so much.

Pink=Frosting · July 2012

I think that, yes, they should have offered. But at the same time, I wouldn't think that a bunch of guys sitting around drinking beer would have them themselves together enough to even think about being polite to a woman in your position. But you are right, they should have offered help. It was rude of them to sit back and watch you struggle. If anything...if they knew they were not going to offer to help, at the very least they should have just continued on with their conversation. But to stop talking and sit there and watch you, that was beyond rude in my opinion.

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